Friday, March 8, 2013

Advice Column: All I Wanna Do, Is Have Some Fun!

Hey Mutha Fucka!

I really enjoy your smart ass advice along with your slick shit talking comebacks. Enough of making your head any bigger or I will be able to find your blasian ass from anywhere in the city.

I am coming to San Francisco for 5 days of Fuckory, Eating, Drinking and The Best Possible Time had without going to jail (can't do time if you can't stay long).

I am bringing the rum of my island with me. Cruzan Rum and Mamawanna will be in full effect. Yep, 6 whole bottles of yummy adult deliciousness. But what I want to know is what the fuck do real people do in this city? And no, I am not about to go to that trailer trash nightmare of a strip club you posted about or I will do more than tuck nickels.

Give me a run down on good food, cheap drinks and a lots of laughs, I mean ass. I'd say 48 hours worth of "wait, what" should do it.

Signed, Island Girl who looking for fun in all the wrong places.

P.S. Can you walk out of a bar with your drink or beer? I get arrested a lot for that. Here on the island the cops will hold your drink while you get you license.

Dear Island Girl who looking for fun in all the wrong places,

Three things:

1) Are you sure you want my fucking advice? I mean, really...

2) Fun exists when YOU make it happen, no matter where the fuck you go...even when you don't know where the fuck you are. Try it some time. You might have fun.

3) Just got a memo from the Bay Area Tourism Board: Do we look like tour guides? Fuck you. It's called Yelp. Shit, even Google. Use it.

P.S. No you can't walk out of a bar with your drink. This isn't fucking Vegas, New Orleans or any place outside of CA.

Safe travels,



Anonymous said...

OMFG!!! Hahaha!

Anonymous said...

As always, J-Wunder keeping it real!!!

Anonymous said...

She totally wants to bang you.

Anonymous said...

Aww....I've always loved EVERYTHING u write, but damn, that's kinda harsh, u don't have 2 be her tourguide, but not a big veiny dick either. Wish I knew about sf, I'd help

Anonymous said...

That was quite harsh, but very very entertaining. I was not expecting that. Well done. btw -anoymous - big veiny dick! what a great commnet. hahahaha

Anonymous said...

He writes advice columns people and doesn't care. If you haven't figured it out already, you've come to the wrong page.

Anonymous said...

You are from st. Croix. The land of my people. How the fuck did you get the Mamawanna off the island? Couldnt had been home made shit then.

Anonymous said...

That picture though... made my day.

Anonymous said...

At least you know hes telling the truth about his experiences based off picture know the next morning/day sucked!

Anonymous said...

I have spent most of the evening catching up on my reading of this blog. hubby kept asking why I was laughing, and the 15 year old kept rushing me to get off here and take her to her friends house. Time well spent. I feel like I know enough about GG that he could be my brother or cousin. GG, let me know if you ever come to MS or AL. Dinner and drinks are on me.