Thursday, July 5, 2012
Advice Column: No Laughing Matter
Dear J-wunder & Crew,
I need your opinion, because lets face it, you always deliver the no-holds-barred bottomline, one that I can appreciate.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple years, in the beginning he had a shit load of trust issues because he thought he was the only man or person on the fucking planet that had ever been cheated on, and well that's not my style. He put me through hell at times over that shit and tried to set me up to fail but I'm straight up and don't play. Fast forward through all the bullshit and hes over it. He left the state to work 1,200 miles away and 4 months later we ( myself & offspring ) all relocated. I now stay at home ( I have always worked in the past ) he drives our currently only vehicle to work everyday and sometimes stays over with a co-worker because his commute is about 150 round trip. So I am held fucking captive in a foreign place with kids and no transportation. Fucking shoot me now.
Now my issue is the buddy he stays with and himself devising a joke...One that involves my bf spreading a rumor at work that he slept with a local college cheerleader...Wait, What?! yuh uhhh Not so funny. Story goes his buddy said, "man you look tired, must have been up all night!" in front of some other coworkers...my bf being the typical funny guy took the bait and concocted a story of how he stayed over at his friends and met up with said cheerleader and never went to bed that night, so on and so forth I don't need to paint the picture. Evidently by the end of the day guys on the other crew had even heard about it and were making comments back at the shop...so success to bf and idiot friend. He tells me about his joke and of course I was not entertained at all. I get it's supposed to be a fucking joke but seriously, in my book it makes him look like a fucking scumbag and totally disrespects me. I'm pissed and he maintains it's just a joke and I need to get over it. Now I'm heated, not busting up our home or throwing his shit out on the lawn pissed, but seriously slapped in the face and he's a fucking douche pissed. So my question is...am I overreacting or was that really a total asshat thing for him to do especially considering all the slightly psychotic issues about cheating from our past?
Thanks for putting shit in check as always,
-So not rotflmfao
Dear So Not ROTFLMFAO,
I don’t know how many advice columns start out with a fist bump but you deserve it, and I like to give credit where credit is due. So a big fist bump and CONGRATULATIONS for not pushing that motherfucker in the face, changing the locks, or assembling his clothes into a pile on your driveway and setting that shit on fire.
I like men so don’t take this as a come-on, but I want you to be MY girlfriend. You’re patient. You’re willing to work through trust issues. You will move 1,200 fucking miles to be with the one you love. You withstand being a prisoner in your own home to give your man a source of transportation.
Maybe you’ve always been a good person so you don’t know how the rest of us haggard hoes work, but let me give you a comparison. I made my man a Hot Pocket yesterday. I’m done being awesome for the rest of the week. Where's my high 5 up in this bitch?!
I want you to repeat after me: “I AM NOT OVERREACTING. I DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS. I DESERVE BETTER.” Say this out loud. Maybe you’re waiting in line for a carnitas burrito at Chipotle while reading this, and you’re afraid to look crazy. Fuck those strangers around you. Fuck 'em.
I’m trying to imagine what your day-to-day life is like right now. I imagine you like to eat. How do you get them groceries? Do you walk? How do you deal with the loneliness of living in a new place with no support except for a man who has shitty taste in friends and a sick sense of humor?
I’m not coming at you from a place of “Men need to be goddamn perfect and treat me like a queen.” No ma’am. I know what it’s like to be in a relationship where there is so much mind-fucking, insecurity, and problems in the beginning that when the man acts like a half-decent human being once in a while, I would convince myself that it was worth staying because he was changing. That it is worth sacrificing my self-respect and dignity because he is going to become a Good Man. One day.
Maybe he’s blaming his friend for coming up with the joke. I blame your man for going along with it. And I blame your man for keeping company with such a dickhead. You don’t have to worry about what all of his co-workers think; they’re not important. But, think about the message you’re sending to your kids. Maybe you got a boy. Would you be okay with your boy growing up to act exactly like your boyfriend? Maybe you got a girl. Would you be okay with a man treating your daughter the way your boyfriend treats you?
Grown-ass men need to know where to draw the line. I don’t give a fuck if it’s supposed to be “just a joke.” If this stupid shit is okay, I’m afraid to know what else he’s done in the past. I’m also afraid to know what else he’s going to concoct “for entertainment purposes only” in the future. I ain’t trying to break up a happy home, but this is not a happy home.
The longer you stay with someone who isn’t right in the head and certainly not right for you, the longer you keep yourself from finding a man who will love you always, in all ways.
YOU DESERVE THAT. You are NOT a collector of broken things. Don’t be afraid to want better.