"Just Ask Alberto..."

Drinking wine with Mexican's is dangerous.

Perfect girl?
- Someone that can cook as good as mom, looks like Britney spears (in 2002), and, can break me off like Airforce Amy.

What's worse in a threesome...boning the girl first or getting head second?
- Wrap it up, who cares the order which you attack... Just don't kiss her!!  AT ALL


Best pick-up line on a chick?
- "I'm like Fred Flintstone, I can make your bed rock!"  LOL!!!!!  Actually best pickup line is to pretend you actually care about what she is saying.  This might help:




Why do 90% of Mexicans have a sticker of their last name on the back of their car windows?
- It's bad enough that we are already guilty of DWB (driving while brown).  I don't know why we flash our last names in the back of car windows especially in old English Writing!!!  Might as well put up a neon light saying, "Arrest me white cop, I am your target!"  The answer I have to that question is... I don't know?  Why do we wear white jeans?  Why do men have nipples?  I don't know...


Do Hispanic Mormoms exists?
- Hispanic Mormons? Lmfao!  Really?


What's the first word you think of when I say, "big titties"?
- Milk


Fill in the blank: 43.5% of  ______ do ______?
- White people, hate colored people 

What's the difference between a slut and a whore?
- A slut doesn't give a shit about being a slut.  A whore is what others call sluts. 


Your thoughts on the Chupacabra?
- Every Mexican persons nightmare.  Chupacabras are the Mexican version of the Lochness Monster or Big Foot.  I am scared to death of the bastard.  I'm so scared that I'm going to stop talking about him right now! 


What's uglier...a penis or vagina and why?
- What's uglier?  What do you think?  A tube steak is definitely uglier than meat flaps.

"Just Ask Alberto..."

Who's Alberto you ask? My good friend and a Mexican legend from Riverbank, CA.





Now that you've gotten to know him through this 55 second profile clip, I thought the blog could use his insights on life. So...what better way to do that then to ask my beaner friend questions that linger on my mind day-to-day. So without further adieu, ladies and gents..."Just ask Alberto..."


Why do Mexican's wear white jeans?
- Mexicans wear white jeans because most white jeans are on the clearance rack at your local Ross, TJ Maxx, Marshalls, or other retail outlets. 

What is the first thing you notice in the opposite sex?
- First thing I notice about the opposite sex is AHP (ass and hip package).  Not really a boob man they don't do much for me. 

What's the first thing you thought about this morning?
- The first thing I thought about this morning was, "why the fuck is it raining in May, I hope this isn't a sign that the Mayan calendar 2012 bullshit is accurate."

Grilled or Fried?
- Fried for sure

3 things you cannot live without?
- T.V., beer, music

Favorite song?
- Favorite song is between:



AND




What are you afraid of?
- I am afraid of getting the clap, Aids, HIV, I am afraid of saggy balls (which is why I wear tighty-whities now), and finally I am afraid of being attacked by an aardvark. 

Are you a giver or a taker?
- I am a giver.  Not to the degree of my friend (who will remain nameless; he is known as "the hurricane") 

Did America really put a man on the moon?
- I don't care.  Does it really matter that we put a man on the moon?  I mean, we captured and killed Bin Laden and most people don't believe we caught him.  Nonetheless, going back to my first point... Who cares! 

How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
- The sniff technique.  (use your imagination)... oh wait I forgot the taste technique.  The taste technique is when you lick the toilet paper to see if you taste shit.  If you do, you need to keep wiping...