Wait, What?! Podcast: Episode 1 - Rapid Fire

Rapid Fire with J-Wunder

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Rapid Fire with J-Wunder

In this edition of Rapid Fire: Everything from Betty White to Speedos to the dumbest bet I've ever taken. You got questions, I have goddamn answers. Enjoy!


1. If you had to sleep with Betty White or Justin Timberlake to save your life, who would you pick?

JW: I ain't gonna lie, JT is my boy. Dude is a good ass actor and the cat is good looking. Don't get it twisted though, I ain't gay and couldn't see my beautiful self touching a man who was also good looking. Maybe if you put Prince in this equation I'd consider his Little Red Corvette ass because...wait, what the fuck am I talking about?! This is a fucked up question. I'm gonna bone Betty White and have her save my life for the following reasons: 1) She's a Golden Girl. Truth be told, my moms had me watch that shit growing up and it was either them or that bitch from Murder She Wrote that I had to think about when jerking off, 2) She's a woman, who has a vagina. I don't care if she's 126...her mud flaps may be used and abused but there is something called a paper bag, KY and an imagination and 3) She's Betty fucking White...tell me what dude wouldn't fuck Betty White because she eats goddamn Snickers?! I'm just saying'. Oh, and she wouldn't save me, but who the fuck cares. I died fucking Betty White. Next.


2. What is the dumbest bet you've ever taken?

JW: The better question is, what's the smartest bet I've ever taken? Answer: None. I'm a stupid mother fucker when it comes to taking a bet. You could bet me that  1+1 = 2 and you know what? I'd find some fucking way to fuck that bet up and lose. Real talk. Betting is exhilarating. So exhilarating that I have no chance of winning. Why? Because I just know how to fuck shit up. Now, if we were talking about drinking or something like, "how many chicks could you bang in one night...this includes ugly and blind people," then I got a fighting chance. Otherwise, I'll lose. Even when I know I'll lose. Pretty fucked up, right?


3. What is #1's phone number?

JW: 415-NONEOFYOURGODDAMNBUSINESS. Look, for the first time in my life, I found a broad who not only made my face numb while sucking my wang like it was the last Tootsie Pop on earth, BUT jerked me off better than I jerk myself off. Once you strike gold, you ain't sharing shit. I'm a greedy mother fucker. True fucking story. You could be the finest bitch on the block and ask me to have a threesome with #1. You know what's gonna happen when you ask me? I'm gonna cut you, piss on your back, steal your purse and heels then slap your ass in the face with a handful of baby powder. That's how I roll.


4. When is it a good time on a date to tell the other person you'd like to stop the small talk and get down to business?

JW: This right here is a trick fucking question. When drunk: Go for it...any time is a good time. When sober: All depends on how well your Jedi-Mind shit is working. If you can get the person to look into your eyes the whole conversation - DO IT. Now that I think about it, I have no fucking idea if there is a bad time because every time I've done that shit, I've been fucking drunk. I can't believe I've never asked a woman if they would bone me while we were both sober. That is fucking awesome!


5. Favorite kind of lingerie a girl can wear?

JW: The naked kind.


6. How is it at all comfortable for guys to sag their pants below their ass?

JW: Let's be honest...that shit was the shit back in the day. I remember when I did it from 1993-1996. Sure it looked like I shit myself but you know what? Pimpin' ain't easy. Nowadays, the art form of the "sag" isn't how it used to be. Mother fuckers have their shit down to their knees and ankles. Makes me want to say, "Hey homie, why the fuck are you wearing pants? Looks like your ass got done doing a quickie in the break room. Pull your fucking pants up from your ankles mother fucker...or just don't wear pants." The question I have is, how and why do mother fuckers with skinny jeans try to sag their pants? That's reason to get your ass kicked.


7. Speedos.....good, bad, or just plain wrong?

JW: I'm convinced Speedos are the alternative version of the "manscape". When you "manscape", your dick looks like it grew about 4 inches and your balls dropped down about 2.5 inches. Big ass dong but not really, right? Hanging and just kickin' it, waiting for lady luck to show up and greet you with a little game of, "Is his cock really that big?" With Speedos, that shit is packed in like sardines in a can. So you get like a mixture of cock and balls in a confined area...mixed that shit in with a hairy ass bush, you got yourselves a dick that's the size of a goddamn fruit salad and shit. I don't like my shit looking like a fruit salad. I like my shit looking like a big ass linguica ready to be eaten. Ya heard?


8. Why did I see a three year old girl wearing knee high boots today?

JW: You know why? Because some parents shouldn't be fucking parents. Today's kids look like young ass trash...can't blame the kids though because they don't know any fucking better. It's those goddamn parents that think that shit is fucking "cute" and "adorable". I'm all for kids looking cute and shit but if they look like a fucking stripper, there's a 92% chance I'm gonna punch that parent in the throat and an 8% chance I'm gonna pee in their mouth. Ok, that was a little overboard...but you get what I'm saying. Kids need to act and dress like fucking kids...not like 2 dollar sluts who idolize Ke$ha and use tether ball poles for strip teases. You laugh but that's the truth. Just watch that show 16 and Pregnant. Fuck birth control, watch that shit and you're ass will be scared fucking straight.


9. Chocolate or caramel?

JW: All depends on what you're putting on your body for me to lick off. See what I did there? I gave you the answer you wanted. Such a naughty little fan. Shame on you for being so dirty. But not shame on you for wanting to have sex with me. That shit is never a bad thing.


10. Wanna grab a drink?

JW: Do you wanna fuck? If the answer is yes, I'll absolutely grab a drink. If the answer is no, then we should grab a drink so we can change that answer to YES. Drunken words are sober thoughts. And what your thoughts are should be nothing short of, "I'm gonna bang this guy...no matter how drunk he gets me." You're welcome.

Let Inside the Mind of a Ghetto Genius HELP YOU!!!!

We here at "Inside the Mind of a Ghetto Genius" love giving advice for those who need it. Shit, we love giving advice just to fucking give it. Why? For a couple of reasons:

1) Because we can, motherfuckers. Because we can.

2) Because there are really stupid fucks in this world who we think need advice because if they listened to their own, they'd probably be dead, contract herpes, be forever alone or contract herpes. Did I say contract herpes? Wait, what?

3) Because we say what society is fucking thinking. True story.

4) Because we're funny and honest. Best mother fucking combo in the goddamn galaxy.

5) Because we don't take sides. We look at things from a realistic point of view then fuck it up by saying some shit that will probably ruin someones life so us and America can fucking laugh at them. Pretty cool fucking concept, right? Hey, no one said we were professionals...we're fucking bloggers who blog shit.

Anyway, I'm talking about shit that doesn't make any fucking sense so let me get to the point of what the fuck I'm trying to say...

HELP US, HELP YOU!

That's right. We want you fans to write in and ask us anything that's on your goddamn fucking mind.

Need advice? We have tons, bitches.

Have 10 Rapid Fire questions that are so fucking random that you would love for us to answer? Rapid Fire is our middle fucking name, son...yes, collectively we have one fucking middle name.

Maybe you have a question where you want the male AND female point of view...there are two sides to every story right? Fuck yeah there is...the great part...someone is always full of fucking shit. Just depends on who the hell you want to believe.

Look, we don't give a shit what it is, we just want emails and want it from you fans. Advice columns, Facebook Confessions, He said/She said, Rapid Fire...what-the-fuck-ever. Send it and we'll answer it. Here's the best part: you can submit any of these requests and have the person of your choice answer them...myself, H-Bomb, L-Train, Anonymous or The RINGER. It doesn't matter...we'll make your dreams and desires come true. Like an orgasm you never saw coming. Real talk.

So what the fuck are you guys waiting for? Email us and tell us what you want to know. Doesn't matter how random it is...as long as you got something, we'll be more than happy to fucking answer it.

Hit us up at:

jwunder33@gmail.com

We appreciate our fans so why not be a part of something goddamn special, motherfuckers. Now email us something or we'll punch you in the fucking taint. Cheers!

BTW - sexually harassing emails to J-Wunder are not only suggested, but highly recommended...from you ladies, of course.

Rapid Fire with J-Wunder and Ball Buster

That's right, you get both J-Wunder and Ball Buster answering some of the weirdest, most fucked up questions out there.... in a little segment we like to call "Rapid Fire"

Q1) If you could fuck any animal, what would it be and why?

BB: Just because you’re obviously a fucking moron, I’m going to say a human. Humans are fucking animals, you dildo. And why? Because I loooove fucking some human.

JW: I’m gonna have to fuck a tiger. I don't know why but for some reason, fucking a tiger would make me feel like I accomplished something really major in life.

BB: Nice, J, I bet you’d do ggggrrrrreat!

JW: Hey BB, I will slap the shit out of you then shit on your face. 

Q2) What is the one thing you have never done in the sack that you secretly want to do?

BB: One word: threesome

JW: One word: foursome

Q3) If you were trapped on a desert island and could take only 2 things, what would they be?

BB: 1) A bottle of booze that I could drink and then fuck myself with and 2) A gun.

