Hersha Howard was arrested Sunday after a battle royale that ravaged the entire apartment, according to police.
The 31-year-old Naples resident allegedly first attacked Jasmin Wanke around 1 a.m. while she was sleeping – launching an angry rant about missing Thin Mints, Wanke told authorities.
The chocolate-coated mint wafers are one of the most popular of the Girl Scout varieties, and are only available once a year.The two argued about the cookies, then Wanke claims Howard – who according to the police report weighs 400 pounds – jumped on her and hit her in the face. They fought until Wanke's husband pulled them apart.
Howard then allegedly chased after Wanke with a pair of scissors, police were told. Howard ditched the cutting implements, however, and instead picked up a board and whacked Wanke.
The fight moved into the kitchen, where Howard allegedly hurled her heft at Wanke again. As they fought, Howard bit Wanke's breast and struck her several times.
Wanke's husband once against separated the pair, and kept Howard restrained until cops arrived, police said.
Howard was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.
My thoughts:
I don't know about you, but this is the first time I've ever heard of some motherfucker's fighting over some goddamn cookies. However, thin mints are the second coming of crack cocaine, so I can see how this big ass bitch, Hersha Howard, went crazy on her roommate for "allegedly" eating her shit. Last time I checked, fucking with a fat persons food, is like fucking with a bums shopping cart...YOU JUST DON'T DO IT. But let's look at this realistically...
Don't get me wrong, Girl Scout cookies are absolutely fucking delicious. All those amazing flavors...damn that shit is amazing! Matter of fact, me and a few other co-workers have already gone through two fucking boxes the past two days. But c'mon people...beating some bitch up for eating your $4 box of wholesome goodness is just plain fucked up! What's even worse, was the bitch who was attacked, was fucking asleep when all this shit went down. Over some fucking cookies people!!! Bare with me here and imagine for a minute you were sleeping all soundly and shit, when all of the sudden...some goddamn mammoth lays her big ass body on you and starts to use your fucking face as a punching bag. Do you know how that would feel? I mean, that shit is probably worse than getting your body choked by a motherfucking anaconda. If you think I'm full of shit, you try letting a 400 pound walrus lay on top of you, and see how it feels. You'd be fucking lucky if your ass didn't die within seconds.
The start of this altercation is only the beginning. What about when the Second Coming of the Cookie Monster starting chasing this bitch around with a pair of scissors? Again...over some goddamn motherfucking cookies ya'll!!!! Scissors? Are you fucking serious?!? What would cause a bitch to go this ballistic on another individual over some shit like some chocolate mint flavored cookies? The only fucking thing I can think of, is that this fat broad was either having a really shitty day, someone died or she had menstrual cramps so goddamn bad, that it felt like fucking Satan took over her body. I get you love yourself some Girl Scout cookies, but is it worth stabbing your roommate? That shit ain't right.
And if you guys thought the scissors incident was bad, how bout when Snuffaluffagus decided to pick up a board and start whacking her "alleged" cookie stealer? It's like this apartment they fucking live in has weapon access everywhere! Just when you thought that could be the end of it, State Puft went Mike Tyson on her roommate and bit that bitch on her titty and started punching the shit out of her. Yeah...THAT.JUST.HAPPENED.
Over some cookies guys. Not over a man. Not over money. Not over some family shit. Over some goddamn Girl Scout cookies. The Thin Mint ones.
Society has come to this. Finding a reason to fight over some shit. First it was religion. Then politics. Then gang colors. Now fucking food. Actually, not even fucking food. More like a sweet fucking dessert treat. A thin mint. A piece of food that looks like a 12 year old's dookie. Motherfuckers are crazy. I know one thing...I'll never fuck with anyone that absolutely LOVES Girl Scout cookies. Fuck that...go ahead and have them to yourself. I'm cool with eating some stale ass chips, motherfucker.
26 comments:
smh, if only she knew the good ol' Keebler elf makes the same damn things you can buy at any grocery store!!! and they're cheaper...just sayin
$20 says that Jasmin Wanke, who was rudely awakened, did not infact eat those Thin Mints. My guess is that crazy bitch, Hersha Howard, has a sleep walking problem and her fat ass ate them in her sleep. Ain't that some shit?
LMFAO! Where's that fucking "Like" button?
400 lbs. Her Husband must have been one strong man!
state puff? i hate to do it, but imma have to troll this one. its stay puft marshmallow man, dick!
Mt favorite part is the use of the word HEFT! The fight moved into the kitchen, where Howard allegedly hurled her heft at Wanke again.
Great stuff,great commentary,my bro says her diabetes wanted her cookies LOL fuck u trolls,this shits hilarious!
This shit is just plain WRONG. But who is to blame? The 400lb walrus bitch....or those goddamn GIRL SCOUTS! going door to door selling their addictive treats to poor elephant-like bitch's? Thats like a crack dealer...delivering their goods, then saying 'sorry, dunno when i'll be back around'. So you buy some...go out,come back and your purchase is gone? THESE GIRL SCOUTS NEED REGULATING, otherwise this shit will contine and bitches are gonna continue to get their tittie's bit. The evil ones here? GIRL SCOUTS.
I bet her big ass forgot she devoured them herself...
I don't know about you, but I HATE it when someone touches my shit. They were roommates, you KNOW this wasn't the first time this bitch stole something from the heifer. I say the bitch got what was comming to her. How fucking stupid does a bitch gotta be to touch a fatties cookies. I learned my lesson a long time ago...LOL
Wow smfh.....but lmmfao too
Oh. MY. GOSH! I think I just developed some Bowflex abs laughing at this shit!
someone went cookie monster on their ass...
someone went cookie monster on their ass...
I have gone to my local girl scouts headquarters to get a box of Samoas. They ARE available year round. Just sayin. This bitch had pms n possible serious munchies.
You know what's even worse? Getting an axe to the face while your sleeping! This happened to a friend of mine like 7 years ago. He was sleeping and his roomate came in and axed him in the face. The only reason he's not dead is because the ceilings were low, and the gut couldn't get a full swing in. It missed anything vital. He has this narly scar that goes down his face now. He had a shirt over his face when his friend took him to the hospital and I guess the receptionist told him to fill out the form and have a seat. He kindly removed the shirt and told her he needed to be seen immediately. The receptionist flipped OUT! I guess his nose was just kind of hanging off and it looked really freaky. He couldn't really feel much at that point.
Bitch would lose her legs if she touched my thin mints!
Buy that cow some Grasshoppers... the prison will accept care packages a couple times a year.
Does anyone else find it amusing that the roommate's last name is Wanke (pronounced Wanky) ... I couldn't stop laughing past the 1st paragraph... LOL...
DAMN!! You don't have to pay the price for the Keebler brand! You can go to Wal-Mart and get the Great Value White Package cookiesfor $1 less than the Keebler brand!! Thin Mints are not that great!!
I'd cut a bitch over some tagalongs, but thin mints? That's just ridiculous.
Tagalongs be havin me want to shank a bitch LMAO
CMATFU!!! An oldie but a goodie! Love u, J-Wun!
Thank you for this post, I needed a laugh today! I fuss with my old man about my samoas girl scout cookies every year. I will go on him if he eats my shit up! but this chic caught a case!
Lol you can't take a fat girls cookies!! She might actually lose some weight! What the hell?? Lol
It's girl scout think mints...they cost $4 a box.....she is fat...we all know not to fuck with her cookies...surprisingly no one died
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