Friday, January 27, 2012

Rapid Fire with J-Wunder

1) Best Sex Music?

JW: Anything that goes to the beat of me pounding the shit out of that pussy. Marvin Gaye, 112, Led Zeppelin...hell, put some death metal on and if that shit is in rhythm with my smashing skills, I'm straight. Oh, and if you're wondering about what the chick might think of my musical selection while fucking...she's not. My dong is too busy occupying her vagina. You're welcome.

2) If you had to permanently give up Pussy or The Raiders, which one would you chose?

JW: Football or Pussy? The team I've been watching since the 80's or Meat Curtains? Before I answer, can I ask you something? Why the fuck would you ask me a question like that?! For reals. I've loved pussy since my first boner at age 6 months. If you showed me a pic of a vagina then a pic of dead kittens, guess what? My dick would still be hard. Pussy is power. And as much as I love my boys from Oaktown, 11 out of 10 times, I'm going for the fucking pussy! Fucking pussy.

3) Marry, Fuck, Kill - Snooki, Mariah Carey, Khloe Kardashian?

Kill - Definitely kill Snooki's orange chicken skin, oompa loompa, vagina infested, lookin' ass. Something about her just oozes "herpes with a vagina that reeks of baby shit and 3 day old Chinese food".

Fuck - I'd fuck the bejeezus out of Mariah Carey because who wouldn't, right. Even if you were to give me the pregnant Mariah, I'd fuck that too. Don't hate, appreciate.

Marry - I would marry the 11th wonder of the world, Khloe Kardashian. Why? Because I would cheat on that bitch ninja style, spend that families money, then come out with my own clothing line - THAT MOTHER FUCKERS WOULD ACTUALLY BUY.

4) If you were starving for a week and given a rat to eat, would you eat it?

JW: Would you eat my shit if I served it to you on some goddamn fine China? You're probably saying, "I asked you first and what does shit have to do with a rat?" I have no idea but I could imagine that if you were to eat a rat, you mine as well eat fucking shit. Fuck that, I'd rather eat my own cum. Wait, what?

5) Sex with lights on or off?

JW: At first I was a "lights off" kinda guy, but then I was like, "Man, fuck that. I'm trying to see some goddamn facial expressions while I'm tenderizing the poon." You know, because that shit is sexy as fuck. So of course, I started to bone with the lights on. Then one rainy night in college, I was fucking this chick with the lights on, and while she was having an orgasm, she looked as if she was taking a shit. My dick went straight to dead mode...then she queefed. Actually, I think that bitch farted. True story. So lights off.  

6) Who should pay on the first date?

JW: It all depends. If the date is going well, the guy should pay. If it's going fucking awful, say you're gonna use the bathroom and fucking run. If it's more friendly and you know that you ain't getting laid, split the bill. If you want to be a dick, order the most expensive shit on the menu, say you lost your wallet and have them pay. This question is fucking dumb. Next.

7) Have you ever been arrested or charged with a crime?

JW: Yes, yes I have. Matter of fact, I recently got arrested last fucking Thursday for Disorderly Conduct/Drunk in Public. You can read this fucked up episode right here - Drunk, Lost, Shoeless and a Night in Jail - Part 1

8) What are your 5 pet peeves?

JW: 1) Mother fuckers who chew with their mouth open. Y'all realize you look like a fucking idiot and sound like a retarded camel eating another camel out, right?, 2) Bitches who talk like they get down like porn stars then when it's time to start fucking, they lay there like a goddamn corpse and have that "Oh, that's what a dick looks like?" look. You people can go fuck a goat. Stop pulling that shit on folks like myself., 3) Chicks who use their teeth while giving a blowjob. I mean, fuck. It's a dick, not a fucking Big Mac sweetheart. No teeth, all tongue, lips and mouth muscles is what men like. Take note., 4) Fucking haters. I mean, we all have a little hater in us, but man, there are some fucking haters out there that have nothing better to do but troll like a bunch of mark ass bitches. Ok, I'm done., 5) Douchebags (this includes the female versions as well). Bottom line: STOP THIS SHIT. I'm not gonna go into are worth a thousand words. You're welcome.

9) Night Sex or Morning Sex?

JW: Who gives a shit? As long as I'm fucking, I'll take it. True story. 

10) What's your position on toe sucking?

JW: A woman with some nice feet is a huge plus. However, just because you got nice feet, doesn't mean I'm gonna suck on your toes and shit. I guess the question that needs to be asked...have I? Yeah, I have. Did I like it? It's not that I didn't like it, but it was just fucking weird doing it then worrying about what the broad was thinking as she was fucking watching me suck on her nice ass toes. Was I doing it right? Was I using my teeth? Pay more attention to the pinky toe? Massage the big toe more? Fuck, it was confusing as shit. It was like sucking 10 little dicks. Wait...did I just say I was sucking 10 little dicks? Fuck that. Toe sucking can suck MY dick. I'm done.

Have 10 questions you wanna ask me? Don't be shy...shoot them over and I'll answer them Rapid Fire style. Submit your questions to me at:


L-Train said...

Meeee, too.

Ten Little Dicks WOULD be confusing, even for someone who has experience in the area...

H-Bomb said...

It made me something else that begins with H ;)... L, which one of you has experience with 10 little dicks? you or J??? I am gonna need some major clarification on this.

L-Train said...

General experience in the dick-sucking area, not specific, ten little dicks experience.

Rowdy Reign said...

Oh Jay, you make me jolly :)

Anonymous said...

J...I would love to fuck you!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Guys don't like teeth? Eh, maybe some. That's ok, just tell a bitch before she fucking starts polishing it off for you. I love to use my teeth and I promise any bitch that does will definitley NOT lay there like a fucking corpse!

Anonymous said...

Lights off!?! Really J-Wun??? I expected more from you. or perhaps I expected more of the poon you've been getting.... was it really just one bad experience, or is the caliber that low....?

KoolEMac said...

That ten little dicks got me crying over here x'D