JW: 1) A knife because I need to kill shit if I'm fucking hungry and 2) A big ass bottle of KY because after awhile of jerking off dry and shit, I'm gonna need a little something, something that is as close to a wet vagina as I'll ever get to.

BB: Damn, we’re oddly similar.

JW: Is it weird that I'm kinda turned on and wouldn't mind playing with your balloon knot right now?

Q4) If you had $10 to your name, and really wanted to get laid, what would you do?

JW: I'd go to the worst strip club on the fucking planet, tell them this is all I have and I bet I'm guaranteed to have sex. I'll even stay after to help mop and shit. Good customer fucking service

BB: Well the thing is, I’m a chick, so it’s really not that hard to get laid. But if I wanted some quality cock, I’d go a nice bar, walk up to a sexy dude and say… “You seen fun, can I buy you a shot?” Works every time.

JW: You’re such a slut you fucking slut. I love you.

Q5) Biggest regret and why?

BB: Not moving to Sydney when I had the chance. I fucking love it down under. 

JW: I bet you do whore. 

JW: Vegas 2002. Met some bad ass bitches at Bellagio. They were down for some ground and pound and so was I. What I failed to realize though was that I had one too many shots of jager prior to taking these bitches back to my hotel. Basically, I didn't get a chance to even have fucking whiskey dick. I passed out on the cab ride back to my hotel. Bitches couldn't wake me up, so not only did they fucking leave me in the goddamn cab, but those shady cunts took all my fucking cash. Broke and fuckless ain't the business.

BB: Wow, major fuck up. But sounds like you deserved it, douche.

Rapid Fire with J-Wunder

1. Most hardcore place you've had sex and I don't mean a bed or up the ass! Location please!

JW: Studio 54 in Vegas. Drunk as shit. Hot broad. Dark corner. Up goes her skirt, in goes my penis. Game.Set.Match. One of my most favorite accomplishments I must fucking say. It didn't hurt that she was DTF...ANYWHERE!!!


2. Favorite position?

JW: The one that's gonna make a girl say words that don't make any fucking sense while they put an anaconda choke on my cock. Position that, bitch. 


3. Preference to size, age, race or religious background?

JW: Is this a serious fucking question? Like, for fucking reals? I like a woman with curves but that’s not to say I wouldn’t fuck a skinny broad…because we all know skinny broads need the dilz, right? As far as race, I embrace all beautiful people who would give me a blowjob while watching SportsCenter. The only religion I fucking care about is “will they fuck me” religion. Next.


4. Group sex, 3some's or more? If yes, preference to additional male or female?

JW: I’ve had two threesome’s in my life. Both times with two chicks. I ain’t gonna lie, that shit was crazy and I’m almost convinced my dick was hard for 3 days…and my punk ass didn’t even take Viagra. See, what you need to know about me is that if a chick can turn me on…like really turn me on, I could blow my load and still keep it hard. Ladies, you’ve been warned. Oh, and if you ever ask me if I would fuck a chick with another dude again, I will slap the shit out of you. I don't play the double dick touching game. Stop that shit.


5. Not a question, a comment; teeth used properly on a dick are like fucking heaven on earth! True story and I have more then one man who will have my 6 on this one! 

JW: Note to self: DO NOT LET THIS BITCH SUCK YOUR DICK. Get the fuck outta here! Dude’s that say it's heaven on earth, have obviously never had a fucking blowjob. And what is this "6" nonsense? Are you saying you only have 6 fucking teeth? For fuck's sake. Jesus fucking fuck. Goddamn bum.


6. Are you a "toy" kinda guy? To use or be have used on you? If yes, type?

JW: I’m a “how would you like me to fucking make you cum” kinda guy. See, there’s a time and a place for everything. Some bitches love it when a man can fuck ‘em while using some type of toy to arouse their clit. Some like anal beads shoved in their ass and pulled out slowly as they're about to cum. Some, some just want to be fucking choked and spit on, then chili dogged. Wait, what? What was the question? Onto #7...


7. Kink/Bondage shit? Anything I need to add to that one? YES! If yes, do'er or done to?

JW: Look, after watching Pulp Fiction, I ain’t about some mother fucker trying to strap me up, gag me and beat me like Mommy Dearest. Fuck all that. I’m a dude that needs a little control. So if a bitch says, “I want you to strap me to this wall or bed and fuck me til I turn blue”, then I probably will. But if she comes back to me after I’m done beating her shit with my dick and says it’s her turn, I’ll probably punch that bitch in the throat then steal her purse. Real talk.


