Typically after Raider home games, me and my boy Jay stick around and wait for the BART crowd to die down so we don't have to deal with all the madness and stupid drunk fucks acting like, well, stupid drunk fucks. But after yesterdays win against KC, it became absolute madness!
I guess after 3 straight wins and going 3-0 in the AFC West, 61,000 crazy fans never want to leave. I'm talking about how fans were still tailgating in a packed parking lot an hour after the game while the BART platform was being regulated by every Oakland cop. Yeah, that shit was no joke.
So after the madness calmed down after an hour, I got on my train and took a seat with an ugly ass smile on my face. In front of me sat a very drunk Hispanic Raider fan, to my left was a random guy drinking a Corona and in front of that guy sat a group of Asian dudes decked out in Raider gear. Nothing better than what I heard from these lovely fans...
The drunk Hispanic guy gets on his cell and starts to talk to his wife. He then begins to yell, "Why didn't you watch the fucking Raider game?! I'm a Raiders fan and you didn't watch the game?" (Hey buddy, obviously she didn't give a shit, so enough with the verbal abuse.) He proceeds to put the phone on speaker phone, gets his daughter on the phone and says, "Tell your mom to take the sausages out of the freezer so I can fucking eat them. Are we having spaghetti?" (Note, his daughter sounded like she was 3 and I really don't think she understood what the fuck this dude was saying.) He gets off the phone then asks everyone what we think he should eat for dinner. I almost wanted to say, "How bout when you get home, you eat your fucking pillow and go to sleep you drunk bastard." I know I get wasted, but I don't think I have ever made a scene like this guy has...but then again, I have done some pretty embarrassing shit. Anyway, our drunk buddy passed out and missed his exit. Bad juju my friend, very bad juju.
Now onto my buddy that was sitting to my left. I'll just fast forward to the dialogue he had with the people in front of him.
Corona guy: "Hey guys, were there any hot blondes at the Raider game?"
Asian dudes: "Yeah, there were shit loads of hot bitches there. All drunk and shit!"
Corona guy: "You guys ever eat a chicks asshole out?"
Asian dudes: *scared laughter*
Corona guy: "This one time, I ate this chicks asshole out for 4 fucking hours and this bitch farted in my mouth! Can you believe that shit? I kinda liked it though. Man, I love eating some asshole."
Asian dudes and surrounding fans: *silence and looks of disgust*
Corona guy gets up, sees a girl sitting across the way (she was probably 16, I think) and takes a seat right next to her. She hears what he was saying 2 minutes prior then rushes off the next exit. I sat there straight faced and confused. "Did this fucking guy really just tell a bunch of us, out of the blue, that he ate some chicks asshole out for 4 hours then she farted?" The mother fucker was serious and it shocked the living shit out of me. Almost made me throw up all over myself. Damn! Never saw a group of drunk Asian dudes so uncomfortable in my life.
It never gets old on BART. You think you see it and hear it all, but there is always a new surprise. Today, I'm laughing my ass off thinking about that Corona guy and the way he told the story. I don't think I'll ever forget those words, "This bitch farted in my mouth..." Un-fucking-real.
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