Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Fourth of July: the anniversary of...



... the adoption of the Declaration of Independence? Yes.
... America declaring independence from Britain? Yes.
... a National holiday in the United States? Yes.

Independence Day is commonly associated with fireworks, parades, BBQs, beer, concerts, baseball games, and of course those fucking awkward family reunions. Independence Day is an excuse to get liquored up, do stupid things, blow things up, and most importantly, take a day off work.

But to me, my friends, the 4th of July also marks a very important day in the life of Ball Buster. It marks the day that I lost my virginity. I know it might be hard to imagine me as a young, impressionable, virgin...but it's true.


Now because such an event happened on America's Birthday, my friends tend to ask me some questions about the night that went down in history.

Did you see fireworks?
Before I started fucking, yes, there was a nice fireworks display over the lake. But later that night, zero fucking fireworks. If I can be honest, I saw two goddamn sparks but nothing ignited. Fucking dud. The only O-face was me saying, "Oooooooh, you're done already?"

Did you love him?
NO. I'd been dating the guy for a whole 2 weeks. Of course he told me he loved me -- to get in my pants, I'm sure -- but hell, it would have worked either way. I downed a lot of SoCo that night. But the sex would have been just about as memorable as if I had blacked out into a very deep coma.

Was it worth the wait?
Jury is still out. I waited to the ripe ol' age of 17. Call me a prude if you must, but remember, that was Young Ball Buster. Dumb, confused, novice. You would expect a guy who has been preparing for this their whole life to be ready. No sir. In this instance, I would have had more fun fucking a mannequin. Kidding (not really).

So as each 4th of July comes and passes, and I'm thankful about one thing about 2 pump chump (my loving nickname for my old boyfriend), at least I know what good sex is.

God Bless America,
Ball Buster

No comments: