Thursday, March 5, 2015

11 Disturbing Sex Toys That Are Actually Terrifying

1. Mr. Jack Mouth with Mustache

Mr. Jack Mouth with Mustache
This is the goddamn creepiest-looking mouth I have ever seen in my life. This is not what mouths look like. What are those THINGS in his throat?? Stop that. I’m pretty sure I once saw this in a horror movie because that is the only place where this disembodied monstrosity would be even remotely OK.

2. King Dong

King Dong
“Super-sized novelty dildo measures 15 inches long and over 2 inches wide.” For, you know, all those times when your giant 14-inch dildo just isn’t cutting it.

3. Baby Jesus Butt Plug

Baby Jesus Butt Plug
… This is just wrong on so many levels. Why does this exist. Just why. There is something incredibly unsettling about a sex toy with a smiling baby’s face on it, but you do you (literally). (Jackhammer Jesus gets an honorable mention!)

4. The Cannon

The Cannon

5. Death By Orgasm 10 Speed Scorpion Bullet Vibrator

Death By Orgasm 10 Speed Scorpion Bullet Vibrator
First off, “Death By Orgasm”?? Second, WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE A SCORPION. WHY. STOP THAT. THIS IS WHAT NIGHTMARES ARE MADE OF. It even comes in a coffin, for goodness’ sake.

6. Kaylani’s Foot Fetish

A foot fetish is one thing, but, ladies and gentlemen, THERE IS A VAGINA IN THE HEEL OF A SHOE. Let me repeat, THIS IS A VAGINA HEEL.

7. Area 51 Love Doll

Area 51 Love Doll
I’m not sure what’s better, the “3 out of this world love holes” or the “free alien lube.”

8. Realistic Tongue Vibrator

Realistic Tongue Vibrator
Just imagine losing this in your house and, one night, being woken up by a strange sound of…something vibrating? What is that? you wonder, searching for the source of the noise. A FUCKING WIGGLING DISEMBODIED TONGUE IS WHAT. GODDAMN.

9. The Nut Crusher

The Nut Crusher
Oh god why. WHY. Yes, it does exactly what you think it does. “Unscrew the bottom ring on the flask using the included allen wrenches, and insert testicles.” Nope nope nope nope nope.

10. The Dragon’s Tongue

The Dragon's Tongue
Just…just look at that soda can for comparison. NOPE.

11. Dick Screw Twist

Dick Screw Twist
via - BuzzFeed

12 comments: said...

I believe its awesome,individuals having a great time and investigating their sexually in a sheltered,normal and legal forum...good for them!!

Shirley Wright.

Sex Toys said...

Adult toys are the best way to get experience of sex. I started using adult sex toys when i was 16 and i must say it was a great experience.

Hd Porn Movies said...

For some women, a sex toy is needed to reach full pleasure potential. That’s especially true for the 75 percent of women who can’t climax without some help. The toy can totally be that help.

Penis Plugs Europe said...

These toys are getting better every year. You can not go past a rabbit ;) Just a heads up, if your man is away a lot and you don’t wan them straying away then you should check this out for him. They wont need to look anywhere else.

Anonymous said...

Great article about sex toys. what would we do without them :)

lafantasyproductions said...

So nicely you have shared this article. Thank you for sharing. La Fantasy Productions is DC's newest and hottest entertainment company that produces theme events for the LGBTQ community. La Fantasy gay events dc attract a diverse demographic of partygoers from all over the east coast. Get ready to let your hair loose, kick up your heels,gather with your friends and make new ones while dancing to the beats of your favorite international DJ's

gigolokart said...

I want to thank you for publishing this amazing article. If anyone is looking for male escort job in bangalore then you're ar right place. Gigolo Kart is one of the trusted platforms online giving you an opportunity to become a Gigolo male escort.

PlayBlue Ltd said...

Nice article, Which you have shared here about the sex toys. Your article is very interesting and I really enjoyed reading it.

shop jav said...

A very nice article about sex toys, good to read this. Once upon a time, sex toys and porn DVDs were the kind of thing that you kept hidden behind lock and key. As time progressed, the rise of the internet has introduced sex toys online, yet still, they were something to be hidden away like a dirty little secret. Buy Adult Movies DVD Online

Monday Express SRL said...

I admire this article which is all about different different sex toys. It is well-researched content and excellent wording. I am impressed with your work and skills. adult toy store USA

How Charming Escorts Can Fulfill Your Hidden Desires? said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
How Charming Escorts Can Fulfill Your Hidden Desires? said...

When it comes to street call girls and escorts, the services they offer are very different. Nairobi Raha also set some standards to join them to maintain their reputation. Although there are advantages of hiring an escort service.