Four Loko User of the Day

Ian Cross: I got drunk on beer and whiskey. When we went on a booze run we decided we need energy. We decided on Four Loko. One of those bad boys sent me into a downward spiral. First, I fought a door. Then I got into an arguement with my roomate about nothing. I gathered up all of my hygiene gear, a Hajii rag, an 8 intch knife, and a bottle of mustard. After throwing all of my hygiene gear into the river, I wrapped the Hajii rag around my head like a terrorist. I found a tree that i didnt like, sprayed it with mustard, and proceeded to knife fight it for about 10 minutes. I disapeared. I found out later that multiple cop cars were on the look out for me for about an hour. I forgot why i was mad at my roomate and started back. thats when I was arrested. Damn fuzz finally got me. My roomate magically showed up and started yelling things like,"TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF!! IT LOOKS BETTER ON COPS!!" I didn't have the knife on me anymore so they had to let me go. Colonel Mustard, in the quad, with the knife. Game over.

You will be missed...

By the many consumers that enjoyed blacking out and shitting themselves periodically...

Excerpt of the Day

"She said she had to go to the bathroom and at this point, I’ve never seen anyone more drunk than she was. I pretty much had to carry her into the bathroom line.

So its finally her turn to go to the bathroom and I asked her if she could go in there by herself. I wasn’t volunteering but I was going to have one of her girlfriends go in there with her but she insisted she was fine so I waited outside the door for her to come out.

Dear

Half an hour later she is STILL in there and I’m pounding on the door to get her the fuck out of there but she locked the door. Finally I opened up the door with my driver’s license and an instant horrible smell hits me. I open the door all the way and I see candy lying on the floor passed out.

Then I noticed the rest of the bathroom.

During that half hour, Candy had managed to shit EVERYWHERE. I’m talking EVERYWHERE. I woke her up and asked her what the fuck happened and all she said was, “I tried to clean it up” before passing out again.

So basically, Candy here tried to shit in the toilet but missed and then tried to clean it up by smearing it all around and throwing it all over the place. The shower, the ceiling, the mirror..EVERYWHERE."

Lemme guess...you drank FourLoko?