It was another Tuesday night. However, what started off as a shitty week, got way more interesting...and this was only the second goddamn day of the work week. On Monday, my car broke down. All kinds of shit was wrong with it. Luckily for me, my boy, German, from Auto Analysts in San Francisco, took care of my shit and got my ride up and running again. Big ups, playa!
The incident happened around 8:15-8:30pm. I was walking my carless ass from the BART station to my apartment. BTW - that was a long mother fucking walk. I will NEVER do that shit again. Fuck all that. Note to self - take a cab next time, asshole. But I digress...
About 2 blocks away from getting home, my tired ass got fucking hungry. So, like any hungry and tired mother fucker would do, I decided to make a pit stop. And what do you know, there's a McDonald's right down the street from my pad. Time to get my grub on...
As I walked in, there were two homeboys talking to one another in line. Not giving two shits about what they were talking about, I did notice their voices get a little louder. Hell, I thought these two bastards were friends. Apparently, they weren't. Then this happened...
Me: "Hey fellas, not to be a dick but, y'all mother fuckers gonna order food? If not, can you take this shit somewhere else?"
Waiting for a response because I was deserving of one, all I got was a look from both these bitches. After that, these two slap dicks decide to continue on with their dispute. IN LINE, mind you.
Guy #1: "Fuck you man."
Guy #2: "Nah man, fuck you bro."
Guy #1: "Fuck that, fuck you homie."
Guy #2: "I'm about to fuck you up, ese."
It was at this moment in time that I thought I was about to witness some gay ass Sweet Valley High meets the gayer version of Blood In/Blood Out fight go down. The more "fuck you's" that were said, the louder it got, and the more awkward the moment was...not for me, but for the 5-6 McDonald's employees who just sat there and didn't say or do anything. NOT ONE FUCKING THING. These sons of bitches just sat there with their thumbs rammed straight up their asses. Looking like retarded wildlife at the fucking zoo or some shit.
Then it happened...
Like two 10 year old boys on the playground, these two fucks start to push each other. Knowing that none of the ignorant staff from McDonald's was going to do shit, I knew I had to do something. So what did I do? I try breaking it up before shit got real.
That was probably my biggest fucking mistake.
Right as I get in the middle of these two, mind you, I'm hungry as fuck and just want a goddamn burger, Guy #2 pushes me back, pulls some shit out of his back pocket and swings for the fences at my head. Finding my inner Shaolin Warrior, I pull the Matrix on this mother fucker and dodge his punch but feel something really sharp hit my face. It was right then and there, everything came to a screeching fucking halt and things got fucking awkward real quick.
As I stood back about to get into the infamous Crane Kick position from the Karate Kid, I realized that I shouldn't do a damn thing. Reason being, I had no fucking idea if these two cats had their homeboys around and if so, what direction they'd be coming from. All hyped up, with my backpack still on, ready to go Chuck Liddell on a mother fucker, the dude who swung looked like he saw a dead person.
Confused, sober and still hungry as a mother fucker, I decide to go Ike Turner on these mother fuckers when all of the sudden, the dude says, "Oh shit!!!," B lines it out one door, while the other mother fucker B lines it out the opposite door. Then there's me...still confused, still hungry, still hyped up and wondering what the fuck just happened in the last 10 minutes. And as I stood there still trying to figure out what the fuck just happened, I see every employee from McDonald's staring at me. Not saying a word. Not calling the cops. Just staring.
I walk up to the cashier and say:
"I'll have a #1, regular size with a Powerade. Oh, and give me a chicken sandwich with no mayo. I'm fucking hungry."
She says absolutely nothing. Takes my order and says, "Um, that's $6.84 sir."
Wondering why the fuck she's looking at me with such fear and concern, I feel my cheek where the dude clipped me and feel something....a lot of something. It's blood. This mother fucker sliced my goddamn face and I'm bleeding at McDonald's and don't give a fuck. That's how hungry I was people. Hungry enough to not give a fuck that some dude pulled out a knife, cut my face, and still ordered a mother fucking meal. Hey, when a brother has to eat...a brother HAS to fucking eat. Am I right?
And while waiting there for my food, no employee said or did anything. They all just stared and kept looking confused. Well, it was either that, or they were all fucking high.
Cashier: "Number 104."
As my number gets called, I grab my shit, walk out that mother fucking door, go home and eat my meal as if nothing had happened.
A cool little gash to the face, some swelling and a good story to tell, I guess.
What I find funny is how society as whole (not just McD's) do this shit all the time. Witness something go down but turn a blind eye because "they want no part of it." And as sad and fucked up that may sound, it's true. A friend asked me if I were in the same situation, would I do what I did again? My answer: "Fuck yeah I would. That shit could have happened to anybody. I'm not gonna be that asshole who doesn't do or say shit if I see something go down. That's the problem with people these days. They are too selfish to help those who might need it or are in danger." Real talk.
How this shit happens to me all the time, I have no goddamn clue. But would I ever change it?