Cocaine, Bitch!!!!

Charlie Sheen: The Lost Interview

Charlie Sheen is Bi-Winning Bitches!

Lesson's to be Learned...

So what have we learned about Charlie Sheen in the past 48-72 hours...

He's a W-I-N-N-E-R

He's so rich, he'll pay for SEX

Vatican Assassin Warlords will befriend you, then kill you

He's tougher than a goddamn Transformer

People who know him, want to be him

Charlie Sheen - Half Man, Half Amazing

So here we are. Another day. Another Charlie Sheen interview...in less than 48 hours to be exact. Some think I'm fucking crazy to think that this guy is amazingly AWESOME. But here's the reality...he just is. Not because I say he is, but because America seems to agree with me. How do I know? Well considering he just started a goddamn Twitter account on the 1st of this month and has racked up more followers than Lakers Legend, Magic Johnson, before posting a single tweet...yeah, I would say the fucking guy is pretty goddamn popular. So popular, that in less than 24 hours, he has already accumulated 791,719 followers and 11 tweets total. Now you tell me, what's not to love? You're fucking welcome.

Look guys, is Charlie Sheen a fucking coke head? No doubt. Does he live on the edge of fucking life? What the fuck do you think...the mother fucker drank, fucked and snorted mountains of blow for 48 straight hours. Has it fucked with his brain? Are Warlock's fucking real jack ass? Next question. Has he ruined his career? In all honesty...NO FUCKING WAY. If anything, the man who's birth name is Carlos Estevez, is rising to the T-O-P.

Here's a taste as to WHY:

"Last time I took drugs, I probably took more than anybody could survive...I was banging 7 gram rocks and finishing them because that's how I roll...I have one speed, I have one gear - GO!"

"I'm proud of what I created. It was radical...I exposed people to magic. I exposed them to something they're never going to see in their boring, normal lives."

"I mean, what's not to love? Especially when you see how I party, man...it was EPIC. The run I was on, made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them...just look like droopy-eyed, armless children."

"IT'S.ON."

These were the exact words from the man who was born "dead" and declared himself a "floppy baby" at birth. At age 11, he was smoking Mary Jane and probably finger banging her too. At age 15, he stole his pops fucking credit card to buy a hooker so he could pop his cherry. If you wanna know how it all started, read this paragraph again people. I don't need to remind everyone of the Charlie Sheen wrap sheet. Plain and simple, this mother fucker can party and has no shame admitting it. It's in his blood. And if that wasn't enough, the dude loves bitches and he loves fucking. Let me rephrase that, he loves porn stars and the shit he can do TO them, and WITH them. Any questions?

Put his 3 divorces and more importantly, his 5 kids aside for a second...

Realize that Charlie Sheen is such a bad fucking dude, that he single handedly will be responsible for CBS and Warner Bros. losing 1/4 of a BILLION DOLLARS for the cancellation of his hit show "Two and A Half Men" (or as I like to call it, "Two and a Half, Who Watches This Shit"). Does anyone know what the fuck $250,000,000 looks like? Anyone? One man. One star. One show. Buh-bye. That's how cold-blooded he is. Sure the creator was offended by Mr. Sheen's tirades on radio and television interviews...but who gives a shit? The guy was so high on his Warlock fucking powder that everyone was getting paid. Do you think for one fucking second that America was wondering if "Charlie Sheen was high" at any point this fucking season? Shit no, man. All they wanted to do was get their laugh on at 8pm, then fuck their spouse before the clock strikes 10. No need to tell me some shit I'm not trying to hear, because the fact of the matter is, if everyone would have not made his 48 hour "Too Charlie for the Party" Binge Fest a big goddamn deal, guess what? All you mother fuckers that watch CBS would be laughing every Tuesday night, enjoying the Magical Warlock and that woman of a man, John Cryer, do work.

