Thursday, April 18, 2013

The Sexting Game

It's 2013 and you know what? Technology is by far the craziest shit that we have ever experienced to date. I mean, just two fucking decades ago, I was trying to call my friend on a goddamn rotary phone and had to redial that shit 10 goddamn times. For some of you folks who don't know what a rotary phone is...go to hell. That shit fucking sucked back in the day, because it seriously took 20 minutes just to dial ONE phone number. It would take you another 30 minutes just to call international. Man, have times changed.

As each year goes by, technology gets more and more advanced. I mean, cell phones now can do all kinds of crazy shit...except fly. You want to watch a movie? Done. Play that shit on your phone. Oh, you want to listen to the radio? Pull out your phone because you can hear your favorite station anywhere across the fucking globe. Lost and need some directions? Bitch please...tell your phone what location you're at and you'll be home...just in time for your 6 'o clock daily gangbang. That's where technology is at today, folks. Too goddamn sophisticated for our own fucking good. This is why society can't live without their goddamn phones.

But as technology, specifically cell phones, get slicker, certain people in society don't. Mainly, men. What I'm talking about are dudes that get caught doing some type of shady bullshit, with that awesome thing we love to call the cell phone. You know...that thing we can't live without? The first thing we look at in the morning before brushing our teeth and taking a shit? Yeah, that thing. Now, if I can be honest with all you lovely people, women are guilty of this too. However, females are way fucking smarter than dudes and know how to do shit without getting caught. I'm talking, shooting out naked pics, sexy vids, name it, they can do it without anyone knowing (well, unless that bitch is drunk then she's pretty fucked). Not even fucking God. No joke.

I'm not hating, I'm just being real. There's no denying that there's something about guys that just love doing some foul shit and sending it to chicks then getting caught. Anything from sending a pic of how big our sausage is, to what our goddamn jizz looks like splattered all over a Cabbage Patch Kid's face. Lets not forget, sexting like we are writing a fucking script for the next best selling porn. Don't believe me, just remember these names: Brett Favre, Tiger Woods, Chris Brown (prior to choking Rhianna) and Anthony Weiner (pun intended)...just to name a few. We don't need to know the details of everything they did, all that matters is, they had their phone handy one day, did some guy shit, and mother fuckers got caught. Surprised? You shouldn't be. Here's why:


Don't be so shocked. The truth is, men REALLY don't give a fuck. Well, until their asses are busted (but when in doubt, DENY, DENY, DENY...then run). Hey, can you blame us? I mean, if bitches are rolling with it, why stop? Why stop sexting how bad you want to "tap that ass and eat ice cream off your back" or send pics of your cock wearing a goddamn hard hat? You like seeing a thumb up my ass...your wish is my command. Done. I'll even send a pic of me smelling it afterwards (damn, that ain't right). This is what technology has come to people. Giving us the ability to do shit that we think we can get away with, and in the end, pay a price. Everyone is guilty of this, so no need to shake your head like you have no fucking clue what I'm saying. You know exactly what I'm saying. Assholes.

So how can men (even women) avoid getting caught if they love doing this shit so much?

1) Well for starters, don't go and hit up every goddamn person on your Facebook page (there are actually people with morals and shit).

2) Check who the fuck you're sending this shit to. I ain't a fucking genius but, if you decide to coat your cock up with Hershey's syrup and "accidentally" send your banana split to your buddy's girlfriend, I'm assuming your ass might be found dead in a gutter the next day.

3) Don't believe every mother fucker that tells you, "I won't show ANYBODY". Your ass better make them sign a contract. IN BLOOD. If they won't sign, you better pray to fucking Jesus the gardener, that you have some dirt on them. Blackmail is a fucked up way of life, but sometimes, that's all you got going for you.

4) Play the, "You first" game. What's that? It's exactly what it says people. Sexting can go to new levels. Specifically when it comes down to, "I wanna see your goods." Before you start pounding the Viagra Cockinator, realize what you're about to send could either fuck you, or get you fucked. 60% of the time, you're getting fucked. But that 40% could ruin your fucking life. Especially if you send that shit out and never realized you had herpes. Now that she has that proof, the whole world will know. Congrats asshole for being a fucking idiot. Bitches are ruthless and don't care just like guys. Wanna see a grown man cry...piss a bitch off. If you're gonna send something out X Rated, have the person asking, go first.  If they don't, just say, "fuck it" and send them a pic of your dad's cock. Wait, what?

5) Don't send jack shit. Plain.And.Simple. We all get caught up in the moment. They want your cock really bad? Well, tell them to come and get it. Last time I checked, you can't fuck anyone virtually, so if they want the goods, tell them they'll have to either wait in heaven or hop in a cab and fuck you in a dirty alley. If one of you is in a relationship and all you have to go off of are pics...I suggest you tell whoever, you have a sudden urge for some milk and make a 3 hour trip to the store. Just sayin'.

So if you read this and are confused by what I wrote, just're a goddamn idiot. And I probably made no sense. I guess we're even. Fuck you. You're welcome.


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I love sexting. Funny shit, J! Ha.

Anonymous said...

I was texting with a guy 20 years younger one night and bam...out of nowhere a dick pic. Give a girl some warning man!

Anonymous said...

Lmao I can't stand surprise Dick pix lol better know if u send me a surprise pic of your veiny left hook penis I swear to god above I'm going to show it to every chick, dude, grandma, and walmart employee I can possibly show it to... so dudes DO NOT DO THAT SHIT! unless ur are actively fuckin that bitch and or have already fucked her just don't do this shit

Anonymous said...

Its called SNAP CHAT. It automatically deletes the picture in 10 seconds and will inform you if they try to get a screen shot. You're welcome!

Anonymous said...

On the topic of "Females are way fucking smarter than dudes" I give you

These girls are giving up the goods for anyone with an internet connection AND they know how to work it.

Blur any tattoos ,though sometimes blurring 13 tattoos in THE SAME SPOT AS YOUR HUSBAND KNOWS YOU HAVE can be somewhat identifying ladies, Cover your face, and remove any freckles you may have.

Shit is bananas on that site, its like sexting 2.0 to the masses. One simple image will get that chick like 300 replies in less than 10 minutes. I'm not sure if that's the goal but god damn if it isn't efficient.

Anyways, WTF do I know, I'm 37 and married and DO NOT HAVE A FRECKLE on the tip of my cock.

8) said...

You do realize that you can never "make a milk run" while you are in a relationship... ever again!!! 8)
Just sayin'...