Tuesday, November 27, 2018

So Long. Farewell. Send Nudes.

The time has finally come. Ok, well, it should have came on November 8th of this year. Not gonna lie, it would be a travesty if I didn't have one last post in me to say, "Peace out, motherfuckers."

I know I've been notorious for retiring then coming back 2 weeks later. I think I did that shit 27 times in a span of 3 years. But today, it's officially official. 

For 8 years I only had one goal...to make motherfuckers laugh. Guess what?


Whether it was with my advice columns, my personal stories or some random ass list from the interwebs, what I was set out to do, I did it. And for that, I say THANK YOU to every single person who followed me and became my ride or die.

Few things I learned in my 8 years of fuckery:

1) I was an influencer before that shit ever existed.

2) Blogging was cool years ago...now, everyone wants to be a fucking blogger. BTW, some of y'all are great and some of y'all need to just stop right now because you're fucking terrible. 

3) Mommy bloggers are the most fake personas out there. How do I know? If I could only show you the plethora of emails I have that counter their posts about "how happy they are with their marriage and how much they love their kids." I got you cunts on lock and you ain't fooling me. And no, I would never expose them...I'm a dick, not an asshole. Wait, what?

4) There is only (does that even make any fucking sense?) so many times you can talk about the same fucking topic before it gets boring and fucking retarded. Yes, even my shit got boring and fucking retarded.

5) When you're at your peak of social media, everyone is on your nuts until you leave, something happens or you file restraining orders against Stage 5 Clingers. 

6) My crew is the best fucking crew. Thank you fucks for an amazing 8 years.

7) I've shit my pants one too many times as an adult and told the whole world about it. 

8) How did I survive banging all those women without getting AIDS or an STD?! #teamrawdog

9) How am I not dead from all that goddamn drinking?! I might have a fucking problem. 

10) People who say they aren't crazy, are fucking crazy.

11) Never post your cell number on Instagram when you're drunk as fuck for the world to see. Never got so many nudes from chicks and gay dudes in my fucking LIFE! 

12) Social Media is now the place for people to find validation. Three words to you people: EAT.A.DICK.

13) Humility, if shown, is a humbling fucking experience. 

14) Canadians LOVE their boy, GG. 

15) Chicks with no teeth LOVE their boy, GG.

16) To this day, females are still more honest, more blunt and more gross than dudes. XO

17) The older I get, the sexier I feel.

18) #17 is a total fucking lie. 

19) I wonder what that crazy bitch that went nuts at my NYC book signing is up to these days? 

20) I really can't believe how many times I've shit my pants as a grown ass adult. 

Thanks for laughing at me, my stories and all my posts. If it wasn't for my following, I wouldn't be here or would have lasted so long. But, like that one famous dude once said, "All great things must come to an end."

The end is here. It's today. And it's so goddamn glorious.

Much love and many thanks!

Your boy,

J-Wunder...aka Ghetto Genius

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