This much attention and publicity has done only one thing for Charlie Sheen...and that's make him rise to the very fucking top. Do you know, if CBS and Warner Bros. said, "Fuck it, lets bring him back and shoot the final 4 episodes," what that would do? Two things: 1) Get 300 million MORE viewers. 2) Get EVERYONE on the set paid twice as much. Yeah, you might think I'm so full of shit, but why on every tv channel, radio station, Facebook and MySpace (yes, Myspace assholes) News Feed, and Twitter update, are there updates/news on Charlie Sheen? Good or bad, he's the new drug. That's how bad this fucking dude is. The world has basically said, "Fuck what's going on in Egypt. Fuck that I have to pay $10/gallon for gas. I want me some more mother fucking Charlie Sheen. He's funny, crazy and totally awesome." Sad? To some. Awesome to others. And to those that are sick of hearing about it, the solution is simple...stop fucking reading about it. Your bitchfest tirades about how you hate Charlie Sheen, doesn't stop the news from coming in ass clown. 

This master Warlock has done something no other celebrity has accomplished. That is...being loved for being Charlie Sheen. For being a goddamn drug addict. Alcoholic. Porn Star fucker. What celeb do you know has sat down in numerous interviews in a 48 hour span, and basically told the world, "It's on. I'm a rockstar. Now lets go party. Oh, and if you don't like it, go fuck yourself"? NOBODY. No one would dare say the crazy fucking shit he's been blurbing out the past two damn days. That's a P.R. nightmare, for fuck's sake. With that being said, check this out for a second...

Remember when Brit-Brit (Britney Spears for you fuckers out of the loop), pulled that crazy shit? You know, shaved her goddamn head like G.I. Jane, locked herself in a room, beat a car up with an umbrella and went a little koo-koo? Yeah, that time. You know what America did? They rode her off. They said, "This bitch is fucking crazy and needs help. I'll never buy another album from her again. Nor will I watch the only 3 episodes from her reality show "Chaotic" on UPN." One "major incident" ruined this fucking girls life. And do you know what she had to do to get America back on her side? She did interview after interview, talking about shit that you and I both know was scripted by her publicist, just so she didn't fuck things up. It was her job to right the wrong. Look like she finally has her shit together. It took her years before America embraced her with open arms again, people. Charlie Sheen however, did just the fucking opposite.

He kept partying. He kept boozing. He kept on fucking. But he was honest. Flat out honest with no fucking filter holding him back. No publicist to coach him through shit. Matter of fact, his publicist actually quit the morning of his 20/20 interview. Surprised? You shouldn't be. Realize that America isn't fucking stupid. We all know the guy is fucked up on some shit. But fucked up or not, he let the world know that he doesn't give two shits what anyone thinks. He answered every question that came his way. Was he answering, truthfully? If you think Warlocks exist and "Bi-Winning" is a disorder, then shit...sure. Charlie Sheen is Charlie Sheen. A celebrity that started his career as a rockstar and is determined to end it like one...whether you agree with him or not.

Call him a douche, asshole, idiot...whatever. Just know the show he starred in, will never be the same if he doesn't come back. Hell, the show may never come back. PERIOD. Not many celebs run shit on a sitcom like he does (maybe Dave Chappelle but look what happened to that shit. FAIL. Miss you Dave.) Sure you can replace him, but how does someone try to act like the guy who was acting like himself? Think about that. Charlie Sheen is AWESOME. In more ways than one. I've never seen so many people love a guy that has done "so wrong". To be honest, I have no clue how that's fucking possible and accepted by society. The mother fucker is doing something right, obviously. I ain't gonna lie, I like the dude. But don't judge me for it.  

Carlos "Charlie Sheen" Estevez and The Silver Valley Lodge. Where mother fuckers keep it real. And yeah, people are normal. Ok, not really, but for fuck's sake, lets just say they are. Love him or hate him, he's one guy no one will ever forget. Here's to WINNING, AWESOMENESS, and MAGICAL POWERS.

