Sexissoshitty

After writing about the Vending Machine Challenge, I was fucking starving and decided to go grab my ass some lunch.  On my way to Baladie (great fucking Shawarma's btw), a chick was on her cell talking to someone she could obviously trust.  Lets just say this girl was cute after you already drank a 12-pack of beer and downed a bottle of roofies.  I know, I'm the asshole, right?  Hey, it's not my fault God slapped her ass with the ugly stick and sent her out in this world.  But I digress...

So she's on the phone heading in the same direction I'm heading and starts to talk to her friend/grandma/mom/sister (whoever the fuck) about some guy from the other night.  Now I'm not sure if this dude was the chick's boyfriend but from what I overheard, I was thinking it was some guy she probably went on a few dates with.  Here are the words that came from her very mouth (please excuse some of the broken convo since I'm trying to paraphrase the good shit):

"Last night was fun until it happened...I don't know, it was like our 5th date and I just thought, what the hell, he's hot so why beat around the bush."  (Ok, timeout...this dude was hot in terms of an ugly person saying he was hot so please don't get all giddy people...for fucks sake, geez!)

"Well, everything was all good until we starting having sex *uncomfortable laugh*...I think he was a virgin...is it bad if he's in his 20's and doesn't have sex until now?  I feel bad that I wasn't into it...no, it didn't last long at all...No positions, he just had me lay there...Uhhhh, orgasm negative ghostrider."

As you can see, this chick who was down to get a little ding-a-ling action struck out due to virgin boy getting with his first vagina ever.  I'm really not sure who I feel sorry for, the girl or the guy.  I mean, for the girl, it sounded like this shit wasn't her first rodeo and was looking to devour this guy like a fat kid eats birthday cake.  And for the young buck, well, shit.  How did he not ever pull any tail prior to this?!  He could have jerked off or something to get the nerves out, right?  Now, he will forever be known as the "virgin" who made the chick he was banging lie there like a dead fish, as he blew his load faster than one can start a BMW.

Poor bastard.  I wish I got the rest of the conversation...like the part after he did his thing and she didn't get hers.  Wow, only because I'm an asshole, here is what I will conclude:

After they boned down, he left her house with a huge smile and full of joy.  With not one ounce of satisfaction, she decided to find another guy to get the goods, only to find out a few days later, that "virgin" boy gave her herpes.  Now that I think about it, I was wondering what that shit on her lip was...