Fan Mail

Dear J-Wunder,

You are hilarious! My girlfriends and I are huge fans and read your blog daily. We had a question though. Do you write this stuff all yourself (columns, etc.), or do you have a team of people writing them? Also, how do you come up with half this shit? We were just curious because we are entertained by your material daily. Keep up the great work. Our stomachs get a daily workout from all the laughs.

Your Blog Groupie,
Michelle and Friends


Dear Michelle and Friends,

I just want to say thanks for all the love and support. But why did you not send a naked pic of you and your friends in your goddamn email?! Can't a brother get a titty shot or something for making you all laugh? Kidding, of course. In all honesty though, I appreciate the fact that I make you and your friends gag all the time (not on cock, but with laughter). I mean, that's the point of this fucking blog, right? Did you know, 60% (true statistic, not a J-Wunder statistic) of my readers are in fact, females? I know, pretty fucking crazy, right? So either I'm doing something completely fucking wrong to get this many women to read my shit, or they love the fact that I talk shit about other women and analyze men in detail. Who fucking knows. In any event, that's pretty fucking cool and I feel like my dick just went from 4 inches to 5...hard.

Alright, so to answer the question(s) you and your muff diving friends wanted to know, here you go...

If there's one thing that is 100% FACT, it's that, this blog is the real me talking. It's not a bunch of people in a fucking room, thinking of funny shit to talk about. Debating on "if this sounds funny," or if "that might be overkill". Uh, NO. Trying to think funny, is not my style. The way I write, is the way I talk. Don't get it twisted though, I'm educated, have a great job and appreciate life in general. Sure I say things like, "shit," "fuck," "mother fucker," "dick," "cunt," etc. in almost every blog post, but that shouldn't give people the impression that I'm this piece of shit, ass fuck, with no manners and bad intentions. Ok, it probably does, but ask me if I give a fuck what people think?

This blog is my journal on my life, thoughts and opinions on what the fuck I think is goddamn hilarious and worth talking about. I hate being serious because I get enough of that shit at work and funerals. My mantra in life that society needs to live by is this - "Lighten the fuck up people". Why you ask? It's simple...society today is too uptight and caught up in meaningless bullshit. So many mother fuckers have sticks rammed so far up their asses that they don't realize they are fucking up everyone's goddamn universe and having them around isn't fucking fun. At.All.

Laughter is what puts people in a good mood. It's what makes them have that extra beer after work. It's what gives that guy the balls to walk up to that girl across the bar and ask her very bluntly, "Hey, would you like to fuck me? You're so beautiful sweet tits. Let me motor boat your melon sized vagina." It's what gives people a reason to fucking live for fuck's sake. Laughter is therapy and some people need this shit. And when I say "some people," I mean those uptight mother fuckers that need to grow a goddamn personality. Ain't no one trying to hang out with a bunch of square mother fuckers that drink tea all day while reading the Wall Street Journal. Do that shit around me, and I'll fucking kick you in the goddamn latissimus dorsi.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not always in a laughing mood. But when I am, life is better. You know, what I do isn't some extraordinary gift. All it is, is real fucking talk. It's me telling everyone what they want to say, but aren't saying. It's me telling everyone what they should do, but aren't doing. Are some of those suggestions really fucked up? Fuck yeah they are. No one said I was a professional advice-giver mother fucker. But c'mon, you think society is that stupid to not listen and say, "Damn, J-Wunder's got a good fucking point." You're Welcome.

Trying to sit and think of shit to write about, takes too much time. Time that I don't fucking have. That's why I post funny ass pictures and random shit from Facebook. Because if I have nothing to talk about, why not put up some shit that could do the talking and make people piss themselves. The emails I get from time to time are nutty. From relationship advice to some Facebooker that is irate at some bullshit, these people feed me material that is easy to talk about. Only because the shit that I've experienced first hand relates to it. Yeah, it may be fucked up or not make any fucking sense, but it's funny. I'm just curious to know how many people that have written to me that have actually taken my advice. I'm pretty sure if they did take what I said and ran with it, they would be better off then they were when they first submitted their question. But whatever, I ain't no fucking doctor. I just blurb shit that comes to mind.

So Michelle, I hope this answers your question. Sometimes when I just go off on shit, I end up not making any goddamn sense and don't answer the question that was asked. Personally, I really don't think mother fuckers care because they are probably interested on what random ass thing I'm gonna say next. That's the beauty of this blog. Who gives a shit as long as it's funny, right? I can't make this stuff up. Real talk.

Be good, get drunk and if you have sex with a guy that isn't your boyfriend, make sure you don't let him put it in your ass. Save that for the 2nd date...if there is one.

Cheers,

J-Wunder