Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Advice Column: Who Dat Attention Whore?

Dear J-Wunder,

Attention whores. You know the ones...they start out young like in high school and probably have serious daddy issues. Things have gotta be all "me, me, me" and if the attention is somewhere else, they divert it back.

They know EVERYTHING about everything, got an opinion on it if they happen to not. Crazy elusive and mysterious diseases? Been there. Problem childhood? Theirs would put Rosemary's babies to shame. Often "front" and pretend to be someone/something they're not to gain the attention. Fake ass bitches.

Would love your thoughts on who men, but especially women, love to hate.

Love the blog,
Attention Whores Have Issues


Dear Attention Whores Have Issues,

When I was in high school, there were these group of cunts that walked around campus like they were the shit. I would tell you what their clique was called, but unfortunately, I never paid fucking attention. It might have sounded something like, "Cunt Face Bitches Who Suck Cock for Marlboro Reds".  Yeah, sounds about right. Anyway, after high school, all these bitches grew up, didn't do shit with their life but got a job. You know as what? ATTENTION SEEKING WHORES. Who knew there was actually a job where you didn't get paid, but worked overtime to make sure people knew you were the most annoying bitch on the motherfucking planet. Go fucking figure, right?

I'm gonna be real and whoever hates me after this, I don't give two fucks. Why? Because FUCK YOU, that's why. Shall we?

Breaking down an attention whore is quite fucking simple. Like you stated above, they will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to get attention. See, it doesn't matter what you do, if it doesn't involve them, it bugs the shit out of them. If you don't know what I'm talking about, this should give you a rough idea:

The Facebook Whore:
I like pics. You like pics. However, attention whores LOVE pics. Of themselves. Meaning, with no one else. In a bikini. Doing the duck face. Looking (or trying to be) sexy. At the club. In the bathroom. Teasing future stalkers and ex-boyfriends. You get my point.

10 photo albums. 2,163 pics. 2,161 of just them. While one being of their ugly ass fucking mutt and the other one of a shitty sunset they took through a goddamn screen door.

Anything that drives people to go to their page, lets them know what they're doing is awesome. And don't even get me started with their bullshit statuses on 1) How awesome they are, 2) How much they love sex, 3) Living the baller life...blah, blah, fucking blah. You know what is great about the internet? You can fucking lie like a motherfucker. The Facebook Whore lives in that world. A goddamn lie...because bitch, we know that's not how you roll. No one would fuck you, not even sure you got a damn job, your ass is always broke, and you barely got any friends. The only reason why people don't "unfriend" you is so they can make fun of you. 

Really nothing more to say but, go seek help, bitch. The worst part...they really have nothing going for them. And they wonder why they're single. Next...

The I've Been Through It All Whore:
Anything you went through, this cunt has went through, but 10 times worse. If you had cancer, they had terminal cancer with a hint of AIDS but was miraculously cured by sucking cock in an 18 man gangbang Bukaki style. Have a hard time sleeping? Don't worry...they haven't slept for 4 years straight and cured that by masturbating to Kenny G while sipping warm milk and wearing self-made ear muffs. Rough childhood with abusive parents? That ain't shit because they were stabbed in the chest at age 4 while fighting their drunken father in hand-to-hand combat, in a coma til age 13, then woke up knowing 10 languages and the meaning of fucking life. They could have been a doctor. They could have been the next mother fucking President of the United States. Instead, they are single, have 2 kids from an asshole ex-husband, don't know long division, and think their 3 day a week job deserves to be salaried. Moving on...

The Me, Me, Me, Whore:
You might as well throw the top two categories into this one because honestly, attention whores are all about ME, ME, ME, right? I've met some annoying motherfuckers in my life. But the Me, Me, Me, Whore takes the goddamn cake. No fucking joke.

Anywhere this bitch goes, so does the idea that all the attention needs to be on them. Heading to a friends birthday party, VIP style...guess who is gonna make sure the birthday girl plays second fiddle? Yup, the Me, Me, Me, Whore. Oh, got a lavish wedding you're going too? The Me, Me, Me, Whore will be the only bitch wearing a white Vera Wang dress along with the bride. Awkward? Not to the Me, Me, Me, Whore. That shit comes natural. Fucking twatface.

It doesn't matter where these bitches go, or what they do...they will ALWAYS make the attempt to turn the tables so everything and everyone is focused on them. That means if they have to cause a scene over some bullshit, they will. They're shady. They act like they care about what you're saying, then in turn, fuck you sideways and try to make you look worthless. Which reminds me, these cunts, are notorious for playing the passive-aggressive role. And if there is one thing I know about society, it's that we hate motherfuckers that play the passive-aggressive role. The Me, Me, Me, Whore's are masters of it. Real talk, no one should trust these bitches if they even paid you (ok, for a million fucking dollars, I'll pretend to trust the slut).

