(847): So i told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration"
(864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
(604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hanger.
in response:
(303): just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick
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