Tuesday, March 5, 2013

PSA: Control The C-R-A-Z-Y

It's been way too long since myself and The CREW did a collab on some real life shit. So today ladies and gentlemen, we're here to talk about a topic that speaks for myself, J-Wunder, the entire fucking CREW and probably some of you people out there.

Call it crazy. Call it coincidental. Call it delusional. Call it whatever the fuck you goddamn please. What we're about to tell all you readers out there is that we here at Ghetto Genius Headquarters have officially been stalked. Not by one, not by two...but by many...M-A-N-Y mother fuckers who really don't think they're stalkers. They actually think they are normal people who just want to "get to know us".


First off, let me tell you crazy people something. As much as you think that you aren't crazy or stalkerish, guess what? YOU ARE.

We answer back emails, Facebook posts, comments on the blog, etc. to practically every person who hits us up with mad love and even some of the ignorant ass fools who get slick in the mouth when they write to us. But there comes a point in time that when you ask for shit like our phone numbers, personal pics, Facebook friend request, etc. that you have not only put yourselves out there as a crazy mother fucker, but you've put yourselves out there as a CRAAAAAAAZZZZYYY MOTHER FUCKER.

Who does that? You know who? Crazy people. Crazy people who don’t know how to build real relationships. Crazy people who start getting on this 2nd life shit and make their lives revolve around these people they meet on the internets and want to build a relationship with. Sometimes they just want to be friends (that is how most of THE CREW met), but some people want to be more than friends. Like the kind of people who watch you sleep at night and try to figure out ways to wear your skin, so they can be "closer to you." FUCK THAT. Ain’t nobody got time to be re-enacting Silence of The Lambs and shit. REAL TALK.

So, you want to be crazy and hit the crew up. That’s totally fine, but you should know when you step to THE CREW you are stepping to people that will mop the floor with your kind of crazy and then go to a strip club and throw change at a bitch with a bullet hole in her prosthetic leg and make fun of your crazy ass the whole time.

L-Train put it best when she said, "As a contributor to this blog, I gots to say, this is some real-life, real scary shit, y’all." This broad was just crafting an outline on this very topic when Boss Man called on her to contribute to this shit show. And by called on her, she means he screamed from the shitter, “Hey, L, get off bigblackdongs.com and write something for a goddamn change. And bring me some fucking toilet paper!!” I swear that mother fucker violates like 11 labor laws every day. Moving on.

Meeting people on Facebook and establishing “friendships” is a tricky muh-fuckin’ business, yo. As Big Daddy J gains popularity, the uptick in crazy is directly proportionate to the increase in fans. Y’all crack us up everyday with your shenanigans and we mostly have a blast holding this shit down. But every once in awhile, and lately with increasing frequency, some crazy shit pops up. On a side note, I appreciate you assholes who don’t bat an eye at paying $1.00 to inbox us on some sexual business, but we gotta keep it real.  We are not – I REPEAT, NOT – going to invite you to visit for the weekend, are not sending you titty/camel toe/wang pics and WE DEF do not want to see a pic of anything you keep in your pants. Well, ok. Maybe some of you...but that shit better be worth it. We’ve been down that hairy-assed rabbit hole and it ain’t nothin’ nice from the shit we've seen.

Facebook has all but replaced chat rooms and MySpace, but you can still hide behind your laptop full of peculiar and be whoever the fuck you want to be. Unfortunately, a large number of you just want to be bat-shit cray. However, we will say you have become an expert at sending your “Representative of Normal”. Things start out fine and normal, you send Big Daddy Boss Man an email AND HE RESPONDS. Then, you start thinking, “Hey, this guy is cool as shit and I could TOTES be friends/boyfriends/bukkake-mates with him.” So the guys start with the “Hey, you’re in the Bay Area?  Let’s hang out!” The girls lead with “Hey, J-Wunder, here are pics of my tits, my Mom’s taint and our dog’s penis. Let’s hook up on Friday and make some genital soup! (winkie face!)”

As you might imagine, J-Wunder  is the main target around here – the ladies love him and the dudes want to be him (trust me fellas, you don't want to be this mother fucker) - which leaves the CREW with a WHOOOOOOLE lot of ammunition of the blackmail variety.  Rest assured, J-Wun, someday this shit will see the light of day…but for now, let’s make some shit clear to our (crazy) fans and friends:

1. Don’t send J-Wun pics of your tits, ass, vaj, or b-hole. That nasty fucker spends enough time in the ONE unisex bathroom we have. You’re fucking up my piss flow, literally and figuratively.

2. DO send pics of your b-hole to H-Bomb. She is all about the ass. LOMFL. Not really. She will cut a bitch. And by a bitch, we mean L-Train.

3. We are not here to validate your fucking existence. Do not email us and demand that we perform.  Most of us are not goddamn circus monkeys and, unlike the peg-legged stripper referenced above, we do not perform on command. Also, we will beat you with that peg leg if you pelt us with change. Real talk.

4. We are here for your enjoyment, entertainment and/or amusement. We will not become friends with you on our personal Facebook pages, and we will not tell you you’re beautiful, well-built, that you have a nice vagina or penis, etc. We will, however, pass those pictures around the office and send them to everyone on our email lists. It’s a small mother fucking world out there, folks. My grandma and your grandma could be friends. My grandma likes tits. Yours might, too. You see where this is going?

The reality is this...we know who the crazy ones are. Just because you get an email or message from J asking you for naked pics or some bullshit, don't think that's his way of saying, "Yeah, I'd fuck you" or "Let's definitely hang out and drink some beers." That mother fucker says things just to push the envelope. I mean, why not, right? They don't call him the Ghetto Genius for nothing.

We love our fans and fellow supporters of the fan page and blog. However, we don't love some of you crazy fucks who really think we are gonna be tight because you think we are honest, funny or whatever the fuck you crazy fucks think. It's bad enough The CREW have to deal with one another on a daily basis. Even worse, have to realize that our boy, Anonymous, loves big chicks who own 27 cats. That has to be the biggest head scratcher any of us have ever fucking experienced.

Get fucking real and take your meds.

Sell the crazy someplace else. We're all stocked up here.


Anonymous said...

So does this mean we can't go out?

Anonymous said...

Can you guys write a book already? Bravo!!!! LOL!

Anonymous said...

Welcome to stalkerville! You guys rock, of course the chosen few want to wear your skin. Keep on keepin on. Peace.

Anonymous said...

Def waiting on the book !! please don't include my pic though!! :)

Andrzejewskiable said...

You should've given credit to the movie you stole that last line from.... love the blog although I've been catching these type of things as I read more and more. Just saying, you guys would'nt want someone reposting your stories or lines or thoughts up as their own....