However, there is a major fucking disadvantage to all of these awesome concerts. For many years, there has been either a significant lack of full length mirrors or a significant decline in bitches who keep it real when their friend asks, "Does this outfit make me look like a busted can of biscuits?" Either way, I have spent the last few years not-so-silently suffering from the fashion crimes against humanity that these bitches inflict upon me whence I am out with my crew listening to music, getting crunk-face and watching a 2 day montage of, "What not to Wear: The Bottomed Out Edition."
The fashion fox passes (faux pas, for you Downton Abby bitches) I saw this past weekend were mostly a collection of fat girls in clothes I wouldn't have worn when I was actually a size 2, in addition to girls in shorts so far up their chochas, my vag hurt looking at them.
I really need to know who-in-the-1990's-fashion-hell decided to bring back the mom-jeans and more importantly, the mom-jean-shorts. No really, I bet some sadistic motherfucker at Urban Outfitters decided to have a laugh at the expense of all the dumb twats who will buy anything if it looks like it was actually from Goodwill and possibly was in a Joey Lawrence video. I am a child of the 90's. Floppy hats? I rocked them shits. Z Cavariccis? You bet your fucking coochie-lable-tag I had those. Knee High Socks? More like thigh highs on my borderline midget ass. And most of those things have come back in style, much to my chagrin, but none so much as the goddamn mom jeans. I did my time in high-waisted-mom-jean hell and I am all set now, thanks. And just in case any one dared to question just how much of a 90's Fashion Icon I am, I submit to exhibit A. Suck it, Trebek.
|1990's H-Bomb. Sweet perm, stylin' vest, and some acid wash mom jeans|