Friday, September 27, 2019

Advice Column: Your Friend Is Not The Problem

Dear Ghetto Genius,

Okay so when i was about 12 i noticed my friend was gay..i knew he was gay b4 i even knew what gay was. HE WAS FLAMING! and it has gotten worse over the yrs and i found out why....u see his mother is also his sister....yes motherfucker u read that shit right and his father is also his brother....YES INCEST BRED A CHILD. *shudders* no wonder he is soooo screwed up! he looks like gothika..or samara from the ring... he makes one ugly ass women and an even uglier man...and he claims he is a female..but has kept his male name...i could have physically vomited!! anyway i jus wanna know how the hell do i accept him? it gives me the creeps but we have been friends since we were kids...yikes.

Dear Whoever You Are,

Jesus Fucking Christ. I'm gonna go ahead and leave your 3rd grade education out of this...for now. I'm not sure how you know someone is gay if you don't even know what the fuck gay is. Did you think you invented that shit when you made your little "discovery"? You give yourself a lot of fucking credit. So now you don't even know if you can be friends with this dude? You said it yourself, that this person has been your friend since you were a goddamn kid. You clearly had something in common with him at some point, and HOW he was conceived and by whom, should be of no fucking consequence to you. I don't see the connection between his gayness getting "worse" over the years "because of" who his parents are. Are you really telling me that you think he's MORE gay because Uncle Daddy fucked Auntie Mommy or whatever? REALLY? Get the fucking fuck outta here!!!

If you're any kind of friend, or have a decent bone in your body, you will realize that this guy, because of who/how he is, probably doesn't have a lot of friends, and the prognosis for more, better friendships is pretty fucking bleak so maybe you should stick around and be part of his support system. Makes you a real hero, doesn't it? Fuck no, it doesn't. It makes you a REAL FRIEND, motherfucker. I think you're missing some very important points in dismissing your friend because he is "flaming". Gay bros make some good ass friends, especially for chicks...and I'm a dude telling you that shit. You can do all the stuff you do with girlfriends, and then some. You can learn how to make your gag reflex a thing of the distant fucking past (best thing a gay ever taught some of my homegirls, by the way). You can go out to dinner and dancing with a guy who treats you nicely and knows how to dress without having to worry about the awkward, end of the night, "I like you, but don't really want to fuck you" scenario. The answer you're asking for boils down to whether you possess basic human fucking decency. Do you, twatsicle?

You know what a normal, non-fucking-judgmental, equality loving person would do? BE.HIS.FUCKING.FRIEND.YOU.FUCK. Show up for him at his drag shows, help him tape his cock to his leg or wherever they want to bend it, cheer him on when he does his Cher impersonation, hold his wig and jewelry when he gets to throwing hands with the other fucking know, the shit that FRIENDS do. Unless you can't. If you're so disgusted by this person who has been your friend for half of your fucking life (or more), then bounce. Just get the fuck out and go find some "better" friends. If, as you said, he makes you want to "physically vomit" (though I'm not sure of any other way to vomit), then get to fuckin' steppin' and don't ever look back, Seabitchcuit. He deserves some dignity and respect from his long-time friend who can't see her way around to loving him for who he is, so don't try to let him down easy to ease your own sorry excuse for a conscience. Tell him that you can't be his friend because his gayness makes you want to vomit. Yeah...your little "dilemma" is one you created for yourself by being an uptight, narrow-minded fucktard.

So, I says to myself:  "Self, what's this bitch's REAL problem?"

It would seem that YOU and your perceptions are the problem, not your friend, who has known who and what he was since the (first) day Cousin Doctor slapped him on the ass. It seems like he would be better off without a "friend" like you, who knows only how to fucking judge him for smoking pole instead of munching box. Did your daddy not fucking hug you enough or what?

You Got Problems,


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