Well ladies, (and some men, but shhhhhhhhh.... don't tell GG, surprise buttsecks is the only kind of buttsecks he likes.... just kidding. He is strictly a Poon Pounder) you asked for it, and we here at GG Headquarters like to give back to the people who make all this possible. Presented to you on a rusty platter from last year's Merry Shitfacemas and with the paperwork to prove he only has a slight case of the mouth herps, The Ghetto Angels give you...
Mr. Wunderful himself, J-Wunder The Magnificunt, also known as the "Guamaconda" for your sexual displeasure. Or pleasure if you are into 2 minutes of jack-rabbit thrusting and one giant heave of sadness when he comes. If you actually believe what we just wrote, then you don't deserve a chance with J-Wunder. Whoever the lucky lady is that gets to spend a night with him is going to be turned into a human pretzel and devoured. He brings his own mustard, too.
Since he puts EVERYTHING out there for all the world to see, you might think you know the Ghetto Genius. But, there is so much more to the man, the myth, the legend. We are going to give you a rare glimpse into the tender, poet-soul of J-Wunder, and when you are done reading, if you think you can step toe-to-toe with this man (and you can show us a valid Guamaconda wrangler's license) you will win one night of hot, sweaty, monkey butt loving, courtesy of The CREW. Oh, we didn't mention that we are footing the bill for this misadventure? We are and you are very fucking welcome, bitches. Since this is on our dime, you had better bring it, or the next date you go on is going to be with my open hand.
Now for the good stuff:
Sex: 100% Male. More like Beast. Sexy Fucking Beast. But you already knew that.
Age: 33 years old and fucks like an 18 year old. Speaking of 18 year olds, you do have to be 18 to do this. 21 if you want to drink and do this. I don't want to see that J-Wunder had to shoe box Chris Hanson because your dumb ass did some dumb ass shit.
Height: 5'11", legs like tree trunks (did I hear some one say Standing 69??), ass you can bounce a quarter off of, and as for the "other" appendage? Well, we will let you find out for yourself. But we are willing to bet that you are going to need a tele-thon for vagoplasty when he is done smashing you. We are already in talks to get Sarah McLachlan to write a song for your busted meat curtains.
Weight: He feels light as a feather in your arms. Fuck that emo bullshit, the man is solid, works out and looks fucking good. You had better look half as good as him or he is 2 bag fucking you. I know we all know what that is, so I am not going to clarify. And if you don't? You are too stupid to go out with him anyway.
Hair Color: Bald is beautiful. However, he does rock some sweet facial hair and if you are lucky his face is going to look like a Krispy Kreme donut when he is done pleasuring you.
Eye Color: Do you really fucking care? All you need to know is that yours will be rolling in the back of you head during the night. If you really fucking care, they are brown. Ok. Like doo-doo brown. Looks like someone shit in his eye sockets? Are you happy now?
Marital Status: Ready to mingle with your private parts. We mean S-E-X.
Kids: About 8 million of them swimming in his balls, as we write this. He likes to put his babies in your mouth, BTW.
Occupation: Producer by day, Blogger by night, and semi-professional Stunt Cock. He would do porn professionally, but the last porn star he banged said it hurt too much and lasted too long.
College: Cal Poly - San Luis Obispo. We don't even know what the fucking mascot is and we bet he doesn't either. He is fucking smart and shit; he majored in partying, pussy and reckless abandon. He got his Ph.D in awesome from the University of Your Mom and graduated Cuma Ona Yourface with a 6.0.
Current Location: Bay Area, but he has been saving his frequent flyer miles so he can come to you, too. We would prefer to come to you because the fucker really likes to travel. Give him an airplane seat, a blankie and a ginger ale in a can and he is a happy mother fucker. Oh, and he likes sex in airplane bathrooms. We want him to go to you, because if you are bat shit fucking crazy (and we are really hoping you are) then we want him to be as far away from his safe space, so that when you bring the crazy he is in an alley somewhere, crying, pissing and shitting himself, and begging for his mommy.
If you think you have the stamina, prowess and extra kidney it takes to spend a night in the presence of greatness, then feel free to send us a short essay, double spaced, in 10 pt Arial font, and let us know why you think you should Win a Date with J-Wunder. All submissions will be shared between us and nothing is personal or confidential. Don't forget to send pictures. Naked ones, preferably, with you and another female friend applying. You will be judged on your appearance and ability to bring it. Don't fuck this up.
Now get to work...you have some cock to win.
Send all inquiries to: goodgirl1122@gmail.com
Please note: So my crew came to me with this goddamn idea...lets just say, they are always looking out for my best interest. BUT, they love taking shit to the next level. Fucking bitches.
