Calling All Vegas Lovers...

You know what's awesome? VEGAS. You know what's awesome (this is now a word)? Vegas for Labor Day Weekend. You know what's awesome rest (if you thought this also wasn't a word, it is now) and gives me a boner? Vegas for Labor Day Weekend AND being taken care of by my boy and now yours, Jet Dones. No bullshit, dudes name is Jet, like the fucking Jet. We're getting all Mach 3 up in this bitch.

When I think of Vegas, I think of all these things: Sun - Check. Booze - Check. Bungalows - Check. Money - Check. Sin - Check. Beautiful people - Check. All the madness you could ever imagine and get yourself into - Check mate, bitches. No one can deny a place that gives you all the pleasures in life, right? So why don't you get off your asses, book a flight (if you haven't already) and go to Vegas this weekend or any fucking weekend for that matter. Not only to be part of one of the dopest weekends in Vegas, but, to get the hook-up compliments from the man himself, JET DONES.

Now, before y'all get all cray-cray up in this piece and think you got yourselves a free fucking ride to heaven, sit down, take a deep breath and calm your asses down with all that fucking excitement. Not everything Jet provides is free. However, he will take care of your needs so that your time in Vegas is not only super-fucking-spectacular but, memorable and worth your while.

When going to Vegas, there are some rules you should all read, understand and follow:

1. GIRLS are always FREE. Sometimes with drink tickets, but don't hold your breath.
You could be the duckiest of duck faces or the hottest bitch on earth, bottom line, if you're sporting a vagina, say hello to FREE bitches. Get in where you fit in.


2. NEVER assume GUYS are FREE.
"But I go to clubs for free in L.A." You know what? Since you're boss status in L.A., may I suggest you go back to fuckin' L.A. you broke ass mother fucker?! Just because you may run shit in one place, doesn't mean you're going to run shit in another. Unless your ass is famous or got a special "in" with someone, if you're a dude, assume you're gonna have to drop some sort of dime. No one is saying you're gonna break the bank, but remember, never assume.


3. NO ALL GUY guest list (except for Palms).
Try and have at least an even ratio or better to get on guest lists. Guest list information are to be turned in before 9pm, so let Jet know where you wanna go before then so he can put y'all on. I love rollin' with the homies but for the love of fucking God, if you can, bring broads with you. Unless you're gonna circle jerk around a saltine cracker all fucking night, then don't bring hot chicks. Have fun with "Guys Night Out." Take that how you want to.


4. BOTTLE SERVICE would be the BEST experience.
"But its too expensive." NEWS FLASH: You go on vacation to spend money, not to save it. Realize you're going to spend money on cover at the door and drinks at the bar. So why not spend your money where it's worth spending...poppin' bottles bitches!!!!


5. TEXT only, NEVER call
Promoters/host like Jet never answer phone calls unless they personally know you. If you don't believe me, I've known Jet for a hot minute and I don't even call the mother fucker. Matter of fact, I barely know what the dude sounds like and we're like best friends...brothers almost. Real talk.


6. Jet can book clubs, pool parties, strip clubs, limos, hookers, midgets, you ask and you shall receive. The INDUSTRY thrives off gratuity. TAKE CARE of EVERYONE! What that translates to is: he takes care of you, I expect you take care of him. This doesn't mean, free reach-arounds. Well, unless you're a hot chick, then ok.


Like I said, all you need to do is text him, let him know you're coming and he'll take care of the rest. Oh, and if you're a female, that's even bigger incentive. So to you fellas who are thinking about cruising out, remember, bringing a few ladies along for the ride is never a bad thing. Trust me.

Want table service at the club? Jet's got your back. Need to bypass that long ass line of 500 mother fuckers? Jet's got your back. Anything you need for a weekend in Vegas, ask and you shall receive. Just don't be a goddamn douche. I don't like douches so don't expect him too either.

So don't miss out this weekend or other weekends you don't have shit to do. Head to Vegas. Party at the Palms for Ditch Friday's (especially you ladies). Get hooked up with access to practically any club you want in Vegas. I don't say shit just to say shit. Who do I look like, Casey Anthony? My word is bond. Trust me. Hit up Jet, go get drunk and enjoy the greatest weekend you probably won't remember. Who needs work when you have Vegas.

JET - 702.569.3173

Vegas Pool Party Anyone????

Everybody (even fat people) love a good pool party. So what if I told you, I could hook you up to one of the best pool parties around? No bullshit...remember, I'm J-fucking-Wunder and I know a lot of mother fuckers. True story. But this isn't any pool party. This is a Vegas pool party folks. Specifically, Ditch Friday's @ The Palms. Interested? Keep reading...

Sun - Check. Booze - Check. Bungalows - Check. Beautiful people - Check. All the madness you could ever imagine and get yourself into - Check mate, bitches. No one can deny a place that gives you all the pleasures in life, right? So why don't you get off your asses, book a flight (if you haven't already) and go to Vegas this weekend or any fucking weekend for that matter. Not only to be part of one of the dopest pool parties in Vegas, but, to get the hook-up compliments from the man himself, JET DONES.

All you need to do is text him, let him know you're coming and he'll take care of the rest. Oh, and if you're a female, that's even bigger incentive. So to you fellas who are thinking about cruising out, remember, bringing a few ladies along for the ride is never a bad thing. Trust me.

Want table service at the club? Jet's got your back. Need to bypass that long ass line of 500 mother fuckers? Jet's got your back. Anything you need for a weekend in Vegas, ask and you shall receive. Just don't be a goddamn douche. I don't like douches so don't expect him too either.

So don't miss out this weekend or other weekends you don't have shit to do. Head to Vegas. Party at the Palms for Ditch Friday's (especially you ladies). Get hooked up with access to practically any club you want in Vegas. I don't say shit just to say shit. Who do I look like, Casey Anthony? My word is bond. Trust me. Hit up Jet, go get drunk and enjoy the greatest weekend you probably won't remember. Who needs work when you have Vegas.

JET - 702.569.3173

MDW + Vegas + Jet = Good Times

Memorial Day Weekend is right around the corner and the only question I have is, what the fuck are you doing? I have an idea, go to Vegas. If you're going, awesome. If not, go assholes. Why? Well, for a few reasons:

1) You can get away with murder.

2) You can have sex with pro's. Not pro athletes but, prostitutes.

3) You can lose your life savings.

4) You can marry a stranger you just met at a blackjack table.

5) You can look like a whore or douche and not be judged.

6) You can do things Mormoms dream of doing...that's pretty much everything.

7) You can die due to your stupidity.

8) You can stay awake for 72 straight hours and not remember a goddamn thing.

9) You can hang at the beach that's really a big ass fucking pool.

10) You can enjoy the best weekend of your life without having to think about it.

Wait, "You can enjoy the best weekend of your life without having to think about it"? Why yes...yes you can. How? All you gotta do is hit up this guy:

You like clubs? Done. Jet will take care of you. You like VIP? Done. Jet will take care of you. You wanna go to a pool party? Done. Jet will take care of you. You wanna "make it rain" hundreds and fifties on a handful of titties? Done. Jet will take care of you.

One guy. One name. One number.

JET: 702.569.3173

He's my man at the Palms and will get you access to every place there and then some. Don't bother waiting in lines with all the other fucks that are looking to have a good time. Just hit up my boy and all your worries and waiting will be taken care of. Hey, if you're lucky, you just might be drinking with a group of banging chicks and hot guys that like how you roll.

Text him. Tell him J-Wunder sent ya and please...don't act like a fucking douche. But if you do, do it when everyone else if fucking drunk.

Trust me. Get hooked up so your weekend can be that much more entertaining...and sexual. Just don't get arrested and blame it on me.

Cheers!

Big Thanks to J-E-T

Here's an email I got from a reader on their recent trip to V-E-G-A-S this past weekend. I told you, I don't say shit, just to say shit. Hit up my boy...you can thank my ass later.


Dear J-Wunder,


Just wanted to give a huge thanks regarding the column you wrote on your boy Jet. I was a little skeptical thinking that this was some b.s. on some guy that you were friends with. However, I said, "What the hell" and decided to text the guy. Let me just say that what you said, you weren't lying. Once I told him that you sent me, he took care of me and treated me like he knew me since childhood. I kinda felt like a kid in a candy store because Jet pretty much said, "Whatever you want, I'll take care of you." And being this was only the 4th time I've been to Vegas, we decided to do the club scene. Jet hooked us up at all the places in the Palms and access to VIP with 2 for 1 bottle service. Can I just say that shit was poppin' and was off the fucking hook? That was just the first night too. Jet was cool enough to even invite me and some friends to a pool party the next day. And if I didn't have prior plans, I would have went, got piss drunk and probably died a happy man. So we made up for it and got hooked up AGAIN, at Club XS on Saturday night. Lets just say the weekend was good and my hangover on Sunday was well worth it (and I got laid). Appreciate the hook-up and please let Jet know, next time we come back to Sin City, we'll have him on speed dial. Whoever is going to Vegas needs to look him up because he's one guy that really does take care of you. Many thanks and keep up the great work! 


I'm still hungover,
The Hangover


Going to VEGAS? Program this name and these 10 digits in your phone and you should be shitting pretty for the weekend. Would you EVER DOUBT ME PEOPLE? You're welcome.

JET - 702.569.3173

His Name is J-E-T

Las Vegas...the place that I like to call "The Disneyland for Grown-ups". I don't care who you are. If you have any intention on going to Vegas, your ass is looking to party, get drunk, and do some shit that is barely legal. Hey, I'm not one to judge. I've been to Vegas over 50 times (yes, this statistic is actually FACTUAL) and have no shame in saying, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." I mean, why would any mother fucker say that, if it wasn't true, right? See, Vegas is a place where you aren't even your real self, any way. You can be broke as fuck, but act like you rich as shit and people will buy it. You can be the ugliest bitch on the planet, but I guarantee you, someone in Vegas is willing to fuck you. Now, whether the dude might be blacked out drunk, roofied or somehow lost a bet to his buddies, ain't no ones business...all that matters is that you got some wang chung, right? That's Vegas for ya.

In Sin City, gambling is a given. Shopping is a given. Pool time...an absolute given. But what is missing? What is the BIG TIME buzz and reason people actually go to VEGAS nowadays? One word: CLUBS. 22% of you folks reading this are probably saying, "Fuck all that, clubs ain't my thing. I go there to gamble and play circle jerk with my 8 other buddies that I'm sharing a hotel room with instead." But the reason you say that is because you have no "IN". The funny part about Vegas is that if you plan to go to the club, you want to go to the hottest ones. The problem is, you're not willing to wait in line. Am I right? And if you're a fucking dude, with a bunch of other fucking dudes, you sure as hell gonna be waiting a bit longer than a dude that is with a bunch of hot ass bitches (throw in a chubby one too, if you'd like). That's reality my friends and it pisses you off. But what if I told you I could help change all that? What if I said, I know a guy that will take care of you. You need VIP? Done. You need to bypass that long mother fucking line with 1,000 other people in it? Done. Hell, you want some special hospitality at a strip joint? Done.

There is one dude...one cool ass dude that can help you with all that. He goes by the name J-E-T. Not the football team. I'm talking about the dude, Jet.

Remember when I went to Vegas a few weeks back? J-Wunder living the good life, at the clubs sitting VIP drinking my ass off? Remember that? Facebooking away like I was someone fucking special? Well friends, that wasn't because my name was J fucking Wunder. It was because of my boy, JET. This dude took care of me and the people I was with. In two days, I went to Revolution, JET Nightclub and Moon @ the Palms - it was Spring Break too (AND MTV was there). Lucky for me and my peeps, we bypassed every fucking line and sat our pretty asses down at a table. Matter of fact, at Moon, I had a dude come up to me, and tell me he'll be my security for the evening. Now I don't know if Jet set that shit up, but whatever the case, that made my fucking dick grow another half inch. Making it a mind blowing 2.5 inches while hard, now. Who does that? Who takes care of you that well where even security tells you, they'll be the guy fucking up anybody that tries to intrude your party? No mother fucker I know. Was that probably coincidence? Sure. But do I care? Fuck no. I was living the high life and my boy Jet made sure of it.

Folks, I know quite a few nightclub promoters. And they're all good at what they do. But this dude, in my opinion, takes the fucking cake and the candles that go with it. And the ones that know me, know...J-Wunder loves a good fucking party and doesn't fuck around when shit be poppin' VIP style...ESPECIALLY IN VEGAS. If this guy wasn't the shit, I wouldn't be blogging about it. And not only is this dude a promoter for the Palms, but this cat is cool as a mother fucker too. I'm almost convinced he's my cousin (scary, right). Jet took care of me and is one of those guys that will take care of anyone I throw his way. That's why I'm showing some love and spreading the word.

So if you're going to Vegas, and looking to party and hit the hot spots, text my boy, Jet. Don't call him and leave some long ass fucking message because the dude doesn't have time to listen to 2,000 voicemails. Just text him and the dude will take care of you. 3 things: #1 - Who you are? #2 - How many dudes and hot ass bitches in your group? #3 - What do you need? Trust me...my big brother is there right now and I will say this...that mother fucker is having a blast and will probably be hungover and sleep deprived for 2 months. Would I ever lie to any of you? Exactly. Now go book your trip, buy some hot ass gear, text Jet and tell him, J-Wunder sent ya!

Oh, one last thing...be cool, don't look like a fucking douche and remember...party like J-Wunder would!

JET - 702.569.3173