Friday, January 2, 2015

Advice Column: It Ain't Worth A Woman's Time



I'm a 28 years old french girl and I love reading your blog. Thank you for your advice and hilarious things, please keep doing this.
 
I'm studying to get my Ph.D in gothic  literature and fairytales (no I haven't been smoking pot lol ) and I come from a conservative family. Met this guy who works at univ and he did everything to date me.. flowers, and romeo shit... it went pretty well until I told him I survived cancer which I'm really proud of. He said:ew I never got sick... days went by and he realized that I don't drink or have sex because that's what I believe is better for me. He gave me the break up speech saying he'll go find someone better than me..and he brought up my cancer story.. I spent a shitty Christmas..and I'll be back to univ in 2 days..I want to make him regret it all..need that! what can I do? Please help.



Dear French Girl,

First off…HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR!

Secondly, big ups for kicking cancer's motherfucking ass. My pops died of cancer back in 2008, so I understand the shit you went through and beating this disease is a huge fucking deal and I'm happy for you.

Ok, now onto your question.

You want to know how to basically get revenge on this cat and make him regret ever leaving you behind. Since I'm blunt as fuck, here's my advice:

DON'T FUCKING BOTHER.

Let me say that shit again:

DON'T FUCKING BOTHER. 

Read these three words one million times over:

DON'T FUCKING BOTHER. 

Why? It's pretty fucking simple.

This guy is a fucking douche and he ain't worth your time or any other smart bitches time.

I don't give a fuck if this dude was a saint and takes care of his mom every goddamn night and feeds the poor twice a week. For this dude to make a comment like, "Ew, I never got sick" after you mentioned you had cancer, he can do a few things:

1) Go fuck himself.

2) Eat a 20 pound bags of dicks preferably dipped in broken glass.

3) Jump off a bridge.

4) Get skull fucked by Lexington Steel (because that dude is packing enough heat for a whole Asian country).

5) Go fuck himself.

Now, this may seem like me being really fucking angry and annoyed to start the new year, but the truth is, this motherfucker is just an asshole. I mean, you're gonna say some shit like that to a person who went through some life changing shit, then come at her again saying that you'll find someone better than her?

GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, PENCIL DICK!!!

I'm a guy. I've played the game. I have had enough pussy in my life to die happy. But this dude? He's just a sorry ass excuse for a man who thinks he was smart enough to play the game to where he thinks he had your pussy locked in then all of the sudden, was denied because your ass actually has self-values and worth. I'm not saying that chicks these days who fuck before marriage are bad because I embrace that shit and don't knock anyone who makes independent choices in life. I'm ALL for fucking. You know that shit. But I digress...

What you need to understand is that you caught this motherfucker off guard because as you played hard to get, it became an even bigger challenge for him to sweep you off  your feet in hopes that you'd fall for his little spell and he gets rewarded with his dick in your mouth and beyond.

You give this guy a shot, shit got real and his ass went "Exit stage left" because what he thought he had, wasn't what the fuck he was expecting. That my dear, is a stupid motherfucker who will get his in the end.

I'm not here to try and bash on dudes. However, what I am here to do is bash on this pathetic motherfucker because this cat was trying to play with the pussy when in all actuality, he was fucking with the wrong female. You know…one with morals. One who wants a motherfucker to understand what she's all about. One who actually wants a dude to still be down for her after what she's been through. Oh, might I mention, one who is waiting to ride the Pound Town Express until she gets married. On a side note - You're at least gonna give blow jobs and shit though, right? Dry humping was so 1999…blue balls hurts. If you ain't gonna suck dick, a good hand job is always nice. Remember: do not ignore the balls. Shit…back to what I was saying…

Oh yeah, fuck this guy.

You trying to give this guy regrets isn't worth an ounce of your time. Any dude that's gonna come off that fucking brash and say some shit that he has no idea about should be out of your life and a distant fucking memory. Trust me. This motherfucker will get his. He will either get played by some chick down the road or catch some dick cheese fucking with the wrong hoe. There is some shit you don't do in life and I personally think, he did some shit that gets your ass kicked in the hood or at a dinner party by some rich ass white people and their butlers.

What you need to do is do YOU. Go find someone worth your time. Go have fun. Don't worry about fools that want to look at you as a "never was". Because if you do that, the only fool is gonna be you. Save yourself the embarrassment and heartache because this shit ain't worth it. Now, if you're a crazy fucking French bitch, then by all means, do some shit like sacrifice a chicken on his door step or make up some fucked up rumor at school that this dude got you pregnant when putting it in your butt. Crazy chicks do shit like this then end up in jail and become a Friday night showcase on the Oxygen channel. The choice is yours.

Nothing more to say other than WAKE THE FUCK UP! Ain't nobody got time for some elementary school bullshit.

Go in peace my child.

Much love,

Ghetto Genius




2 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is why you're the fucking man! Someone please give this man his own talk show or something. Love you, GG!

Goose said...

You say "oxygen crazy chick showcase" like it's a BAD thing....some of us girls still have dreams damn it ;)