The secret to these attention seekers is that they love to play the person you can lean on, that way you can trust them. Then, depending on what day it is, they end up fucking you with a brillo pad (those rusty, old ass ones too) but end up playing the victim. Because that's what attention whores do. Set-up situations so everything is focused back to them. The 5 minutes of work they put in on "being a friend" and you "gaining their trust", will end up turning into the worst fucking moment of your goddamn life. True story.

Please note: I really don't think what I just wrote in this last paragraph made any fucking sense, but lets just pretend it kinda did. Ok, thanks. I need some mother fucking coffee STAT.

In any event, these fuckmouth bitches want everything gravitated towards them. No if, and's or but's about it. End of story. 

So if you see this happening, powder that hand mother fuckers and keep the PIMP HAND STRONG because that's the only way we can put these fuckers in their place.

Attention whores aren't anyone's cup of tea except their own. That's why these bitches are miserable, single, don't have a real job, lie, talk shit, are passive-aggressive, ugly on the inside, eh on the outside, awful story tellers and straight up, no doubt, 100% fuckmouth cunt fucks.


Haters gonna hate, good thing I speak the truth.

Fuck 'em,

J-Wunder

26 comments:

Christine said...

i love you. that is all......;)

KnowDatHo said...

I fucking LOVE you!
Amazing, Nail right on the ole head!

Holdin' Holden said...

It's not even funny how FUNNY THIS IS

Melissa R i can change this later right?? said...

You are amazing. I couldn't have said it better myself, but I bet I know an attention whore that thinks she could. LOVE the blog :)

Anonymous said...

Omg this is my mother to a T! Except you left out old, jealous and cunty.

Anonymous said...

I know a couple of these whores. What's bad is the one I have to deal with is a guy! He suffers from small dog syndrome and is such a fucking attention seeking whore. I can't stand him. He is breaking my family apart as he is my sisters bf and she is the only one who can deal with him. Parents can't stand him. Hell, his own family can't stand him. He is a fucking assholes that I just want to beat the shit out of. I can't even carry a conversation on with anybody if he is around because he always jumps in. He either changes the subject.completely or has.to explain how he knows so much and how much he went thru to learn it or deal with it. I cannot stand him! So just as a side.note, make sure the blog readers know, not all attention whores are women.

Thedrunkenpandabear said...

Love this! So true!

Craughing said...

Totally dated this guy last year, he was all of the above mentioned attention seeking whores wrapped into one... Going to court in the next couple of months for his felony stalking charges. Attention seeking whores can be down right fucking scary!!

Anonymous said...

True Fucking story!!

jules said...

just seeing this for the first time, brings this to mind...http://www.blinkx.com/watch-video/snl-dinner-party-skit/1X7oGphve_HoAl-a62ROng

Kayla Marie said...

OMMFG!!! ONE of the guys I deal with is an I've Been Through It All Whore with a side of Emo....what's worse is that he has a bi-polar crush on me. One minute, I'm a "cold bitch" because I won't date him, then the next he claims to have had a dream about me where I died & in my last words I professed my love. (WTF?)

Kayla Marie said...

One more: You forgot the "I'm Deleting My Account Because of Internet Drama But I Want You To Tell Me To Stay Whore".

madhat76 said...

You hit the nail on the fuckin' head!

KoolEMac said...

^^^lol foreal!

Anonymous said...

This is the best! Just shared it with my coworkers because we FINALLY got rid of an attention whore yesterday.

Janie Zaicek said...

TRUTH !!! OH holy hello is this ever the truth !!!

blueyestwistd said...

Lhfh!

Anonymous said...

So fuckin true!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just rid my life of one of these bitches!

Anonymous said...

You forgot to add those thirsty bitches from Instagram, Tumblr and Twitter.

Anonymous said...

Describes my old friend exactly!!! Except the sexy pics. That bitch is a troll/ ogre.

Anonymous said...

I know the me, me, me, attention whore. Wish I never met the hag.

Anonymous said...

Damn it lol. I see this dude erry day. The whole package all wrapped up in one.

Anonymous said...

So dam true love this!!!

Abby said...

"The secret to these attention seekers is that they love to play the person you can lean on, that way you can trust them. Then, depending on what day it is, they end up fucking you with a brillo pad (those rusty, old ass ones too) but end up playing the victim."---> no truer words ever spoken!

Kayla A.G. said...

this is so true. down the last word. they suck the life out of you. and when they play the victim, they want you to come and kiss their ugly ass. hellouuurrr no not happening crazy monstar psycho bitch!

i cant believe how you've described this psycho to the T. thank you!

Beki Haddix said...

Sliced bread is the greatest thing since you. Seriously. Fanfuckingtastic