Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Advice Column: Three's Company


So my husband and I have been together for 2 years this coming July. We have a very active and somewhat different sexual lifestyle. In that time frame we have invited 2 other women into our bedroom. The first time was a drunken one time thing with a friend. All went well, (very well), and we moved on from the experience. We talked about doing it again for a while, but had a hard time finding someone who would be willing to participate. Well, I became friends with a young lady and over the course of 4 months, after long nights of drinking, she came home with us 6 or 7 times. Everything was going great. I eventually got bored with her for a variety of reasons and we stopped hanging out, no hard feelings.
I guess I should interject here and say that this other girl is my husband's, best friend's, younger sister. I am extremely close to his wife. We were in each others wedding's; my husband his best man, he was my husband's best man and his wife was my maid oh honor.

Well needless to say we all went out for this young lady's birthday, and after a long night of drinking, I told her Sister in law what happened, because I felt like the secret was driving a wedge between us and our friendship. We weren't hanging out like we used too, etc. Because I felt kinda bad.

Shit hit the fan that night, my husband admitted our indiscretions to his best friend (the brother). The night ended back at their house, hashing it out and ended with "No hard feelings" "We are cool" etc. Handshakes and hugs. Since then, (the end of January) My husbands best friend, and his wife refuses to speak to both of us. I don't see what the big deal is, the girl was an adult, and made adult decisions. If someone stuck it to my sibling, and I was friends with them, I wouldn't give a fuck. Am I in the wrong here? Do we deserve to shunned by all of our friends because of this? Because that is what has happened. I don't know that they have the right to be pissed off.
Sincerely,
Three is better that two

 

Dear Cunty McBitchface,

Yeah, I wasn’t really down with your whole kumbaya "Three is Better than Two," sign off, because I am not digging what you are throwing down. So, I am just going to get right to it.

Of all the skanks, in all the bars, in the whole of your town, you had to go and fuck on your husband's best friend’s little sister? Real fucking classy, sizzle chest. Do you live in a town that is so small it only has two different families, and if you didn’t fuck this chick you would have to fuck one of your own cousins? I mean, for fucks sake, siblings are usually off limits to friends, especially the little sisters of your husband’s best friend.

I know this to be a fact, because growing up, my friends wanted to hang with my big bro, OG. Now, for whatever reason, girls find him attractive. I don’t see it, because all I see is the kid who used to take the legs off my Barbie dolls and use them as boomerangs, not the sex-god (oh, I just vomited) that my other friends saw. So, being a CONSIDERATE older brother, he never dated, banged, finger-banged, scissored, or any of that shit with my friends.

I, on the other hand, was not that considerate. And that, amongst a few other things, is something that almost became an irreparable rift between us. What you guys thought was so innocent by trying to get your fuck on, has now become some dramatic bullshit. Take some accountability for the fact that you messed up the delicate eco-system that is a little sister/older brother relationship, all because you couldn’t keep you beef-curtains closed to your husband’s best friend’s little sister.

My biggest issue with your question is this: who the fuck do you think you are, that you have any right to decide how people should and shouldn’t feel about anything? When I hear people say shit like that I get real stabby, because that is the most selfish kind of response someone could have. You are not the emotion police, and you don’t get to dictate who can feel what about why. Maybe you are the emotion queen on Planet Twatsicle, but here on earth people are allowed to feel whatever they want, whenever they want.

Obviously, you weren’t soooooo concerned with how they would feel when you confessed all this to your "best friends." I don’t know how many brothers (mine included) really want to think about their little sister getting filled out like an application BY THEIR BEST FRIEND AND HIS WIFE. I am all about people getting their freak on and doing things to each other that would make a goat throw up... but did you really have to tell this guy that you played Chinese finger cuffs with his little sister?

And just because YOU had no hard feelings over the way things ended, maybe the little sister did and after you spilled your slut-guts to the brother/wife, he talked to her and found out that she was upset about the way things went down. And perhaps she felt used and disposed of. Since you are so concerned with how everyone feels, why didn’t you ever think of that? Riiiiiiiiiiiight...because you are the Princess of feelings and get to dictate how everyone feels, based on your feelings at the time.

Instead of being all butt-hurt over how you think you are being wronged, why don’t you try being contrite over the fact that something you did may have hurt someones goddamn feelings or caused them to be uncomfortable. Sure, you are all adults and made adult decisions, but you act like your decisions has no ripple effects on anyone else. You are dead-ass wrong for that.

Take a minute. Better yet, take two. Think about someone else besides your twatty, selfish, self, for just that moment and realize that while you feel everyone should feel a certain way about something, maybe they don’t. And you need to make another adult decision and maybe say you are sorry that you stepped over a family boundary, sorry that you fucked around with some girl 6 or 7 times before you eventually got tired of her and sorry that you told her business to her brother.

Maybe you can repair the friendships after this. Maybe you can’t. But, I will say that I am 100% certain that you don’t get to dictate how things are supposed to go down after this. Hopefully, my words resonate with you, but I have a feeling you are not someone who is used to people telling them like it is. Go in peace and love, Slut-Guts. Just try not to wreck anymore families in the meanwhile.

Oh, and OG, I am still really sorry for all the slutty things I did with your friends. That was not cool of me.

P.S. For you to say that you wouldn't give a fuck if it was done to your sibling, that's the easy thing to say. Why? Because that shit probably has not and will not happen. But if you have a sister, maybe you should ask your best guy friends to run a train on her...then let's see how you really feel. Better yet, if your husband has a sister, tell him to do the same. I'm sure it will be no big fucking deal, right? GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT SHIT.

H-Bomb

25 comments:

LTrain said...

Amazing, as always. "Slut-guts" is one for the books.

Anonymous said...

Told.

Anonymous said...

OWNED!!!!!

Anonymous said...

love the site.. post was weak.... Ghetto genius that was real suburban

Anonymous said...

Right on the money man my sister did that shit to me and I had to beat her motherfuckin,ass #beentherebro

H-Bomb said...

Hey Anonymous ^^, this very well could be a "suburban" response, seeing as how I am a white, suburban woman, who lives a suburban life, but has Ghetto tendencies ;)

Thanks for taking the time to read AND comment.

XO

Anonymous said...

I value the freedom to make adult decisions over -anyone-'s feelings.

Guilt tripping and people's feelings about what you should and shouldn't do are how people control others.

Fuck that shit. As long as actions aren't immoral, do whatever you please. And hurting someone's feelings is not immoral.

Anonymous said...

Epic!!! Using Slut-Guts for that special moment.

Anonymous said...

good as fuck love this fuckin blog well done as always :)

Anonymous said...

H bomb i would to fuck the shit out of you.

Anonymous said...

Would love to * my.bad

Anonymous said...

I know I don't like hanging around swingers!! No I don't want your man or you! DISGUSTING!!! Keep your filth where it belongs; between your legs. No one has to except that you choose to be a cunt/cum guzzling whore.

Anonymous said...

Would you reply to me h bomb im the one.who wants to fuck you

H-Bomb said...

Hi Stacy ;)

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Anonymous said...

Creepy...

Anonymous said...

why the fuck do people feel the need to "purge their souls" .... keep that shit to yourself you selfish assholes.... don't nobody need to know that shit so you can make yourself feel better... Oh you had an affair and you feel bad and you need to tell your husband or wife because the guilt is eating you alive?? WELL FUCKING DON'T !!! Go get a therapist and dont ever do it again... and if you DO want to do it again then get a divorce first.

DestinDeya said...

Her attitude was extremely callous. Sounded like she wanted to start drama by telling the brother. I'm sure there is more there than what was told.

Anonymous said...

I fuckin love your nuts..lmao Good shit, real talk, and sugsr free ;-)

Anonymous said...

Anything that starts "Dear Cunty McBitchface" is a complete winner.

Rebecca A. Jordan said...

Wow! Your such a great role model. You should see if local schools need you to come in and do motivational speeches. I think that is just what we need to rise above the schools in Japan.

Rebecca A. Jordan said...

You can be Ghetto, then grow up, get a job, and move into a nice house in the suburban area. Anonymous you just gotta move outta ya mom's basement first. You'll love it in the burbs, I should know. I was on the fast track plan, but don't worry mom said you had all the time you need.

Great advice H-Bomb

Anonymous said...

H Bomb ur a great writer! Ignore the ignorance and continue ur wonderful work. Haters make the world go round and then they fall off!!!!