Text Messages are AWESOME!

(903): I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.

 

(928): I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos. 

(909): Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?

(816): He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.

  

(619): on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.

  

(708): bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.

(254): Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.

  

(909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

  

(250): If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.