Thursday, December 22, 2011

Scotchy, Scotch, Scotch



My Dearest Glen,


The English language, or any language for that matter will never have enough words to show my love and affection for you. When I gently lift you to my slightly parted lips, take you into my mouth, roll you around on my tongue and then slowly, oh, so slowly let you slide down the back of my throat I am reborn in my love for you. You have proven to be a constant and steadfast love these last 10 years. From the first moment I laid eyes on you, I knew I had to have you....


OK, I need to slow the fuck down before I need a change of panties. And yes, I am wearing panties. In case anyone was wondering, my love letter was to the scotch Glenlivet. Or as I fondly call it, "Glen", which I am currently sipping on as my Sinner- not a typo; wait for it Scotch/Dinner. Yeah, I am drinking scotch for dinner. Haters to the left!

My love affair with scotch started about a decade ago when my dad introduced it to me. It was love at first sip. The bold, heady scent along with the warm glow it gave me sealed my fate on that first glass. I was a goner. Neat, on the rocks or in a scotch-cone (that is scotch over shaved ice, like a snow cone, but instead of food coloring I use scotch) I love scotch in all it's permutations.

Over the years my love for scotch has never waned. And most of my friends know; when we go out, if I order a scotch... shit is about to get real. However, scotch to me is something to be savored, adored, caressed and loved. It is not to be tossed back like Jagermeister. Also, I only drinks the finest of scotches, so I am not going to treat it like some shitty well liquor to be used just for intoxication. I love scotch so much I want to take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant.

For me I love scotch because of its versatility. When I go for drinks after an especially hard week at work? Scotch. Being introduced at my best friend's wedding? That's not me tucking my hand under my jacket, that's me trying to conceal the scotch I have in my hand. Sitting at home, getting ready to enjoy a 4 day holiday weekend? Mother-fucking right! Scotch. H-Bomb + scotch = 4-eva

5 comments:

Codie said...

This made me want to try some scotch! Haha

Anonymous said...

Or as we call it in Scotland ... whisky (note no E) ...

Eric F said...

Glenlivet is the shit! It makes driving around Florida with all these fucking old people tolerable!

H-Bomb said...

Eric F, where are you in FL?

Chrystal said...

I too adore Glen! Makes the world a much more tolerable place to live in! Cheers, Glen is well loved!