Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Advice Column: Double Meat...No Extra Charge

Dear J-Wun,

I have been reading your blog and loving it, thank you for the honesty and the entertainment.  As I was laughing my bag off, all of a sudden it hit me, you're the only one I want to answer my question.  I am a 30 year old woman, who has done her share of dating, relationships, one night stands, and the like. But something has always inhibited large labia.  Wait, what? Yep, I said it, my inner lips are larger than my outer lips.  It's always on my mind during sex, especially oral sex.  I think it's worth mentioning that I am pretty easy on the eyes, and definitely keep my lady bits clean.  While I have never received any complaints, (uhh....your vag is gross) and have had plenty of lovers, my insecurities remain. Are men talking about this to their friends behind my back?  Are men really turned off by this?  I have heard many a comedian mock the subject, as well as guy friends comment things like "I can't stand when a woman has too much roast beef"  or "meat flaps are a total turn off."  I have considered and am still considering surgery, as honestly, I don't really like what I see in the mirror, and I can't imagine a man finding it appealing.  So, my question is, just how big of a turn off is this?  I want a man's opinion who loves women, and who has had more than just a lover or 2 to give me some real advice, and I know I have come to the right place. If your lady had "too much roast beef" would you want her to do something about it?

Many Thanks,
Large Lady Bits

P.S. I apologize if this was covered in a previous post, I have yet to read all of them.

P.P.S. I think you're sexy as hell, just sayin.

Dear Large Lady Bits,

I read your email this morning and to be honest, I fucking laughed. First of all, you have some brass fucking balls to email me a question like this and second, the fear you have should really be no fear at all. What I'm about to tell you, a lot of folks might not agree with but in the end, you're kinda on that winning end of it all. So let's do this shit!

FACT: Vaginas are ugly.

FACT: Penises are ugly.

FACT: Vaginas are way uglier.

FACT: Penises are uglier than vaginas IF they are not circumcised or their cock looks like it swallowed a coat hanger.

FACT: SEX IS AMAZING so it really doesn't matter what the fuck your junk looks like if you lay it down right riding the Pound Town Express.

I banged a broad back in 2003 who probably had more roast beef than your average Subway sandwich. The night I went down on her, and was about to go to town on her Golden Corral, I was amazed at what I saw. Here was a fine ass woman with an amazing body whose vagina looked like it went through one too many gangbangs and possible child births at once. It was like her pussy exploded and someone left that vagina to die alone. There was so much vaginal meat that I didn't know whether to lick it, suck it or chew on it like beef jerky. But being the romantic and horny man that I am, I did what I do best - I ate her pussy like a champ.

By no means was this something that was easy to ignore. I mean, her pussy was overflowing with more pussy. It was like a head within a head, within another fucking head. Incredible shit, right? After she O-FACED, I rose up, she laid me down and did things that would almost make a grown man cry. She fucked and sucked me til I started drooling and sucking my thumb, crying for just a titty to suck on. Bitch came correct. Bulging vagina and all.

What I thought was strange, wasn't so strange after all. Why? Because she has a vagina. I love sex. I also love eating the pootie even if the meat hammock might look like a 100 car pile-up. No heterosexual male I know, would turn down pussy that had extra meat curtains. Now, if your hoo-ha smelled like a decomposed body or had more hair than Don King, shit might be different. But pussy is pussy (unless that shit is describe like what I just said prior) and no man would ever turn down pussy. Especially if that pussy is going to come correct and fuck a man like he wants to be fucked.

The insecurity you have about your meat locker is normal. Sure your box doesn't look like the other normal boxes that women have in their in-between, but who gives a shit. You think guys who have anteaters don't have some sort of insecurity (btw - my shit don't look like an anteater)? I didn't know some dicks come with free coats til my buddy exposed his member in the high school locker room. I was shocked and thought this cat had a dick deformity. But like I said, penises and vaginas aren't pretty. That's why the power of sex overcomes all that shit.

Don't get it twisted, as much as men love vagina and women love the dick, people talk. Ladies talk. Men talk. It's habit. Just know this...if your pussy is as good as you say it is, then no man will say more than what they need to say. If you're money in bed, no man is going to talk about how fucked up your vagina looks. However, if you suck, you're fucked. So I guess what I'm telling you is - DON'T BE BAD IN BED.

Great sex, whether it be oral or physical always overcomes the appearance of the wang and hatchet wound. Well, unless you got some weird shit going on like some goat cheese, warts and other things I wish not to discuss at this moment in time.

If your 18 wheel mud flaps are really fucking with your head, get the procedure. No need for this shit to eat at you 24/7. But if you're all good and fuck a dude right...don't fret. Consider those meat hammocks added value.

Every man loves extra meat...with any meal.

Much love,



Anonymous said...

OMFG!!! LMFAO! This is why I love this blog! TRUTH!

Anonymous said...

I adore this woman.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

No reservations here, innies outies bring it on.

Anonymous said...

I double meat on my subway haha

Anonymous said...

BTW I was banner from commenting on the Ghetto Genius FB page. WTF!? didint expect to get banned for comments by y'all but oh well fuck it. Thug Life! !

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

This is gold. J-wunder keep it up !

Anonymous said...

Hilarious and always truthful! No vagina looks the same as another, same as tits.

Anonymous said...

Just remember that having surgery can have bad results. I've had 4 c-sections and my stomach is still numb where the scar is, youngest is 8. So to have something done down town might make your sex life a living hell after surgery.

Anonymous said...

Can I just say, I think you would be masterful in bed, and between the legs.


Anonymous said...

