What the fuck were you thinking when you got dressed this morning...

Special Guest Fan Contributor: H-Bomb

This is an open post to all the ladies out there who are a fan of the jean skirt/shorts/jorts and Ugg ensemble. Stop wearing this as a "winter" outfit. For Real. Like Now. For those of you who need to cover yourself like a Muslim woman to stay warm, you can read on, but this is not really directed at you - unless you wear this outfit during the summer, then I am coming for you next. Hold tight, whorebag.

What I don't get about this outfit is the functionality of it. I can only assume that the people who don this ensemble never understood that song “the head bone is connected to the neck bone..” because the parts you are concerned about keeping warm are your ankles (lower part of body) and chest (top part of body) which are anatomically in different regions. What you are showing me is you don't care if you catch pneumonia through your snatch. If you did care about such things you would have the decency to cover your precious flower from the elements with more than what I can only assume (yes, I know what happens when I assume, but I am gonna take my chances here) is a teeny tiny thong, and if we are lucky some piece of flimsy material. You are telling the world "my ankles are snug as a bug but my vagina is fffffreeeeeeeeeezing". Whether or not it is medically possible to catch pneumonia through your cookie is not what I am here to debate as I am not a fucking doctor. The point I am trying to make is you look like a freezing idiot with that outfit on and when I see you in it, I want to buy you a cup of cocoa and give you a hug.

Now for those of you douche bags that wear this nonsense in the summer shame on you. Shame on you for perpetuating a style made popular by Britney Spears, Snooki and Lindsay Lohan. If you are serious about these "women" as role models then by all means copy their style 100%. Also, let me know what it is like to be a pickle slurping, coke binging, crazy person who is not allowed to control their own finances. I am not saying that the outfit completely correlates with the above description but I am saying that those women made bad fashion choices and then made bad life choices. Follow the bouncing ball over the words if this is going to fast for you.

I am sure someone is scratching their weave going "Oh hell no!!! Why this bitch be hatin' on my favorite outfit? She just jealous she don't look as fly as me." Trust me, I am not hating on your outfit for any other reason other then firmly believing the poet-genius Ludacris, who says, " I want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed." There is nothing about that outfit that screams lady any more than a dumpster screams Tiffany's. You find me one guy that thinks that outfit is sexy and I swear I will wear it on the next casual Friday in my office. With the sparkly, bedazzled Uggs. Until that day, for the love of all things holy, separate the conjoined twins that are the jean/short/skirt/Ugg outfit and let them live happy, separate, well dressed lives.