Tune in Tuesday Night: "Charlie Sheen: In His Own Words"

"I have one speed...it's called - GO!"

"I am on a drug...it's called, Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it once, you will die...your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. Um, too much?"

Words from the man himself, Charlie Sheen, in his first on-air, television interview with ABC, which plans to air this Tuesday, at 10pm EST. When I saw this preview while watching the boring ass Academy Awards, I said one thing...AWESOME!

The man who we all know and love as Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn, is about to let the world know, that he's no fucking joke and shit's about to get fucking REAL folks. I don't think I've ever been more excited in my life. I mean, here is a guy that took a night of partying way too fucking far for America to accept and will more than likely, boost his coolness ratings up by at least 20% more. Who the fuck has the ability to do that? Brett Michaels? Fuck no. You know why? Because Brett Michaels is a fucking twat and should get his ass kicked for being a washed up rockstar. Hey Brett, the 80's called, they want their hair back ass clown.

The only person in America that could get away with that is Charlie mother fucking Sheen. Matter of fact, since he went on that 48 hour "Too Charlie For the Party" binge fest, the dudes popularity grew an astounding 60% or some crazy bullshit like that. What the fuck?! Yeah, what the fuck is exactly right, people. Only awesome people like that could pull off those miraculous fucking statistics.

Oh, and if it didn't get any better...apparently, Mr. Sheen, is 100% off the dope, but after looking at this mother fucker on tv last night (and a quick clip this morning), I would say that the drugs are telling him to tell America he stopped doing blow. See, to some of you, that might not make any fucking sense. But to drug addicts, that shit makes perfect sense. Let me shoot you some quotes on why Charlie Sheen is the MAN. Call him whatever you want, but after listening to these quotes from his interview on the Today Show this morning, you'll understand why he's so fucking awesome...and well, fucking crazy.

"I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special...Like I'm not a bitchin' rockstar from Mars!"

"I have tigers blood and adonis DNA." (I have no fucking clue how much blow and vodka this mother fucker consumed before he said this. I don't even know what this shit means. All I know is that it's fucking AWESOME!)

"Defeat is not an option. CBS picked a fight with a Warlock."

"Come Wednesday morning, they're going to rename it Charlie Bros., and not Warner Bros."

On if he suffers from bi-polar disorder:

"What does that mean?...I'm bi-winning."

On how he can do so many drugs:

"Because I'm ME!"

On how he doesn't O.D.:

"No, that's for amateurs. Come on."

On drugs he won't try:

"Cause, I mean, that's how people go down. It's like, hey, dude, you should have read the directions before you showed up to the party."

Charlie Sheen. The ADDICT. The MAN. The ROCKSTAR.

Who really gives a shit what people think. It's all about winning, right Chuck? Duh. Winning.

Tune in tomorrow night on ABC to see his awesome and crazy interview. If it was anything like the one on the Today Show this morning, man...mother fuckers better be ready.

Charlie Sheen...the Cage Fighter??

 
We all know Charlie Sheen is fucking AWESOME! So awesome that his show "Two and a Half Men" is officially canceled for the rest of the season due to some strong words from Mr. Sheen, to the show's creator, Chuck Lorre. No need to go into details. Lets just say this crazy mother fucker challenged Chuck Lorre to a fight in the Octagon. Game.Over.

When the news broke that the show was officially canceled due to Charlie's rant, he wrote this lovely little note, and sent it off to TMZ...

via tmz.com 

The letter reads:

"What does this say about Haim Levine [Chuck Lorre] after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me. I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows ... I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can't handle my power and can't handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.

Remember these are my people...not yours...we will continue on together...

