Today Can Eat A Dick!

Fuck this fucking rain. I need a fucking Ark.

Fuck 7am client calls.

Fuck my stupid client who wants to fight with me because she hates her fucking life. Fucking cunt.

Fuck that bitch that with the umbrella who thinks she's the only mother fucker walking on the goddamn sidewalk. Lets see who likes to walk in front of buses.

Fuck the fucking prick on the bus that decides to shake his rain jacket on me. I hope that mother fucker gets struck by goddamn lightening.

I hope every fucking person in San Francisco gets washed away by the rain and leaves me the fuck alone.

Fuck 3-4 letter responses. What kind of fucking response is LOL when I need more than that. Fucking ass fuck.

Fuck the bitch on my conference call that doesn't speak fucking English. I can't fucking u-nnnd---er-ssttta--and you!

Fuck people in a jolly ass mood today. Is the sun out mother fuckers? That makes me want to fucking kill someone.

To the mother fucker that decided to heat up their goddamn fish in the microwave for lunch. Guess what? The goddamn office smells like rotten pussy. Thanks for making my walk to the kitchen feel like I'm at a goddamn whorehouse full of rejected prostitutes. Asshole.

Fuck the fact that my body has learned to become fully functional without food or sleep. What the fuck is next...death? Fuck.

At this point, I need to drink something so fucking strong that I blackout for, I don't know, 2 fucking months.

I sound angry but what the fuck? Fuck today. Fuck tomorrow. Where's the fucking weekend.

This is some bullshit. Fucking fuck.

Today Can Go F*ck Itself...AGAIN!!!

Fuck today. AGAIN. And this time, it's not just me...it's a bunch of mother fuckers that are feeling just like me. I'm not sure what the fuck is wrong with us but it is just one of those goddamn days people. You know those days, right? When you just want to say fuck everything. Son of a fucking bitch. Mother fucker. Cocksucker, shit, ass, fuck, damnit. The panel has fucking spoken bitches. Yeah, fuck you too.

Fuck the fact I had to clean up dog shit this morning and got some on my shoe.

Fuck this coffee, it taste like shit. Can't someone just make a decent cup of coffee this morning, for fuck's sake?

Speaking of shits, I haven't taken a solid one in two goddamn days. That's like the 3rd time this month. WTF?! Fuck!

Fuck doing 6 peoples jobs.

Fuck that my boss is UP MY ASS today.

Fuck being a producer, project manager, planner, strategist and director.

Fuck not getting sleep.

Fuck 5 day work weeks...because they don't fucking exist.

Fuck the 8 hour work day because they don't exist.

Fuck these chipper ass people. I hope you fucks fall out of a window. Cunts.

Fuck people who work 9-5's. If I've offended you, go fuck yourself. I'm fucking bitter mother fuckers. Can you tell?

Fuck the fact that I'm so tired it looks like a smoked a bag of weed before work today.

Fuck the fact that's it's only fucking Wednesday and there are 3 more fucking days of this bullshit.

Fuck you mother fuckers that leave a pile of toilet paper in the shitter. How much toilet paper do you possibly fucking need to wipe your ass? Actually, how could you fucks forget to flush? Sick fucks.

What do I want to eat? Does it look like I have time to fucking eat mother fucker? I haven't slept or taken a shit and you want to go and rendezvous to a goddamn cafe for a sandwich. Do me a favor, shove that fucking sandwich straight up your ass. Fuck face.

Fuck this shit. 

Fuck these people that call me Jim. Do I look like a "Jim" cock fuck? Did I introduce myself to you as "Jim" you sack of shit? Wait, your names Dick right? It's not? Then don't call me fucking Jim asshole.

Fuck the fact that I'm whining like a little fucking bitch right now. I just need to throw a mother fucker through a goddamn window to calm my fucking nerves or something. 

Fuck today. I need a goddamn drink already.

 

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Fuck it. Just fuck it. 

Today Can Go F*ck Itself!!!!

Fuck today goddamnit.

Fuck this morning and the bullshit I had to deal with when I got to work.

Fuck the fact that I need to take a fat shit and haven't yet.  Its been fucking hours and I feel like my fucking intestines are gonna fucking explode.  Fuck. 

Fuck that I can't even think, let alone drink a glass of water in fucking peace.

Fuck today, fuck this weather, fuck the fucking meetings, fuck the asshole who jumped in front of a car making me 10 minutes late for work.

Fuck my 12 o'clock meeting so now I can fucking eat lunch.

Fuck this goddamn phone and the shitty battery life it has.

Fuck the fact that i want a drink and can't have a drink.

Fuck you lady in the umbrella that is trying to take up the whole goddamn sidewalk.  Bitch.

Fuck you people in a good mood today.  I hope you get hit by a fucking bus.

Fuck the fact that I paid for lunch and see that there is free lunch when I get back from the fucking lunch I fucking paid for.  Fuck.

Fuck you Oscar Meyer Weiner.

Fuck you people that all you do is bitch about shit no one cares about.  Do me a favor, go fuck yourself.

Fuck that goddamn steel drum player that always plays the same fucking song outside my office. 

Fuck the fucking bitch who didn't take her dog outside when she went to a meeting, and now I get to listen to the fucking dog bark all fucking afternoon.

Fuck the fucking douche who over-microwaved his salmon for lunch, making the entire floor smell like fucking pussy.

Fuck the fucking asshole who took a shit in the bathroom and left fucking streaks along the bottom of the fucking toilet.  Sick fuck. 

Fuck this same asshole who forgot to spray too.  

Fuck this fucking headache I've had since 6am this morning.

Fuck 5 hours of sleep.  

Fuck, I need a goddamn fucking haircut.  I look like a fucking Chia Pet for fuck's sake.  

Fuck I'm so fucking tired.  

Fuck that.  Fuck it.  Today can go fuck itself.