Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Advice Column: Those Who Can't Do, Teach



What's up GG? I've been wanting to write in for a long time, but never had a good enough question for you. Now I do. 

I have a friend (let's call him "Dave") who is turning 26 years old has decided he wants to be a life coach. My issue isn't his goal to be a life coach. Let me list some stats about this guy to make my point...

He's got no college education (not always a bad thing), jumps from job to job, always tries those get rich quick things, has two kids by two baby mamas (one of them is on its way), has no trust in his girlfriend (the 2nd baby mama), and is faking like he's a baller when he can barely pay his bills. 

How can you possibly coach anyone when you can't even run your own life? I've considered just hiding everything from this guy on Facebook, but part of me wants to ask him what he is going to "coach" people on. Maybe I shouldn't. 

What would you do if you were me?

Torn in Texas



Dear Torn in Texas,

Happy New Year!

Can I tell you how happy I am you wrote in? I was JUST telling my homegirl, H-Bomb, that I was looking for someone, anyone, to write in with something so good that I would bring more thunder to start 2018 off right. And you my friend, did just that.

You know what 93.47959% of people like me hate? Motherfuckers that you just described above. Especially young motherfuckers who think they know, but have no fucking idea. Truth.

I'm gonna be the ripe age of 39 this year. I barely have a hold of my fucking life. Sure I have a good job. Pay my bills on time. Use a condom whenever the girl I'm about to bang seems a little suspect and may have enjoyed one too many gang bangs for my liking. But NEVER, have I ever thought I would change peoples lives by doing shit that will probably ruin them forever.

Your boy, bottom line, is a fucking idiot. That is not a misprint, people. He's fucking stupid and should go fuck him and the horse he rode in on.

No college degree, kids from two different women, no stable job, can barely pay his own fucking bills and this motherfucker is trying to be a life coach?!

GTFOH! AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!

How would someone with all that shit I just mentioned, think for an inkling of a second that they could be a goddamn life coach? Hey man, good on you that you want to aspire to become something positive for people. But if you don't even have your own shit together, HOW IN GODLY FUCK, DO YOU THINK YOU'RE CAPABLE OF COACHING ANYONE'S LIFE.

Dude can barely pay his bills. How the fuck is he gonna be able to even pay attention?!

And what on God's green earth is this clown actually gonna "coach" people on? How to slash your girlfriend's tires when she done fucked up bc she sucked your homeboy's dick? How to get another month of cable without paying your bill on time? How to get rich without even knowing how to get fucking rich? C'mon, bruh. This cat needs to go build a bridge and get the fuck over himself. Like, immediately.

It's these types of people who make me scratch my head and wonder if I'm missing something or have a fucking screw loose. What's even more fucked up is that this dude is 26. Who would actually listen to this motherfucker? Like, for reals...who would pay good money to listen to some millennial whose life is worse than the average person, feel good about their advice, walk out of their session and be ready to go and grab life by the horns? Not me. No fucking sir.

Look, just bc you have a good idea, post some inspirational shit on social networks doesn't mean that you know anything. I know it. You know it. And the people reading this shit know it. We all know people like this. And you know what? All that shit is just a fucking front.

It's like, "Hey look at me. Look at what I'm doing. My life is so great. I hustle. I do this. I do that. I'm bout it, bout it."

Three words: SMOKE AND MIRRORS

The reality is what you pointed out - dude can't hold a job. Thinks he can make a million bucks overnight. Has no trust in a relationship...even though his dumbass is having a kid with the person he's with. I could go on and on with these types of fucks.

It's not hard to see right through these motherfuckers. It really isn't. Don't believe me, just watch how they are on social networking then hang with them in real life. All that positive shit they spit, ain't none of that happening when they are drunk and calling their girl a fucking cunt at a bar at 11pm. Or when they bitch about how life sucks and they pull the whole, "Poor me...I'm so lost and confused."

Fuck off and eat a 20 pound bag of dicks.

You my friend, need to call your homie out. Not out of jealousy. Not out of hate. But out of respect so he doesn't go and ruin other motherfuckers lives. Ain't no one trying to hear some speech that he stole from Gary Vaynerchuk, all while trying to get the credit. Fuck all that noise.

What this guy really needs is his own life coach and a goddamn therapist. Sounds like he's a train wreck about to go postal on the next mishap that enters his fucking life.

Avoid these people at all costs if you can. And if you can't for some reason, be real with them and tell them how it really is...they may not thank you for it, but at least they'll know how fucked up they really are. You're welcome.

Good luck,

J-Wun


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