Tuesday, June 6, 2017

What The Fuck Were You Thinking When You Got Dressed This Morning: RompHims

"It's fashion, look it up."

- Random Dude

"The ‘Male Romper’ Is Offensive Because Rompers Should Be Gender-Neutral"

- HuffPo

Man, y'all need to STFU. Thankfully, the meow meow of the RompHim has died down, but I have been following this trend and became somewhat obsessed with the memes because of how silly this shit is. And I love silly shit. For reals. This was a few days of pure fucking comedy gold. But seriously, dudes need to leave their girl's rompers on the floors and at the racks of Target, where they belong. 

If you are going to call me a sexist, hater, or what the fuck ever your candy ass wants to call me, go for it. I don't give a fuck. But let me tell you what most non-millennial-bunny-hugging-everyone-gets-a-trophy-did-you-just-assume-my-gender people think about the RompHim.


I am ALL for breaking the glass ceiling and challenging gender norms and stereotypes. Girls want to work in male dominated industries? DO THAT SHIT. Little boys want to play with dolls? Fuck, yes. I will buy you the prettiest Barbie in the goddamn bunch. Do my 30 somethings (and up) remember in the 90's when there was a runway show and some super hot male model was wearing a leather skirt and a mesh top? That shit made me tingle in the bathing suit area. And do I need to say anymore about gender-fluid Ruby Rose? I didn't think so. Take a fucking seat.

But a Male Romper, AKA RompHim? Pass me my bag of nopes because imma need all of them shits today. The RompHim being 10lbs of "fuck no" in a 5lb bag is just that for one very simple reason:

Kibbles and Bits.

I will take, "What are things I do not want to see hanging out of your shorts, for a 1000, Alex."

No, good sir, I do not want to see your saggy ass, turkey gobble, hanging out from your floral RompHim. I just fucking don't. I don't want to see it in your house, I do not want see it with a mouse. I do not want see your sack, I do not want to see your crack. I do not want to see your junk, nor will it make me want to swallow your spunk.

For me, and most of my fellow ladies (and probably lots of men, too, because equality motherfuckers), it is about aesthetics. And TBH, your biscuits and baby-gravy-maker are NOT that good looking. Don't get me wrong. I love the cock. Love it. Love a good looking cock and appreciate all the joy that a fuckstick can bring. But, not all cocks are pretty - some look like someone smashed their man-meat with a meat tenderizer and then used a band-aid of hot coals and broken glass to attend to the wounds. And those would be the first fuckers rocking a RompHim, twigs and berries just flapping in the breeze. Yeah...NO. 

Now, imagine if girls started walking around with their Mud Flaps hanging out, looking like Dumbo's ears when he learns to fly...you wanna see that shit? Cus I don't. And sit down, you pussy pervs who do. I know one of you sick fucks does want to see that, but you are the exception, not the rule. Samesies when it comes to beanbags hanging out of RompHims. Ya dig?

I am glad to see, that much like my virginity in high school, this was a fleeting trend. I hope to God I don't see dudes wearing the equivalent of high-waisted shorts for girls, because just like I want to do when I see that shit, imma hand you some Vagisil for your hot-pocket, because you are one more muggy day away from getting coochie cheese all over your shorty-shorts. 



No comments: