Thursday, July 5, 2012

Advice Column: No Laughing Matter


Dear J-wunder & Crew, 

I need your opinion, because lets face it, you always deliver the no-holds-barred  bottomline, one that I can appreciate.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple years, in the beginning he had a shit load of trust issues because he thought he was the only man or person on the fucking planet that had ever been cheated on, and well that's not my style. He put me through hell at times over that shit and tried to set me up to fail but I'm straight up and don't play. Fast forward through all the bullshit and hes over it. He left the state to work 1,200 miles away and 4 months later we ( myself & offspring ) all relocated. I now stay at home ( I have always worked in the past ) he drives our currently only vehicle to work everyday and sometimes stays over with a co-worker because his commute is  about 150 round trip. So I am held fucking captive in a foreign place with kids and no transportation. Fucking shoot me now.

Now my issue is the buddy he stays with and himself devising a joke...One that involves my bf spreading a rumor at work that he slept with a local college cheerleader...Wait, What?!  yuh uhhh Not so funny. Story goes his buddy said, "man you look tired, must have been up all night!" in front of some other coworkers...my bf being the typical funny guy took the bait and concocted a story of how he stayed over at his friends and met up with said cheerleader and never went to bed that night, so on and so forth I don't need to paint the picture. Evidently by the end of the day guys on the other crew had even heard about it and were making comments back at the shop...so success to bf and idiot friend.   He tells me about his joke and of course I was not entertained at all. I get it's supposed to be a fucking joke but seriously, in my book it makes him look like a fucking scumbag and totally disrespects me. I'm pissed and he maintains it's just a joke and I need to get over it.  Now I'm heated, not busting up our home or throwing his shit out on the lawn pissed, but seriously slapped in the face and he's a fucking douche pissed.  So my question is...am I overreacting or was that really a total asshat thing for him to do especially considering all the slightly psychotic issues about cheating from our past?

Thanks for putting shit in check as always,
-So not rotflmfao



Dear So Not ROTFLMFAO,

I don’t know how many advice columns start out with a fist bump but you deserve it, and I like to give credit where credit is due. So a big fist bump and CONGRATULATIONS for not pushing that motherfucker in the face, changing the locks, or assembling his clothes into a pile on your driveway and setting that shit on fire.

I like men so don’t take this as a come-on, but I want you to be MY girlfriend. You’re patient. You’re willing to work through trust issues. You will move 1,200 fucking miles to be with the one you love. You withstand being a prisoner in your own home to give your man a source of transportation.

Maybe you’ve always been a good person so you don’t know how the rest of us haggard hoes work, but let me give you a comparison. I made my man a Hot Pocket yesterday. I’m done being awesome for the rest of the week. Where's my high 5 up in this bitch?!

I want you to repeat after me: “I AM NOT OVERREACTING. I DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS. I DESERVE BETTER.” Say this out loud. Maybe you’re waiting in line for a carnitas burrito at Chipotle while reading this, and you’re afraid to look crazy. Fuck those strangers around you. Fuck 'em.

I’m trying to imagine what your day-to-day life is like right now. I imagine you like to eat. How do you get them groceries? Do you walk? How do you deal with the loneliness of living in a new place with no support except for a man who has shitty taste in friends and a sick sense of humor?

I’m not coming at you from a place of “Men need to be goddamn perfect and treat me like a queen.” No ma’am. I know what it’s like to be in a relationship where there is so much mind-fucking, insecurity, and problems in the beginning that when the man acts like a half-decent human being once in a while, I would convince myself that it was worth staying because he was changing. That it is worth sacrificing my self-respect and dignity because he is going to become a Good Man. One day.

Maybe he’s blaming his friend for coming up with the joke. I blame your man for going along with it. And I blame your man for keeping company with such a dickhead. You don’t have to worry about what all of his co-workers think; they’re not important. But, think about the message you’re sending to your kids. Maybe you got a boy. Would you be okay with your boy growing up to act exactly like your boyfriend? Maybe you got a girl. Would you be okay with a man treating your daughter the way your boyfriend treats you?

Grown-ass men need to know where to draw the line. I don’t give a fuck if it’s supposed to be “just a joke.” If this stupid shit is okay, I’m afraid to know what else he’s done in the past. I’m also afraid to know what else he’s going to concoct “for entertainment purposes only” in the future. I ain’t trying to break up a happy home, but this is not a happy home.

The longer you stay with someone who isn’t right in the head and certainly not right for you, the longer you keep yourself from finding a man who will love you always, in all ways.

YOU DESERVE THAT. You are NOT a collector of broken things. Don’t be afraid to want better.


Real Talk,

Flo-Rich

17 comments:

Gwen Parker said...

This is the first time I've read your blog and I'm in love with it. Definitely coming back. To So Not ROTFLMFAO: I agree with Flo-Rich. This is not okay and I would tear the fucking walls down and beat my husband with them and quite possible his friend. I would make a huge deal out of this because if you don't your telling him that it's okay to disrespect you. My first thought is this though, "What if it's not a joke, maybe he's aware that other people know about his fuck up and he's afraid it's going to get back to you. Being men and feeling cornered, him and his not so bright friend come up with this story on how it's a joke". Just saying - It's a possibility!

Bonnie Wilkinson said...

WORD!

Anonymous said...

word. The 2nd half of thr 7th paragraph is real talk right there. Its about the kids and setting an example for them. I have 2 daughters. And I left the douch bag because I don't want my girls to find a man like their father.

The Warden said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JC said...

Straight up, get a friend to start talking about how every time he heads out on his 150 mile ride to work, that one neighbor with the washboard abs and donkey dong comes over and turns you inside out while your kids are watching Dora or some shit. Then tell him about your little joke, and how funny everyone thinks it is.

The Warden said...

Gwen nailed it. This is a cover story for when the truth gets back to you: "Oh, honey! It was just that joke that me and "Asshat" started... As a guy who's had friends who have done this, I know bullshit when I hear it....

Pam G said...

Completely agree with Gwen...that was my first thought as well. If other people know, he probably figured it would get back to her eventually and is trying to cover his tracks. Leave this jackhole (yes, that's a word) immediately, if not for you for your kids. You don't want to end up with the herp...that's the gift that keeps on giving!!!

Anonymous said...

As a man, and to come up with a joke like that, that's fucked up. Talk about raising flags. My concern would be what if the "its just a joke" really isn't a joke, but using that to cover up something. My wife lives 1500 miles from her home, and I'd never do anything like that. THATS FUCKED UP. try to get back home and find a real man that makes you and your child feel comfortable.

greensnowball said...

I have been in a similar situation myself and Flo- Rich is dead on target! He is disrespecting you and your children as well.

Anonymous said...

I don't agree with this advice. First off, I agree the joke was in poor taste, but it is a joke. The real question here is why is she staying in a relationship where she is alone all the time and without transportation. It seems that she's unhappy in her day-to-day and has decided to make a mountain out of a mole hill. Address what is really wrong in the relationship and don't waste time fighting over stupid friends and jokes. If your man's job was worth (meaning he's making bank) driving 150 miles roundtrip, you should be able to afford another car. If he's not making bank, then get a job closer to home. He would be home everynight and you could actually work on the real issues in your relationship!!

Jod's word said...

You've earned more self respect in this relationship than the gamer deserves to have. Even if he is a big prankster, he should know that a joke like that is disrespectful to you. Even if he tells you about it before word got to you. I hope you find someone who is equally compatible on the lines of respect and appreciates your efforts into the relationship.

Anonymous said...

I thought same. Thing too. Wht if its a cover up of what really happened.

So Not ROTFLMFAO said...

I am pretty sure he didn't actually sleep with anyone, on the night sited he was home anyways. I say pretty sure because no one ever can be 100% positive and if you say you are then you're ignorant.
As far as being unhappy in the day-to-day, not so much, but it's not easy and when shit like that happens it stresses the situation more than usual. As for my finances, he banks decently which allows me to stay home and raise children the right way without drawing off of welfare or any of that good stuff, ergo sacrafices ( in the way of 2 vehicles ) are made, gladly.
Lame distastful idiotic jokes seriously make me want to put my hands on someone but I've learned the lesson on that. Occasionally everyone is allowed to be stupid, he is under strict orders to make it a fucking lot less frequently and severe. Momma aint playin' no more. Thanks Flo for doin' what you do and lettin' a girl know she aint crazy yet. Oh, and a high 5 on the hot pocket xox

Flo-Rich said...

To So Not ROTFLMFAO:

Thanks for taking the time to come at me with your thoughts. It's great to hear someone's feedback afterwards. I'm happy to know that you've laid down the law. Hopefully, he will straighten up and try to do right by you.

And...thanks for the high 5. I'm still tired from all that hard work microwaving that bitch.

Anonymous said...

you people need to get a fuckin life....one that doesnt involve the internet

SugarBrat said...

"I made my man a Hot Pocket yesterday. I’m done being awesome for the rest of the week. Where's my high 5 up in this bitch?!"

I'd give you a high 5. I looked at my husband, where's my fucking Lexus?

Anonymous said...

Girl, you need to ruuun!! I had an ex that sounds just like this douche. Hrs would volunteer to do the out of town jobs on the regular and he and his crew would make the most of it by hitting up the rippers, the clubs and anywhere else there wad no-strings-attached(unless you count std's) pussy. Fortunately for me he kept a box of condoms in his truck for when he would take these 'ladies' outside for a quick fuck or when him and the boys brought an orgy back to their hotel room. He stays at a co-workers house sometimes? Suuure. I don't buy it.