Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Advice Column: While You Were Sleeping

Hey Ghetto Genius!

So I need some advice please. I have a great, loving, hard working, loyal husband but the other night when he was asleep he was sleep talking and said another girls name! And he's done this once before. First time it was Amanda this time Tara. I don't know what to think it pisses me off!. Am I crazy? Just some info about us. We have been married almost 5 years no kids. He works for a pretty big company and I work in a doctors office. I always go to the gym and try to look my best. I've actually gotten better looking since we been married. Am I overreacting?

Dear Am I Overreacting,

FACT: When with a woman, men can't get away with shit! Y'all bitches got radar for everything!!!

What I find quite hilarious is the part where you wrote:

"I have a great, loving, hard working, loyal husband…"

First off, if this cat is all those things you said right ^^^^^ here (let's especially emphasize on the word LOYAL), then why would you even question ANYTHING? Now, before you get all 50 Shades of Crazy on me, just listen to the track I'm about to drop on that ass, and see if it keeps you on the dance floor.

You wrote in not to tell me that your man is cheating. You wrote in not to tell me that some broad is accusing your man of fucking her on his work desk. You wrote in not to tell me that you aren't getting laid and want to find dick elsewhere. How-the-fuck-ever, you wrote in to tell me that your great, loving, hard working and loyal husband said another bitch's name in his sleep.

Let's take a moment to think about this shit for a hot second…

He said another woman's name. This being the second time since, without a shadow of a crazy fucking doubt, the first time he was hollering at some bitch named, Amanda. See, and you wonder why men think y'all women are crazy as fuck. You'll forget how to make your mom's amazing pasta sauce but won't forget what the fuck your man said 5 years ago at 3:21am on that cold ass December night when his ass was passed the fuck out. Real talk. But I digress…

I get that you're concerned and a tad bit pissed off. But let's be really fucking real here...people talk in their sleep. People say some shit that makes a motherfucker want to choke you with a pillow. Everyone has done it. You have, I have…WE ALL HAVE. Now, since you haven't accused your man of cheating or given me a reason to believe that (other than him saying a broad's name in his sleep), I'm gonna have to take this for what it is and advise you to calm the fuck down.

The reality is (if he's really not hooking up with another broad), big deal if he said another chick's name? Everyday, we all cross paths with people we work with, let alone, on the street. Some we can't stand. Some we want to punch in the fucking face. And some…some who we may have fantasies about. That's just me being completely honest. It doesn't matter how fine you are or have gotten sweet thang, the truth of the matter is, motherfuckers are surrounded by the opposite sex on the daily and think about shit that we sometimes can't fucking help. Does that mean they are fucking them? Not at all. Does it mean they may have an occasional dream where they are having sex with them because that's as close to the pussy they'll ever get because they love their girlfriend/wife? Sure.

You're concerned and that's ok. But unless this motherfucker is really doing some shit that makes him look suspect, then call him on it. Matter of fact, to make you feel at ease, ask him what he was dreaming about and who the fuck is Tara. But don't be a bitch about it because if you are, you'll just look fucking crazy. And if asking doesn't put you at ease, the next time he hollers another broad's name, pull down his pants and smell his dick. If it smells like a bitch named Sara, Tanya, Rita or Michelle, suffocate his ass with a pillow. Wait, what?!

It's little shit like this that will drive a motherfucker to the brink of the Crazy Bitch Olympics. Don't go there. If you don't chill the fuck out and confront the situation, in a relaxed way, then you'll just put fucked up ideas in your head then end up fucking everything up if you are actually in the wrong.

Could I be completely fucking off and your man is really fucking two broads named Amanda and Tara? Of course. But if he hasn't given you ANY reason to think he's cheating other than saying some chick's name while he's sleeping, then your ass better be sure and have actual proof, he's actually really fucking cheating. Because again, you will look like a crazy fucking bitch.


Calm the fuck down, chill the fuck out, and take a deep breath. You're gonna be al-fucking-right.

Now go in peace and go make your man a sandwich…but not until he fucks you right.

God Bless,



J-Shap said...

Word. I completely agree. Call him out when he begins to be a shady ass mutha fucka. Until then, he's just saying some chicks name.

Unknown said...

It has happened to me a few times. Im 96% sure my man is faithful and for an insecure bitch like me thas pretty fucking sure. Esp bc lotsa bitches sweat him. Anyways I would say it has happend like 3 times over the past 4 yrs. But he often talks or laughs sometimes even screams in his sleep. Ill admit the first time I was upset and concerned. I called him out. I questioned him. He didnt remember the dream and didnt even know anyone w the name (I think it was Heather) anyways the point is it coulda been a dream about sex, it coulda been a regular ass dream or even a nightmare..who tf knows..but he wasnt and probably isnt cheating. Im sure the same is true for ur situation, esp bc u prefaced it w all positive adjectives about your S.O.....so try to relax. And like J Wunder said, unless u have other PROOF, let it go.