Excerpt of the Day

"She said she had to go to the bathroom and at this point, I’ve never seen anyone more drunk than she was. I pretty much had to carry her into the bathroom line.

So its finally her turn to go to the bathroom and I asked her if she could go in there by herself. I wasn’t volunteering but I was going to have one of her girlfriends go in there with her but she insisted she was fine so I waited outside the door for her to come out.

Dear

Half an hour later she is STILL in there and I’m pounding on the door to get her the fuck out of there but she locked the door. Finally I opened up the door with my driver’s license and an instant horrible smell hits me. I open the door all the way and I see candy lying on the floor passed out.

Then I noticed the rest of the bathroom.

During that half hour, Candy had managed to shit EVERYWHERE. I’m talking EVERYWHERE. I woke her up and asked her what the fuck happened and all she said was, “I tried to clean it up” before passing out again.

So basically, Candy here tried to shit in the toilet but missed and then tried to clean it up by smearing it all around and throwing it all over the place. The shower, the ceiling, the mirror..EVERYWHERE."

Lemme guess...you drank FourLoko?