Monday, December 6, 2010

Top 5 Most Dangerous Sex Positions

 Do not try this at home...who thinks of these lists???

1) Standing 69: This position if fairly self explanatory. It's like a regular horizontal 69 (mutual oral sex) except you're standing. Why it's dangerous? One of the partners has to hold the complete weight of their partner. Fatigue sets in, couple this with sweat making things a little slippery, and someone is bound to get dropped on their head.

My thoughts: Now you just have to be a stupid mother fucker to do this.  Anyone that doesn't prefer doing this on a bed, please go see a psychiatrist.

2) Piledriver: One of the partners usually leans against a couch or chair with their legs in the air. This gives easy access for their partner to get deep all in their junk. Why it's dangerous? The partner on the floor has all their weight resting on their neck. If things get a little too rough, they will have to see a chiropractor in the morning.

My thoughts: Anything named "Piledriver," run.  Run far, far away.

3) Standing Cowgirl: In a traditional cowgirl, one partner lays on their back while the other partner rides on top while facing them. In a standing cowgirl one partner holds their partner and pulls their hips toward them to completing the sex act. Why it's dangerous? Holding the entire weight of their partner while feverishly pulling and grinding their naughty bits, fatigue is bound to set in and someone is going to get dropped hard on the ground.

My thoughts: This should only be performed if the man works out religiously and is a master at yoga and ninja-ism.  You'd be surprise the ability ninja's have while boning.

4) Blumpkin: Less of a sex position and more a sex act; a Blumpkin, to be blunt, is the act of getting a blowjob while on the toilette. Why it's dangerous? A little splash back on your partners face from the toilette and theyre entering pink eye city. Conjunctivitis is no laughing matter.

My thoughts: A-MAY-ZING

5) Ass to Vag: Again, more of a sex act than a position. While fucking your partner in the ass, you quickly switch it up to some of that sweet vaginal fucking. Why it's dangerous? Going from anal sex to vaginal sex is a guaranteed bacteriological infection for your lady. Bacteriological infections are never comfortable, plus you have to wait a few days for it to clear up before you can fuck again.

My thoughts: If this statement is false, please contact me at



Jwyatt said...

What about the "Chili Dog"? Guy takes a shit on his girls chest then titty fucks her!!!!

Kellie said...

Its true, tottally bad to go ass to vag! Oh and Jwyatt- thats just gross.

Anonymous said...

Back to front is never good!!!!! Garenteed a very pissed off me with my inflamed, swollen cooch!

Unknown said...


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