Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Advice Column: When To Keep It Real & When To Shut Yo Mouth

Dear ghetto genius(and team)

I have followed you on Facebook for about a year now and now I'm coming for some proper ghetto expertise.

There is this chick (call her layme) , who I have been friends with for about 5 years and she has helped me through some different things. (Never sexual) ..But times have changed, and layme has had sex with about 5 of my friends , who due to my affiliation with her, most those homies don't like to hang around now. She constantly needs to get laid time and time again. Now she's fucking around with this one dude I have known for almost 4 or 5 years (call him guy). And I could give a flying fuck less...

The only issue is he has a wife and a almost 3 year old kid. Nobody knows really except a few of my friends who don't affiliate with layme and guy. And my girlfriend. Who does talk to guys wife. She tells layme she is going to end up being a home wrecker, and layme does not care. She says her and guy have boned for too long and they can't and won't stop.

What do me and my chick do? Back off and let the roof blow off that house by its self by keeping our mouths shut? Or give guys wife a little bit of well needed honesty? Idk. Like I said I could give a shit. It's just amazingly fucked up in my eyes..

Confused friend

Dear Confused Friend,

Damn bruh...this is some shit you watch on the Lifetime Channel while looking at your girlfriend and thinking, "This bitch better not even try some scandalous shit like this. She WILL get cut." Straight up.

As for your homegirl, "Layme"...she loves that Cockle of Friends, huh? Broad got more baby gravy in that vagina to certify her as a goddamn spermbank, son. BOOM!

Now, I was originally going to take the approach and blast the shit out of your gal pal then tell you some mature shit that would end this conversation real quick. How-the-fuck-ever, after much deliberation with myself after a few drinks and some late night tacos, I decided to take a more realistic, J-Wunder, "damned if you do, damned if you don't," approach. Shall we?

See, as much as your homegirl "Layme" is probably viewed as a skallywag whore by the majority of the people reading this column, the reality is, she's single and can suck, fuck and scissor lock anyone she damn well pleases. You know it, I know it and everyone reading this, knows it. Now, does that make it ok to bang some dude who has been married for a hot minute and has a 3 year old? As the world says, "Fuck no it ain't ok, J motherfucking Wunder!!!," I'm here to tell y'all, how's that her problem? He's the motherfucker who's married and cheating on his wife. "Layme" has the freedom to do whatever the fuck she wants with whom ever she wants. That's the beauty of being single with no fucks to give, right?

Sure Spermbank Magee should make a conscious effort in fucking dudes who aren't involved in a relationship. The sad part is, that's not how some of society works. Why do you think a majority of marriages end in divorce? Motherfuckers cheat. It's the game of cat and mouse. Keeping things on the down low. "I won't tell if you won't tell." "It's not cheating if..." While one side tells us, "Hey don't do that shit, it's wrong.," the other side tells us, "What's the worst that can happen if no one finds out?"

You and your girlfriend are stuck in a big ass pickle, hombre. If you don't say anything and shit hits the fan, then your boy's wife is gonna want to stab you and your girlfriend with a fucking ice pick for not having her back and probably ruining her families lives because "you knew all along and never said anything." But if you do say something then your boy will hate you and probably throw you under the bus for some God forsaken thing that isn't true to show his wife that you and your girl are liars and then we get into this whole Lifetime Channel special about how this dude was having an affair then the best friend knew but was also fucking dudes wife which in turn made the dude's girlfriend have a threesome with married dude and single whore chick who loves eating ice cream while getting a dildo in her ass and getting her box munched on. That's fucked up and confusing and what could possibly go down. Ok, not really, but it was good filler for the column. You're welcome.

If it were me and regardless if there is a kid or no kid involved, I'd talk to my boy and tell him what the fuck is up. No one deserves to be fucked over, especially if there is no drama going on at home. You feel me? Now, what your boy wants to do after the conversation, is on him. You can't control his actions because honestly, he's a grown ass man and if you want to do grown ass things, then you will have to suffer whatever consequences are laid down before you.

Once you have the talk, mind your own fucking business (like you said you wanted to) because what goes on in other peoples lives is their fucking business and their fucking problem. It's shitty for your boy's wife and kid to possibly be hurt in all of this but again, you didn't sign up for being that guy. He's the one who took vows and wanted to have a little one. Let that sonofabitch suffer once he gets caught. And trust me, he will get caught sooner or later. Single bitches who prowl on married dudes like your homegirl, "Layme," may be able to do whatever the fuck they want, but once shit gets a little heated or emotions get the better of them, crazy shit happens and all of the sudden, single fuckfest gal falls in love, stalks your boys house, leaves dead fucking rabbits on door steps, watches your family eat dinner through a window, etc. Do you want to be a part of that shit when it gets 50 Shades of Crazy? Fuck no you don't. So peace the fuck out.


The situation as a whole is fucked up. A lot of people are probably asking themselves or wanting to ask me, "Well if this was you J, wouldn't you want your boys to tell you?" Honestly, I wouldn't. Why? Because if I can't figure out that my girl is cheating on me, then who's the stupid one? Sure there are folks out there who are pro's at being shady as fuck, but let's be real...if you know the person you're REALLY know that person, you will be able to decipher sugar from shit real quick. Am I right?

You and your girl are good people regardless if you do or don't tell. All I'm saying is that if you DO open your mouth, get ready to feel the motherfucking heat. Because as much as you don't want to be involved and just want to "let that person know," trust're officially fucking involved.

Good luck and get ready for some shit to get R-E-A-L!!!




Anonymous said...

Another marriage built on lies, why do these married fucks get so many tax breaks anyway?

Anonymous said...

Best advice ive ever heard for this situation

Anonymous said...

Side bitches are side bitches for a reason- they know that there is no better fun than having a hand in the game of helping a "good" marriage fall apart. Don't fall into becoming a participant in that game! Stay on the sidelines as a spectator, buy some popcorn and watch the fireworks that are bound to happen without your help.