Charlie Sheen"

This is a bad mother fucker, right? I mean, how much fucking blow did this guy snort before writing this shit and sending over to TMZ? What gets me is how Charlie Sheen basically told the world that he's down to break shit off UFC style in the Octagon. Call me crazy, but does anyone fucking think that this crazy mother fucker could fight? Sure he does a shit load of drugs and bangs hot ass bitches, but damn Charlie, you're talking like you can whoop some ass like Chuck Liddell. Actually, on second thought, I think you can fight..but on drugs.  Never count out a goddamn drug addict.

See people, Charlie Sheen is like one of those mother fuckers that looks like if he got hit, stabbed or shot...his crazy ass would get up and keep on charging forward. Like Michael Myers from that movie "Halloween". But on drugs.  And after seeing what this Chuck Lorre dude looks like, I'm almost positive Charlie could whoop this dudes ass. Then celebrate by snorting enormous amounts of coke off of the Octagon floor while pulling out his wang and asking the ring side girl to take a picture with him. Sounds pretty outlandish but it ain't too fucking far from the truth. That's how this dude rolls. And this is why he's fucking awesome! 

I think anytime you read some shit that contain phrases like, "wind up in my octagon...defeated this earthworm with my words...fire breathing fists..." you need to realize something ain't right with an individual. I mean, who the fuck writes some shit like that, that you could actually take seriously without laughing? Charlie Sheen, that's who.

This is just one of the many things he brings to the table. First it was fucking Denise Richards. Then it was jumping back on the cocaine bandwagon. Then the porn stars. Then the vodka. Then the parties. Then the 48 hour "Too Charlie For the Party" cocaine/sex/booze fest. Now the cage fighting.

This is the latest on Charlie Sheen folks...the next best thing to a Hostess Twinkie.

The J-Wuntourage

We all have them....an entourage.  A group of friends that you laugh with, party with, get in trouble with.  An entourage is your clique.  Your brotherhood.  A group of friends that promise to "ride together, and die together," through thick and thin.  Call the shit a cult if you want.  I thought about my entourage last night over a few glasses of wine and got to thinking...what if my ass was famous and got to hand pick 5 people to be in my click?  It was a pretty good question to ask myself, especially after the 3rd glass of wine.  So after collecting my drunken thoughts and ideas, here are the five I came up with.  I kept this shit as real as possible.  Enjoy.   



#5 - Ron Artest:
"First off, I wanna thank everybody in my hood...my wife, my kids, my family, everything...definitely wanna thank my doctor, my psychiatrist, she really helped me relax a lot...I knocked down that three just like you told me...and my single coming out, I got a single called Champion, I did a song called Champion last June! And the single is coming out!"

Question?  How do you spell crazy?

R-O-N A-R-T-E-S-T

Every entourage has one crazy mother fucker, and Ron-Ron is just my guy.

Any human being that thanks their psychiatrist after winning an NBA Championship, let alone promotes his shitty new single on national fucking television, is always a winner in my book.  Lets not forget, crazy ass Ron-Ron is probably the only player in NBA history, to stir up the biggest brawl during an NBA game, drink Hennessy at his locker during games at halftime, and walk out in his fucking boxers as a guest on Jimmy Kimmel Live.  Hey Ron, lets drink and see where the fucking night takes us buddy.  Ain't no party like a Ron Artest party.  Damn straight son!  How many fucking kids do you got again?!?



#4 - David Hasselhoff:
This should sum up his AWESOMENESS!!! How the fuck would you not want this guy in your posse?


"The Hoff" is probably the only dude I know that is considered a fucking douche in the States but a God in Europe. How that's possible, beats the shit out of me. I personally like the guy because he fucking drinks and gets down on late night fucking munchies. He seems to be one of those dudes that would totally jump on a grenade for you too.  And when I say grenade, I don't mean the shit that blows mother fuckers up. I'm talking about the grenade that you risk getting a blow job from so your buddy can get laid.



