(630): I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
(516): She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
(435): i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
(772): He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
(925): I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
(937): Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
(818): At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
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