Wednesday, December 21, 2011

14 High School Classmates You’ll See Over Winter Break

Most Likely To Succeed Turned Degenerate
While growing up, being an over-achiever made this kid feel like he was king of the world. But once he moved out of the house, and didn't have his @sshole dad breathing down his neck every second, the guy just fell apart. Sure, he might have gotten into a good school, but after realizing he could do whatever he wanted, things quickly went downhill. BUY HIM SHOTS!

Popular Girl Who Still Thinks She's Special
If she's in college, she'll probably be an even bigger b*tch than she was in 10th grade, since she's had a couple more solid years of getting f*cked (over) by football players to really cement her nasty demeanor. If she didn't go to college, chances are she's divorced, with a toddler and a unhealthy fondness of white wine. You might think this makes her easier to hook-up with, but you'd be wrong. AVOID.

Bag of Bones To Black Ops
He got the sh*t end of the bully stick, constantly. It was hard to imagine he'd ever grow big enough to be anything more than hilarious butt of joke. So to come home and find him a war veteran with battle scars and 143 ways to kill you in under a 10 seconds will quickly have minding your manners. BUY HIM BEERS.

The Late Bloomer
The late bloomer just never got the memo until she was at college. Now she's through her "awkward phase," rounded out in all the right places and acquired a good a sense of humor, turning herself into some kind of dream woman capable of amazing things. BUY HER A RING.

Nerd Turned Billionaire
While you were busy getting drunk in a field, this dude was mastering code. And since then, he's built a computer program that you're too dumb to understand, sold it for millions of dollars and now spends most of his time screwing high-end Asian hookers. Show some humility, heap some praise, and pitch your million dollar idea.

Reformed Slut
She once blew three dudes in the parking lot at lunch. Now she's on her knees for a totally different reason. Dear God.

Once a Loser, Always a Loser
Not even the college experience of drugs and alcohol can bring this kid a modicum amount of cool. He's the kid who just didn't get the memo or was too lazy to do anything about it. He could just move and put this place in his rearview mirror or become Style Overhaul Brah.

Knocked Up & Wifed Up
It'll most likely be really hard to relate to what this chick (or the guy she's marrying) are getting into. Either the situation has caused each of them to sober up and assume responsibility or to completely go off the deep end in denial. We'll drink to that.

Jock Turned Cop
He messed with nerds in the hallways, now he messes with everyone on the road.

Hot Slut Who's Still Slutty But Not as Hot
I always thought taking loads to the face and throat would keep the skin and body fresh and nourished, but sometimes chicks take their looks for granted and figure 'hey, i just need to show up to get plowed'. That's totally true until you can't form words, reek of cigarettes and puke, and your muffin top pours out over your baggy sweatpants.

Style Overhaul Brah
He was once a punk, now he's preppy or vice versa. He let his hair grow out after rocking the buzzcut for his entire life. He now rocks the Ryan Dunn beard (as a tribute?). The assumption here is he was trying to not let what happened in high school happen in college. Shrewd move, but everyone knows you pissed your pants in gym class.

Hot Chick Turned Fat Pig
She had a ridiculous body in high school and could eat whatever she wanted without gaining a pound. She must've ditched the bulimia routine in college. Freshman 15? Try Freshman 50.

New Accent Guy / Girl
They study abroad for a semester and they think they're citizens. Or they go to school in the South and come back spittin' "y'alls".

The Gay Kid Finally Came Out of the Closet!
Of course, it all depends on where you went to school, but the majority of people are happy this happened. Now, instead of persecuting him or her for pretending to be someone he or she isn't, now we persecute him or her for being so over-the-top, in-our-faces with their gay pride. We get it, just chill and tell us who else you think is gay.

via - Co-ed Magazine


Anonymous said...

I'm tha reformed slut... Use 2 bang 3 guys a day... Sometimes all at once :) but I'm a mommy now...& I still hav few moments far between.. I try n just b a good mommy!

Anonymous said...

Tits or GTFO

Anonymous said...

<••• Quiet & shy in school. AWSOME GAY CHICK now. Good Lord thats so true!

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I know the style overhaul brah. He was in debate, school politics, football, etc. Now he looks like a grungy biker. Funny thing is I used to look like the biker and now I'm the clean cut suit and tie guy.

Anonymous said...

So inbetween being a good mommy you have slut moments? How does that work

Anonymous said...

Can I be one of those moments?

Anonymous said...

Aahhh i know all of them and have since laughed seeing them on facebook. Most of the preppy rich kids all failed due to all the parties. The ones that did try and pick on me in highschool now wanna be my friend because im doing well. I throw a fifty at them and try not to spit on them when they pick it up. Bwahahaha

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I Know every single person on the list. I'm not sure which category I fall under. I didn't see "stupid over-partying/know-it-all teenager now turned successful scientist". Yes, that's right, I'm one of the fuck ups who woke up one day and realized I can't party forever. I can only imagine what I could have been if I didn't waste so many fucking brain cells on doing drugs in the late 90's. hahaha!!

I do know a lot of silver spoon fucker's who used to have their nose up in the air constantly, most of them work at local fast food restaurants now!!

Anonymous said...

da fuq?damn tell that story

Anonymous said...

LMAO, that's me too.

Anonymous said...

I know a lot of the hot chicks turned fat and now they think that being the slut they should have been in school will help them lose weight!