Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Advice Column: Kick Her To The C-U-R-B

Dear J and Crew :

It feels like everyone is congratulating you for your success on this blog but I still gotta express how much I appreciate your work and heart.

My problem here involves me and my 7 year relationship with my girlfriend. We started dating since very young (about 14 years old) and our relationship has been steady. We argue, but always overcome our shit. She's the type who thinks because we love each other (and we do) some of the stuff I don't like about her should fly. For instance, I don't like how she doesn't manage her time well and therefore results in us not able to meet for a significant amount of time (weeks) prior to her deadlines. I, too, sometimes procrastinate but would never sacrifice our time. Instead, I sacrifice my sleep, time with friends, leisure activities, etc. However, I seem to be on the bottom of her list every time. I've spoken to her about this issue many many times, and each time she makes me feel she gets it and very much regrets it then I'm convinced that a change is on its way.

I've recently realized that during our communication about our dislikes about each other she will say yes yes ok ok and mislead me into thinking she gets it to end the conversation when in reality, it's not a big deal to her so in the future, she will make the similar mistakes again then the cycle restarts itself.

She is out of country for two months and Two days before she left we had a big argument about everything, literally everything was brought up. We agreed to take a break and not talk to each other during her time away. The main objective is to give her time and space to rethink some stuff about her and about us.

I love her to death, and would hate to lose her but also doubt if I can keep being with her without those changes that I ask by her. I guess my question is: should I keep waiting and asking her to change OR just accept her for how she is (but how do I know if I'm able to do so) OR don't bother and just break up (which I don't want).

I love her so much I am really afraid one of us will feel differently by the time she's back or things just don't work out...

Who's to change?

Dear Who's To Change,

You're probably not going to like what I'm about to say. Then again, you came to me looking for answers so hopefully I can wake you the fuck up so you can see the light at the end of this dark ass tunnel.

I'm going to be blunt, honest and frank, brochacho.


Punt this bitch as far away from you as humanly fucking possible. Real talk.

Look, I get that you have been dating your gal since you were 14. I also get that she was the first girl to make you cum in 2 dick pumps. There's a special thing between you guys. That was then. This is now, motherfucker.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out where your head is at, is nowhere near hers. Fuck all that. You're on planet earth. This broad is on a goddamn rainbow chillin' with some cats on shrooms.

See, you're no longer her priority. How so? Well, any person who has been in a relationship for as long as you have knows that no matter what, you gotta be top dog at least the majority of the time. Brother, it's not about her managing her time. She manages her time really fucking well. The shitty part, you're not a priority in her "time management". You don't even make the list. You're like at the bottom of the post-it where the writing gets all cut-off and shit. Straight up.

While you look at these things you want her to change, you know what she's doing? Not listening to a goddamn thing you're saying. 7 years and she's to the point where she probably wants new shit in her life. All you are is a convenience until she finds something new. And if I were a betting man, she's probably going to find something new while she's away for two months. Don't act surprised because that's probably the first thing that freaked you the fuck out.

However, it's a good thing that you two aren't talking while she's away because honestly playboy, you are wasting your fucking time on someone who is looking for much greener grass. Not saying you're a bad dude, she's just over it like a motherfucking hurdler at the Summer Olympics. Ya feel me?

In life, people change. Whether good or bad, motherfuckers change. As individuals, in relationships...whatever. They change and if you aren't on board with that change or don't feel the need to get the fuck out the way, then that's on you. Don't cry about shit because you love her and you've been with her for 7 years. All this effort and sacrifice you're putting in doesn't mean shit to her. It probably did back then, but not now. Because if it did, she'd reciprocate, listen, and be proactive in an attempt to keep your relationship solid. And trust me, the only solid thing going on is probably the dick she's taking in on this trip of hers. Don't want to set you off, but let's be real with one another...this goddamn relationship has come to an end and you need to wake the fuck up and move on with your life.


As much as I want to tell you to not give up and see what happens when she gets back, I'm telling you to give the fuck up, move on and let her know "too little, too fucking late". You're probably thinking, "But J, 7 years man. I don't want to see it end like this. She means so much to me...we love each other...I miss her touch...we listen to Sade every Tuesday over wine, cheese and a few freshly baked baguettes...blah, blah, blah..." Look bro, as much as that is all gravy, fuck that shit. This broad is so over you, she can't even put enough time for you on her schedule. That's how bad it is...this bitch has to pencil your ass in because she's too busy (not lazy) with other goddamn things. You know what people in relationships have to schedule time with their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife? Motherfuckers WHO DON'T WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIED TO THAT MOTHERFUCKING PERSON.

You're a chore. A chore that sits at the bottom of the pile and collects more dust. And as much as you want to dust all that shit off, you ignore it til it bugs the living shit out of you and have to deal with it. You're that dust, bro. Don't be that fucking dust. Be that motherfucking Swifter that says, "I got this," so fuck you, fuck you, you're cool...FUCK YOU, I'M OUT....before it's too goddamn late.

Don't be that dude for the next two months who shuts his life off from friends, family, activities, etc. because you're sad you're in this situation with your gal. The only people who do that are pussies that can't man the fuck up and realize it's her loss, not yours. Confidence brother. Have some. Tell yourself that this broad has done you wrong and you aren't going to deal with her monkey mouth bitch ass tricks anymore. Do you deserve that? Fuck no you don't. So stop acting like you do and enabling this chick while giving her free fucking passes. You're on the verge of making yourself miserable because you choose to. She's a grown ass woman and if you need to tell a bitch more than once on the changes you want to see happen and she's not doing it, that's your sign to move the fuck on and tell her to kick rocks. Sometimes that will wake a motherfucker up. She'll probably call your bluff, say some shit to get you back then make you her bitch again. If that's the case, good luck in life and please exit stage left while turning in your man card. Pussy.

NO ONE in a relationship should feel like an obligation let alone a goddamn appointment.

That's what you are. Pretty fucked up, right?

Take all this however you choose, just remember, don't say I didn't warn your ass.

Don't fuck this up for yourself,



Anonymous said...

is it bad that this reminds me of my marriage. fuck...

Anonymous said...

Best advice ever! Can be applied to ALL relationships. 2 thumbs up!

Anonymous said...

Preach, GG! PREACH. You took this dude to church! AMEN!

Ultimadragoon89 said...

Real Talk.
Lose this chick man, she is no good for you.

Sarah said...

Hell muthafuckin yeah, J-Wun! I wholeheartedly agree, as sad as 'ol boy may be feeling. I sure as hell am a different person than I was at 14 and as much as we love someone, people have a tendency to change. Great sound advice!

Anonymous said...

I'm a woman and was in a off and on relationship for ten years with a guy that was just like this. He swore he was changing and proposed. Four weeks before the wedding and he was still doing this shit. I picked up my tits and walked the fuck away. No, the shit wasn't easy. But its been over a year now and I'm a happier person because I stood up for myself and didn't settle for this bullshit. Quit being this chicks security blanket. You deserve better.

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOD. This was exactly what happened to my girlfriend of 2 years.
I did exactly the same.

Anonymous said...

Picked up your tits and walked away! LMAO thats awesome!

Anonymous said...

Great advice...I would love for her to write in and give her side of this...and I would love to see the reply to that. Anyhow, nothing lasts for ever. However, some people like to fight for what they want, others just put up with shit, your choice. It's all on YOU decided to look at it. Good luck!

P.S. 7 years is a long time, is she worth another year or 2, with all these mixed emotions? Ask yourself that...

Kelli Weaver said...

Yeah You're right on point. You take the time to break shit down and that is really big of you bro...