I'm a cool guy. You ask anyone that knows me, they would probably say I'm pretty chill. I don't like confrontation on any level. Only because when my blood starts to boil, shit can get really bad. That's why I go to therapy once a week...to make sure I don't end up throwing some jackass through a window for saying or doing something stupid. Which brings me to the reason I'm writing.Last night, I decided to go to the store to grab some fried chicken for dinner. I get to the deli and I waited. Patiently. Maybe too patiently. About 5 minutes go bye and still no one. No big deal, I'll wait as long as I need to. From nowhere, two little punk ass teenagers decide to bump me with their Gingerbread fucking Latte's in hand to check out the corn dogs.
The chick says to the guy,"OMG, there's only one corn dog left. You should get it." The guy in his bitch ass voice says, "I think I will."
Meanwhile, I'm standing there baffled at the fact that these two fucks have no manners and had the nerve to bump into me like we were at a goddamn Justin Bieber concert.
Finally, out pops a worker from the back and says, "Can I help you?"...my friends, here's what transpired:
The latte twins: "Um yeah, we would like that corn dog right there."
JW: "You fucking serious right now? You bump into me as I've been waiting, and now you want to cut you stupid mother fucker? You really fucking serious right now?"
As the conversation is going on, the worker is about to grab the latte twins their corn dog.
JW: "Wait a damn minute ma'am. These two inconsiderate shits cut in front of me, so I suggest you put down that corn dog down and get me what I want. I've been standing here for 5 fucking minutes. Patiently."
The latte twins: "We just want that corn dog man."
JW: "I don't give a fuck if you want to buy the whole fucking deli. I'll shove that corn dog straight up your fucking ass. What you're gonna do is wait. Fucking corn dog? Get the fuck out of here you rude little shit."
The latte girl: "He can wait."
JW: "You bet your sweet ass he's gonna fucking wait. Cutting to get a fucking corn dog. Wow."
So now I just went off on a tirade in the deli department, scared the shit out of two teenagers and have an employee shell shocked at the fact that I just threatened to shove a hot ass corn dog up some kids ass for cutting in line.
JW: "Look, I just want the 8 piece of fried chicken and some mash potatoes."
The lady seemed so fucking nervous that she filled up a bag of potato wedges instead.
JW: "Ma'am, 1.5 pounds of mash potatoes. You're giving me wedges."
She didn't say anything, she dumped the wedges, gave me 2 pounds of mash potatoes and I think pressed a special button for management to come and save her.
As for the two little shits...after I finally got my food, I took one look at them and said, "Enjoy your fucking corn dog you rude little shits. Next time, have some manners."
It was funny. I felt like a bully but didn't feel bad. Why should I, right? All I wanted was some fucking fried chicken and mash potatoes and those little shits had to ruin my moment at Lucky's.
Man, I'm an asshole. Shit happens.
Not so much of an asshole in my book. Kids now days have zero respect and unless someone puts them in check they'll never learn.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if i'd have told them i was gonna jam a hot corn dog up their ass but.. i think they got the point and no real harm was done. Maybe even some good. :)
Spoken like a true gentleman, Brian! Fuck those kids. And when I say kids, I mean teenagers.
ReplyDeleteFuck 'em, the little shits had it coming. lol
ReplyDeleteYou should have bought the corn dog too.
ReplyDeleteNo shit, that would have been epic payback... hilarious!
DeleteNo shit, that would have been epic payback... hilarious!
DeleteI definitely would have bought the corn dog too! Life's a bitch right?
ReplyDeleteI fuckin love it!! My lil 4 foot 11' ass has gone off in the deli a few times as well! Like bitch you can't see me over the counter right?? I bet if you were on this side on the counter u sure as fuck would feel my foot up your ass, I would put it so far up there that you would be coughing up my nike's for a week Bitch!
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate.I work at a high school and some not all the kids are inconsiderate ,rude obnoxious a-holes.I was raised in the seventies when you got paddled and then got your ass busted when you got home from school.If I backtalked my mom she would slap my face.That's the problem nowdays some of these teens have no concept of reality.Scary thing this is our future.
ReplyDeleteI dont think u were wrong kids are retarded and they needed to be put in their place
ReplyDelete