Nut Crackin' with Ball Buster

1) What's up with chicks nowadays taking every pic with a hand on their hip?

Don’t you know, you sack of shit? It’s supposed to make you look skinny. Doesn’t fucking work. I mean, what would bitches look like if they wore black, with vertical stripes and kept their hand on their goddamn hips all day? An anorexic model? Fuck that.


2) What are your thoughts on chicks that drink malt liquor?

I’m not a big fan of malt liquor, but then again, I make more than $7 an hour and have a bit of fucking class, believe it or not. But if that’s all you can afford, I can respect that. Actually, no I don't. That shit is fucking gross...well, unless you add OJ or Kool-Aid to it. What the fuck am I saying? If you can't find 3 extra dollars to upgrade from Steel Reserve to a goddamn Bud Light, go suck cock for it. Do yourself that favor. You'll feel better in the morning.


3) Why are some women afraid of giving blow jobs?

99% of the time it is one of three reasons:

a) they’re afraid they’ll do a bad job and won’t make the guy cum

b) they’re afraid they’ll choke on cum

c) they just pretend to be afraid and are actually just selfish cunts who want all the pleasure and to do none of the work (sorry ladies!)

Me personally? I love to give head. Talk about being in complete control of the process. And if he tries to pull out and cum in my eye – I’m in perfect position to do some damage. I'll bite a mother fucker in his balls and bend his cock like Gumby, trust me. You want a bj? Then no funny business asshole. It's that simple.


4) If you could have one power, what would it be and why?

Telepathy. Do you know how much money & power you could have in this world if you could read people’s fucking minds? Not to mention, I bet you could fuck the hottest person in every room. Nothing wrong with being deceitful. I'm a deceitful bitch already but, whatever.


5) Bacon or cock for breakfast?

100% cock. I’m not sure if there is anything better than waking up to cock. Seriously. Not to mention, Bacon? Really? I’m fucking Jewish. But I bet a bacon wrapped cock for breakfast would taste so fucking gooooood!


6) What annoys you the most?

This question. NEXT.


7) A Hot Carl or an Angry Dragon?

Absolutely, without a doubt, the Angry Dragon. Like I said, the taste of cum doesn’t bother me (whatever, call me what you want). Just make sure you wash your cock before you even try to ask to put that shit in my mouth. Realize I'm drowning in your man juice already. I'm considerate, what can I say.

But what I like more than the Angry Dragon, the Angry Penguin. Look it up. Who's the freak now fucker?


8) Baptism or Born again Virgin?

Christians can fuck all they want, so Baptism. I’d rather risk the holy water giving me second degree burns than not getting laid. That shit is just plain fucking stupid. Virgin? Really, J? Fucking idiot. You're talking to me, not some bitch with no neck and a vagina that looks like it was eaten by a pack of wolves for fuck's sake. I like sex, I'm not some gal that's trying to be all wholesome for crying out loud. Drinking and fucking...two of my favorite recreational hobbies. 

9) What would you rather do...be a virgin for life or have sex with a bum?

You had to go there, huh? Well, my ex-boyfriend was sort of a bum, lived at home, jobless, etc., so I’d have to say fuck a bum (quad-bagged). And again, never fucking, EVER! No-fucking-thanks.


10) I was told to go fuck myself if I were to ask another question...so for #10...I'll be fucking myself while Ball Buster is banging some piece of shit from her local bar and probably drinking some expensive beer from Tan-fucking-zania. Thanks bitch.

Where's my Sidekick?

Folks, I have a confession to make. I miss the abuse. The abuse by the only bitch that knows how to talk so much shit, that I actually look like I have a vagina when I spread my legs wide open.

Ball Buster, where are you, bitch? Am I too good for you now? Did you fall for another blogger, all of the sudden? Have I been a little over the top lately with my columns? Wait, wait...lemme guess? Are you mad at the fact that the world knows your true identity now?

Head like Beetle Juice, hands like Shaq.

Where's the column that talks about how I drink like a pussy and pass out on BART for 3 hours and wake up to cops asking me, "Where do you live, sir?" I need that. My readers, need that. More importantly, I know you want that. What do I need to do to get more abuse?

Do I need to call you a cunt 50 times? I'll fucking do it right now.

CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT, CUNT.

Do you want me to send you an awkward pic? Here you fucking go bitch:

Everything about this picture is fucking wrong.

Hold up...I know...you want me to beg? I fucking will goddamnit...because I don't want to lose you. Just ask Jan Terri:




I'll go to great fucking lengths to have you talk shit again. Stupid twat. So what do ya say? Write some shit so the world knows you're really alive and you don't want me dead. Asshole.

If She Never Writes Again, I'll Understand

It happened folks. I got called out. By none other than the bitch herself, "Ball Buster". I want the world to know, that it was never my intention, I just forgot. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'll tell you. Last week, I posted a column, "Fan Mail" - http://thejwunderfullife.blogspot.com/2011/03/fan-mail.html

Basically, a fan who is an avid follower of the blog, asked if I wrote all this shit on my own. Me being the selfish asshole that I am said, "If there is one thing that is 100% FACT, it's that, this blog is the real me talking..." Anyway, Ball Buster read this and well, posted a little something of her own in the comments section of the column. It read:

J,

Are you fucking kidding me? Michelle asks you if you write all this shit by yourself... and you answer "yes." Really mother fucker? Really?

This is the thanks and appreciation I get for writing columns for the last 4 months?

I mean, 90% of shit comes from you, yes. And you really are a silly fuck, J. But come on.. tell the girls the truth.

Sincerely,
The one who calls out J-Wunder
(aka Ball Buster)

Make no mistake about it. 90% of the shit I write, is all me. However, 10% of the funny ass shit does come from that "other half". This being "Ball Buster". You're all probably asking, "Well, what about THE Mexican? She writes shit too, doesn't she?" Not so fast people. Let her earn her goddamn stripes before we start claiming shit. It's bad enough I got called the fuck out by someone I consider funnier than me at times. If we want to start pointing fingers, you can start by pointing them right up your fucking ass while removing them and giving yourselves a "Dirty Sanchez". We good?

Anyway, I wanted to let the world know that I fucked up and I was wrong. This blog isn't all me. I mean, 10% of it isn't. But without that 10% contribution, The J-Wunderful Life wouldn't be where it's at today. So Ball Buster, I hope you accept my apology, even though you were a big enough cunt to call me out in front of my readers. I can't knock you for that. All I can do is embrace you with open arms and a round of shots. In the future, I'll make sure I give credit where credit is due. In this case, your 10% contribution to the blog that never really had shit going for it in the first place.

Thanks for calling me out. Thanks for being a fucking bitch as well. It's people like you that I can appreciate every fucking day for the simple fact that life never gets boring with you around. I think I've called you a cunt more than I have called Sammi from the Jersey Shore one, but when I call you cunt, it's more with a happy tone. A tone that says, "You're such a bitch but I fucking like your style. Cunt." So again, thank you for being part of this shitty blog and providing hilarious columns that make our readers day!

Oh, and if you never write again, I'll understand. Cunt.