#3 - Lindsay Lohan:
Child star. Singer. Socialite. Drunk. Druggie. Slut. Bi-Sexual. Lesbo. Thief. Liar. Jailbird.  All words that basically summarize the only woman that could make the J-Wunder entourage.  Hate all you want folks, but the bottom line is, this bitch brings the thunder.  Hell, ask her mom, her agent...shit, ask the fucking Disney Channel how bad of a bitch she was.  I'm sure they have nothing nice to say other than she had a great rack and a freshly waxed vagina.

With a wrap sheet, not limited to: 2-3 DUI's, some jail time, and rehab...nothing, I mean nothing stopped this bitch from being who she is. Plain and simple, she's down to do some shit that even The Pope can't get her out of. With the track record she's fucking got, I'm surprised she hasn't been caught with a sex tape yet. This is one bad bitch and gets the official J-Wunder "approval" sticker. Welcome to the club slut.  Now lets line up some fucking shots.



#2 - Vince Vaughn:
I'm in no way fucking gay when I say this but, when the movie "Swingers" came out, I was in love with Vince Vaughn.  Why, you ask?  Because this fucking dude is a pimp on-screen and in real goddamn life.  Did you not watch Old School?  Did you not watch Wedding Crashers?  Hey, Vince Vaughn doesn't know what the fuck "make-believe" is.  This mother fucker lives it.  Lucky son of a bitch has probably banged a chick in every fucking state including Canada, Puerto Rico and Guam.  Hey Vince, whatever you want to do, lets make that fucking shit happen bro...you bad ass mother fucker.  All I'm saying, a pack of smokes, some booze, some bitches and some ecstasy...we can have ourselves a goddamn party.  Don't get shit twisted...I'm just in it for the booze and maybe a little peep show on some titties, but that's it.  My man Vince can handle everything else.

Words from the man that played the character Beanie in "Old School":
"Six weeks ago Abdul here had a one way ticket to an arranged marriage with a broad he never met in Bangladesh. Now he's crushing ass every Thursday night at our mixers."

Like I said, that shit ain't acting.  V.V. is the real fucking deal.



#1 - Charlie Sheen:
If you haven't guessed my #1, then stop reading my blog people.  Charlie "Wild Thing" Sheen is the baddest mother fucker living right now.  Three words: Coke, Booze, Sluts.  Dude went 48 straight hours without an ounce of shut-eye...dropped mad cash on trying to form a "porn family," got fucking drunk, got fucking high, then mysteriously ended up in the hospital with some "hernia" bullshit.  Hey man, I don't know any mother fucker that has gone on a 2-day fucking binge of drinking, snorting blow and fucking porn stars and ended up with just a "hernia injury".  How the fuck do you get a "hernia injury" anyway?  Is that when you shit so bad you rip your insides?

All I'm saying is how does a crazy ass dude like Chuck Sheen go on this goddamn crazy bender and just get a fucking hernia injury?  Isn't there worst shit that should have happened besides a cramp in his fucking stomach?  The mother fucker just snorted a briefcase full of blow, drank gallons of Vodka and fucked a bunch of bitches that were probably loaded with a large intestine full of semen. For fuck's sake, that is just the most amazing thing I have ever heard of.   

Damn Charlie...consider your ass invincible because 99% of fucking people would die after pulling some shit like that, just after 12 hours.  And to all of you out there, I'm not trying to defend this crazy son of a bitch, all I'm doing is stating the facts.  Charlie Sheen is a bad mother fucker that needs to be congratulated on surviving some shit that lifetime addicts don't even survive.  I mean, this mother fucker will not die for some goddamn reason.  He's like a real life Terminator...but stays alive by doing blow, drinking and fucking a lot.  Could you even imagine how fucked up this dude was on day #2 of his 48 hour binge?  It was even reported that porn stars were tapping the fuck out because they couldn't take anymore of the crazy shit that was going on at this dude's house.  C.S. must have been doing some really weird shit if porn stars were actually throwing up the deuces. 

Whatever the case, this guy undoubtedly wraps up the Top 5 roster of The J-Wuntourage of the future.  Call me crazy, but who knows what could happen down the road...

