Facebook: Breeding a New Civilization

Facebook: (ˈfeɪsˌbʊk)
— n
1.	a popular social networking web

Facebook, the greatest thing since sliced bread, right? What's not to love?? Facebook allows us to search for childhood friends, high school classmates, an old crush, or even your hot neighbor. Researchers say (ok, I say) that Facebook has become the modern high school reunion. Now, instead of only getting the chance to see an old pal every five or ten years to catch up on life, you can do it every second of the day.

But do we really know the lasting (possibly detrimental) affects of the wonderful time-wasting tool that some lovingly refer to as "the book"?

Now some of you may be asking yourselves right now...detrimental? Facebook? It's an innocent website that I use to stay in touch with people, how can that cause any lasting affects? Well kids, let me explain....

The more prevalent social networking becomes, the more the line between your real life and digital life blurs. You're on Facebook at least, what, 20-30 times a day (don't fucking lie to yourself)...first thing before you wake up in the morning, on your commute to and from work, even a few dozen times while you're working, and while on the shitter (it's ok, we all do it). You're now friends with your 2nd grade teacher, all of your co-workers and the handful of random college hookups -- at least those where you caught their name (and we all know that was by the stroke of luck).

And lastly, we bring in the ex's. We're all friends with our ex's, it's our way of saying "I'm over you, but I can still check in on you from time to time." Nothing wrong with browsing their vacation pictures, and of course making sure they're not dating anyone hotter than you, right? WRONG. This is the beginning of the goddamn end.

We all do a bit of "creeping" on Facebook, but sometimes it can get out of hand. For all of you wondering what the definition of "creeping" is: it's when you're on someone's Facebook page, then someone walks up behind you and you close your browser window frantically. THAT, my friend, is creeping. When you're a bit ashamed or embarrassed and the person that sees this, notices right away, you might be doing something a little suspect.

Thanks to Facebook, people now feel okay and even justified in stalking people.

Next, let me introduce one more social networking tool: FourSquare. Or Gowalla, Facebook Places, etc. You pick your poison. So now, not only do you know WHAT your Facebook friends are doing, but WHERE they are doing it.

Uh oh, this is starting to get disastrous.

Have you ever seen a friend of yours "check-in" to a location and you think to yourself, WHAT THE FUCK?...why wasn't I fucking invited? Who are they with? Fuck it, maybe I should just show up and pretend like I didn't know they were there. This is the kind of crazy behavior I am talking about. Don't even try to fucking deny it either, because a vast majority of people are absolutely guilty of this.

And now, the "creeping" begins both online and offline. This is when you start stalking in your real life. Where you once got a thrill by going through your News Feed and seeing what people are doing...is now not enough. AT.ALL. Why you ask? Simple.

- You want more.

- You crave more.

- You want to know what your friends are doing even when they aren't updating their status' or checking-into locations.

- You become obsessed.

- It's been 4 hours since an update or check-in, what could they be doing?

- Why are they not "liking" anything you post?

- How come they aren't commenting on your "inside joke" that you posted to their status that really makes no fucking sense to what's being statusized (that's a new word)?

You are now THAT mother fucker. The scary one. The creep dog. THE STALKER. 

And here it is folks, there's no hope for you. Full-blown neurosis.

Facebook, thanks for breeding a civilization of sick voyeuristic fucks.

You're Welcome for the insights,

Ball Buster