U just went up a thousand percent on my respect meter and I already fucking loved u...i can bet this lovely lady feels alot better reading this shit. Good job ;)

Anonymous said...

First, Thank you for posting this! I always had that same thought, especially after hearing guys joke with their friends about the roast beef and meat flaps comments. I always wondered do they think it's gross, is a turn off? I never had anyone say anything to me and mine were not bad compared to others I seen but I always wanted it to look different or "normal". I had discussed this with several GYN's and they said it's fine everyone's look different and I have seen larger labia's than yours. I wanted the surgery so bad that I would switch GYN's often just so I could find one that would do it, I convinced my last GYN that I wanted it changed and that it bothered me when having sex. He finally said he would do it and I TOTALLY regret it! He screwed it up, it looks worse than before and I have not had sex with anyone since the surgery (6 yrs ago) because I am embarrassed of what it looks like. It looks like I had an episiotomy and I never had a kid! I went out of town to a special hospital to try to get them to fix it and they wouldn't do it. I haven't even been to another GYN because of my embarrassment from getting the surgery. It has totally ruined my self esteem and it's not like I cannot get anyone into bed with me, I just don't know how to explain it or found some mature enough to understand. I would not recommend that you get the surgery! Don't fix something that is not broken, it's still operative just unique and if your partner is mature enough it shouldn't be an issue.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry, honey! All vaginas are different. I have a good set of large labias, too. Never had any complaints. Look at this website and I promise it'll make you feel better about your vajay.

Anonymous said...

Im not scared of a arbys big Montana.

Anonymous said...

Yo, there is such a thing as a pretty pussy.

Anonymous said...

I have to say it. I Fucking love this blog. Straight up. From a white girl raised by some uptight, cooky-cutter, southern bible-belt, prejudice, hypocritical fuckers who make me crazy because they can't take the truth. Thanks for keeping it real.

Dear Abi said...

so glad a man finally agrees that vaginas are disgusting looking. i wrote a blog on this very topic. maybe my male friends are freaks or either way blind, but they've all seemed to describe vaginas as lovely little flowers as opposed to roast beef meat curtains, which is how i seem them.

Anonymous said...

I co-sign this. I dated a girl for a weekend and she had mentioned she had 'a lot of meat down there' she was right bout that cuz it looked like she had a 1 lb split chicken breast between her legs! but she was sexy AF and she sucked my dick like it was the fountain of youth and dont get me started on the sex. So I ate that big ass split chicken breast like it was some damn boneless buffalo wings with honey-bbq sauce on em! So if ya sex game is right you aint got nothing to worry about!

Anonymous said...

That is unfortunate that your surgery was botched, but hopefully you learned something from this blog as well. All vag is different and men love pussy no matter what it looks like. Sex is an important part of life and you should not let poor surgery results get in the way of that. Your self-esteem and overall well-being will improve once you start having sex again. Don't worry about having to explain it to anyone. The lucky man you let in your bed will be so happy you are letting him near your vagina that he won't ask questions.

Anonymous said...

What about this coat hanger cock you speak of?? I just started seeing someone with this type of penis. Complete shocker!! For me, not him.. He thinks it's normal!! How common do you think this is? Regardless, he is a great guy, ready & willing to please and looooves the pussy :)

Anonymous said...

Gotta say this is now my fave!! I too have very large labia and thought about surgery. Although I never had a man complain, I love sex and I'm sure it shows! I also love to watch porn on occasion and have used porn to learn a new trick or two. Only all the women in the porn I had seen until then, had little pink slits with very little lips…although there was this one amazing woman with a clit so huge it was like the size of a small penis, wait, what? OK, I’m back, anyway when I was younger, I confided in my bf about my insecurities and he told me kind of the same thing JWUTtheF said only without the comparisons to meat and truck gear. He said he loved it because there was more to suck, and yes, he did. That’s all it took for me, after that it has never crossed my mind to “warn” a man (or occasional woman) who is lucky enough to see me in all my splendor. I’m older and more experienced now, trust me if no man has complained then there is nothing to complain about – because men do complain and men will actually walk away from sex, no matter how beautiful the woman if he is turned off. As far as the poor woman who went through with the surgery, I’m so sorry about how awful that turned out. I have a lawyer friend who sued a doc on behalf of a woman whose doc decided since he was doing an episiotomy would also cut off some “extra” labia skin to expose her clit. He not only botched the job, but her religion forbids her from that kind of surgery. I would second the advice above about getting your groove on again, but with an understanding, mature man who will appreciate you and would care less about what your hoo ha looks like.

The comments about a pussy looking beat up, gone through a grinder or however different after having too many lovers or too many children are ridiculous. My lips look the same now than they did before I had sex or children, so it’s genetic, not from “use”.

Anonymous said...

no matter what it looks like I'm sure plenty of people have a fetish for it. as I've gotten older I like seeing something new and also I'm pretty tired of shaved vag where's the fun cumming on that.

Jamie McCartney said...

When I discovered in 2006 that women have just as many insecurities about their labia as men have about their penises I decided to do something about it once and for all. I created a sculpture from plaster casts of 400 women's genitals, called "The Great Wall of Vagina":

I didn't want to be part of a society that encourages women to have bits of themselves CUT OFF that give them pleasure. It's pointless and barbaric. The sculpture shows everybody what normal genital appearance is. I get emails and messages from women daily, saying it has changed their life or they have decided against surgery now, etc. It's working!!

FACT: Many men LOVE large labia!
FACT: Only about 5% of women have tiny labia. 95% of women are NOT defective!!
FACT: It matters more what is between your ears, not your legs!

If a man doesn't appreciate and adore your junk, then ditch him. - DON'T change your parts, change your partner!