If my ass ever hits the lottery, shit could get really REAL.  I'm just sayin'...

Charlie Sheen Wants to Know...

What's the big fucking deal people?!?!?!

"What the fuck is with...Charlie Sheen??"

Charlie Sheen's in rehab. AGAIN. But this time, the man I still call "Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn," went out with a goddamn BANG. Man, did he fucking go out with a BANG.

It was reported, "after a two-day bender featuring vodka, a "briefcase full of cocaine" and more porn stars than one would find on a Ron Jeremy Welcome Wagon Committee, Sheen was enrolled in an undisclosed rehabilitation program and CBS shut down production on his hit sitcom, "Two and a Half Men."

First, I've seen enough movies in my time that anyone carrying a briefcase and not wearing a suit, is fucking up to something. Now enter Sheen, who is wearing a Hawaiian shirt, piss-drunk, surrounded by 6 hookers with briefcase in hand. Did he seriously think the briefcase wasn't going to stick out like a sore fucking thumb?  Imagine being the one person that sees this shit going down?  Charlie fucking Sheen wasted out of his goddamn mind looking like Jimmy Buffet on a summer day in Cabo San Lucas.  Walking around fucking clueless, as he's escorted by gorgeous women who have had more semen shot inside their large intestine than a landfill holds trash. Don't forget the briefcase that he's holding on to with his fucking wrist handcuffed to the handle.  As if he's carrying around a few million in cash.  Well, I guess carrying around a briefcase full of Colombia's finest is probably like carrying cash, right?

Be in the shoes of Charlie Sheen for a minute.  Would you do what he did?  Seriously.  I mean, the guy is divorced, and makes so much fucking bank playing a womanizer on some bullshit tv show with that guy from "Pretty in Pink" and some kid that looks like he'll never know what a vagina is, ever.  If I had to work with those two fucks every damn day, I would probably want to snort endless amounts of blow, become a fucking alcoholic and binge fuck whores too.  In his defense, I think he was stressed.  But fuck man, did you have to go crazy for two fucking straight days?  One day wasn't enough?

So what's next for "Wild Thing"?  Well, prior to Sheen entering rehab, he was rushed to the hospital for an apparent "hernia condition." Hernia condition? The mother fucker spent two straight fucking days drinking vodka, snorting mountains of blow and fucking porn stars. The best excuse his agent could report was that he got a fucking "hernia condition"? This, as opposed to the overall lingering effects of spending several days furiously downing anything with a viscosity lighter than Jell-O? For fuck's sake man, America isn't stupid.

You really couldn't find something more scripted for a movie. And in all honesty, I think this is pretty fucking AWESOME! I have met some people with fucked up problems in my lifetime. But I don't know anyone that has done what Charlie Sheen has done. EVER. Who the hell goes on a two-day bender of drinking endless amounts of vodka and snorts fists full of cocaine...while banging hot, horny, loose pussy bitches? Charlie Sheen, that's fucking who.  Give the guy credit, porn stars were reportedly tapping the fuck out because they couldn't hang with the star from the hit movie, "Hot Shots".  But we all know if it was all about a fucking marathon, they would dominate.  However, drinking, drugs and fucking...Charlie fucking Sheen runs the shit.  I really don't know whether to praise the guy or hope he goes into cardiac arrest. It's kind of a toss up.

All I'm sayin' is that you know shit has hit rock bottom for my man I also like to call "James Russell," when Lindsay Lohan tells TMZ that she's "worried" for him. That's right...Lindsay fucking Lohan. Bitch, aren't you one to talk? All fucked up off booze, coke and diet pills. Worried? Your ass needs to be worried that you don't end up in jail again with those butch ass women who are looking to welcome you to Dykeville. Hope you're ready to munch on some hairy box, sweet tits.  You just need to stop Lindsay, with your drug using ass. 

I guess the saying must be true, Cocaine is one hell of a drug.