8. Food play? If yes, Jello or Pudding? Flavor? Whipped cream and strawberries are "vanilla" and way over rated! 

JW: Bitch, you serious? What are you gonna ask me next…am I going to start talking like Bill fucking Cosby while eating some delicious chocolate pudding off your pussy?! Jello or Pudding? How bout, my fat ass dick in your mouth, combined with a few dick thrust in your wet ass vagina? How does that sound? You want pudding, I’ll cum in your mouth. Happy? If I want Jello, I’ll fuck you with a yeast infection. Geez woman...what the fuck is your goddamn problem?!


9. Oldest person you've fucked, Youngest person you've fucked? Which had the tighter pussy?

JW: Oldest person was 41 when I was 21. Fucked her for 2 hours. You heard that right…2 hours…straight. That was the only time I had Superman dick without taking a break. Youngest chick was 19 and I was 23. She was either a virgin or my dick was really big that night. I raw dogged the shit out of her too. BOOM! Oh, to answer your question…your mother’s a whore.


10. If you had the option of the BEST BLOW JOB EVER....would you invite me to the party? I won’t let you down unless of course I can’t get you down! 

JW: Please see #5. Use your teeth, I will knock your ass out. It’s all fun and games till you make a dudes dick bleed. And you my friend, with your 6 teeth having ass, ain't coming to my party. If you did, you'd be assigned to receive complimentary facials. Just sayin'.


Bonus: Word from the wise; Difference between like and love....spit and swallow! I swallow!

JW: I’d swallow too if I don’t get to suck too much cock. I can’t believe you use your goddamn teeth. Do me a favor, if you really are down to suck my dong, take a cucumber, suck it off and show me a pic of how that cucumber looks afterwards. If I see one ounce of cucumber skin peeled off, I get to Karate Kid crane kick you in the face. If not, I’ll let you suck my wang. Deal?

I'm out.

Rapid Fire with J-Wunder

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Rapid Fire with J-Wunder

1) Best Sex Music?

JW: Anything that goes to the beat of me pounding the shit out of that pussy. Marvin Gaye, 112, Led Zeppelin...hell, put some death metal on and if that shit is in rhythm with my smashing skills, I'm straight. Oh, and if you're wondering about what the chick might think of my musical selection while fucking...she's not. My dong is too busy occupying her vagina. You're welcome.


2) If you had to permanently give up Pussy or The Raiders, which one would you chose?

JW: Football or Pussy? The team I've been watching since the 80's or Meat Curtains? Before I answer, can I ask you something? Why the fuck would you ask me a question like that?! For reals. I've loved pussy since my first boner at age 6 months. If you showed me a pic of a vagina then a pic of dead kittens, guess what? My dick would still be hard. Pussy is power. And as much as I love my boys from Oaktown, 11 out of 10 times, I'm going for the fucking pussy! Fucking pussy.


3) Marry, Fuck, Kill - Snooki, Mariah Carey, Khloe Kardashian?

JW:
Kill - Definitely kill Snooki's orange chicken skin, oompa loompa, vagina infested, lookin' ass. Something about her just oozes "herpes with a vagina that reeks of baby shit and 3 day old Chinese food".

Fuck - I'd fuck the bejeezus out of Mariah Carey because who wouldn't, right. Even if you were to give me the pregnant Mariah, I'd fuck that too. Don't hate, appreciate.

Marry - I would marry the 11th wonder of the world, Khloe Kardashian. Why? Because I would cheat on that bitch ninja style, spend that families money, then come out with my own clothing line - THAT MOTHER FUCKERS WOULD ACTUALLY BUY.


4) If you were starving for a week and given a rat to eat, would you eat it?

JW: Would you eat my shit if I served it to you on some goddamn fine China? You're probably saying, "I asked you first and what does shit have to do with a rat?" I have no idea but I could imagine that if you were to eat a rat, you mine as well eat fucking shit. Fuck that, I'd rather eat my own cum. Wait, what?


5) Sex with lights on or off?

JW: At first I was a "lights off" kinda guy, but then I was like, "Man, fuck that. I'm trying to see some goddamn facial expressions while I'm tenderizing the poon." You know, because that shit is sexy as fuck. So of course, I started to bone with the lights on. Then one rainy night in college, I was fucking this chick with the lights on, and while she was having an orgasm, she looked as if she was taking a shit. My dick went straight to dead mode...then she queefed. Actually, I think that bitch farted. True story. So lights off.  


6) Who should pay on the first date?

JW: It all depends. If the date is going well, the guy should pay. If it's going fucking awful, say you're gonna use the bathroom and fucking run. If it's more friendly and you know that you ain't getting laid, split the bill. If you want to be a dick, order the most expensive shit on the menu, say you lost your wallet and have them pay. This question is fucking dumb. Next.


7) Have you ever been arrested or charged with a crime?

JW: Yes, yes I have. Matter of fact, I recently got arrested last fucking Thursday for Disorderly Conduct/Drunk in Public. You can read this fucked up episode right here - Drunk, Lost, Shoeless and a Night in Jail - Part 1


8) What are your 5 pet peeves?

JW: 1) Mother fuckers who chew with their mouth open. Y'all realize you look like a fucking idiot and sound like a retarded camel eating another camel out, right?, 2) Bitches who talk like they get down like porn stars then when it's time to start fucking, they lay there like a goddamn corpse and have that "Oh, that's what a dick looks like?" look. You people can go fuck a goat. Stop pulling that shit on folks like myself., 3) Chicks who use their teeth while giving a blowjob. I mean, fuck. It's a dick, not a fucking Big Mac sweetheart. No teeth, all tongue, lips and mouth muscles is what men like. Take note., 4) Fucking haters. I mean, we all have a little hater in us, but man, there are some fucking haters out there that have nothing better to do but troll like a bunch of mark ass bitches. Ok, I'm done., 5) Douchebags (this includes the female versions as well). Bottom line: STOP THIS SHIT. I'm not gonna go into details...pics are worth a thousand words. You're welcome.

9) Night Sex or Morning Sex?

JW: Who gives a shit? As long as I'm fucking, I'll take it. True story. 


10) What's your position on toe sucking?

JW: A woman with some nice feet is a huge plus. However, just because you got nice feet, doesn't mean I'm gonna suck on your toes and shit. I guess the question that needs to be asked...have I? Yeah, I have. Did I like it? It's not that I didn't like it, but it was just fucking weird doing it then worrying about what the broad was thinking as she was fucking watching me suck on her nice ass toes. Was I doing it right? Was I using my teeth? Pay more attention to the pinky toe? Massage the big toe more? Fuck, it was confusing as shit. It was like sucking 10 little dicks. Wait...did I just say I was sucking 10 little dicks? Fuck that. Toe sucking can suck MY dick. I'm done.

Have 10 questions you wanna ask me? Don't be shy...shoot them over and I'll answer them Rapid Fire style. Submit your questions to me at: jwunder33@gmail.com

RAPID FIRE, with Ball Buster

1) What's the most inappropriate thing a woman can do as a person?

Go for a man's asshole without permission.

2) If you had to choose between cleaning up a warehouse full of elephant shit and sucking cock every day, in order to live, which one would you choose and why?

This is fucking silly, J. Do you really expect me to say I'd rather clean elephant shit? I'd rather suck cock every day than go to work. I'd rather suck cock every day than clean my house. Hell, I'd rather suck cock every day than cook breakfast, and I don't even eat goddamn breakfast... I mean, I don't think this even warrants an answer. Asshole.

3) Would you rather get a fist in your ass or in your vagina?

Fist in the ass. This answer may surprise people, but let me explain why. The ass would fucking hurt and probably be much less enjoyable. The thing is though that I have a nice taut vagina and I don't want anything stretching it out, making life much less pleasurable (for me and any male friends I come across in life)... I'm childless, so my vagina is at an advantage.

4) A person puts a gun to your head and says he's gonna kill you if you don't go down on your friend who has herpes. What do you do?

Shoot me. The technology brain surgeons have access these days is pretty incredible. Survival is still an option.

5) Best drug in the world and why?

Cocaine. Makes you feel like you're god-damn invincible and amazing. I hear it's a helluva drug.

6) Are vibrators overrated?

I can get myself off in less than 30 seconds. And it's not that fun. There is ZERO replacement for the real thing. I will cage fight any bitch who tries to argue this with me.

7) What's the #1 thing a guy can do to fuck up a first date?

Go for the asshole without permission.

8) If you could have one wish that didn't involve money, sex, booze and drugs, what would it be?

This feels unfair. Um, World peace? I mean, what else is there? Nothing fun...

9) White boys or the other?

I like to think of myself as an equal opportunist, but since "the other" encompasses a very large, un-defined group of men... I gotta go with the white boys.

10) Do big dicks do the trick or is it all myth?

Big dicks start with an advantage, there is no lying. I mean, you can't get to China in a goddamn dingy... And you can't get to the Earth's core with a jack hammer. But at the same time, the Titanic sank and that big-ass drill in Armageddon broke.

I guess the moral of the story -- I can't stress how important it is to know what you're doing with that thing.