J-Wunder's Jersey Shore Review

The drama unfolds:
It's amazing isn't it? How one couple can be so goddamn dysfunctional that it almost looks like a normal relationship after awhile? What am I saying? Fuck all that shit. Ronni and Sam, you two mother fuckers have issues. I don't know what else to say other than I hope both of you choke on some goddamn chicken wings or something. You know at first, the shit was entertaining. Then it became comical. Now, it has gotten to the point where I want to start up a 5-day telethon and raise money to help the two of you overcome schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder. You mother fuckers don't think like normal people nor should either of you be with anyone but a goddamn stray jacket while being locked up in a pink padded room. Seriously. I mean, I thought I dated some crazy bitches. You two are beyond fucking crazy and seriously need an intervention or need to be assassinated. How many times could America see, "I love you. I hate you. Fuck you. No, fuck you. Cunt. Asshole. Fucking slut. Fucking dick. I love you. I'm sorry. I've changed. You've changed. We've changed. Things are great. I'm in love again. Wait, what?! Fuck you bitch. Fucking slut. You did what? Whore. That's what you get asshole."

I can't make this shit up people and neither can these two head cases from the East Coast. It's gotten to a point, that if Vegas let you bet on what would happen for the next two weeks, America would get rich. Really fucking fast. That how predictable these two fucks are.


De-nim, De-nim Deena:
Hey Deena, you know why your ass ain't getting laid? Because who the fuck still wears denim outfits besides mother fuckers from Canada? For fuck's sake woman, start dressing like a woman and do something with that greasy ass hair of yours. You look like a goddamn prostitute from the fucking 80's. Shit.


Snooki 2.0:
Am I the only person in America that thinks Snooki looks absolutely fucking heinous 22 out of the 24 hours in the day? Every time I look at this bitch, I want to throw up. Take her lunch date with big dick Vinny, for example. Was it me, or did she look like she just rolled out of bed, threw on some shit a bum would wear, then walked her chubby ass to a burger joint with Big Vin? Lets not forget to mention the make-up she still had on from the night before. Shit, I hope it was from the night before because if it wasn't, someone needs to tell her orange chicken skin ass that it looks like a goddamn 4th grader did her fucking make-up. I don't know what it is, but this broad has been annoying me lately. It's like she turned soft or something. Hmmm...maybe it's because the last time she decided to run her jaw, a dude knocked her ass out. LOL! Oh man, that shit was fucked up but funny as hell. Wow. I'm such a fucking dick. It's ok though because 85% of you guys are laughing with me while the other 15% are trying to figure out what I'm talking about, so you are now on YouTube trying to find it. Anyway...

Can someone tell Snooki Wooki that Vinny will never be with her. Hey, Vin's a great guy, but at the end of the day, he can bang better looking bitches than Snooki. Did anyone notice how she was hating on Vinny the next day for talking to some apparent "grenades" at Karma? Bitch, have you looked in the mirror? You are like a grenade that went off...TWICE. Look, I'm not Brad fucking Pitt but I ain't ugly and I'm sure no fucking grenade. I may have jumped on a few in my time, but man, Snooki, get a clue bitch. The only thing Vinny cares about is your vagina when his penis is lonely. If he really cared about you, the dude wouldn't be bringing bitches home and thinking of you as the 2nd fiddle. But who am I? I'm just a dude that watches this shit with his hand down his pants sipping on a glass of wine. 


She's baaaaaaaack:
I'm officially scared of Israeli's. Thanks to that crazy bitch Danielle. You remember her right? Pauly D's stalker from over a year ago? To all those crazy bitches out there...please note that "stalking" can in fact mean, hiding in a dark corner of a club while staring at the friend of the guy you're stalking, then trying to play it off as if you didn't know they were there. Sorry if what I just wrote sounded like a goddamn riddle. Basically, all I'm saying is that anyone who follows a mother fucker into a club and just stares them down from a distance is straight up, fucking crazy. Like Fatal Attraction/Crush crazy. Like, I'm gonna kill any bitch that talks to you crazy. Like, I want to have your children, so I will take your condom out from the trash can, steal your semen and inject it in my vagina, crazy. Yeah, this bitch is that fucking crazy. Just watching that 10 seconds of her at the club staring at Vinny gave me the fucking chills. What is it with some women? At least the fucking crazy ones? Fuck.


Grenade Landfill:
How hoppin' was Aztec the night M.V.P. decided to make an appearance? It wasn't. The fucking place was so goddamn miserable that the only way I can describe this part of the show is quoting what the fellas had to say.

Pauly D: 
"Holy Shit! Look out everybody...the biggest chick I've ever seen is trying to hook up with me. Holy Shit! Aztec is full of warriors, but this warrior takes the cake. This is the mother of all warriors. This woman is not a grenade, this woman is an atomic bomb about to blow up. If this lady blows up, there will be no more Aztec. There will be no more boardwalk."

"The Situation":
"When you deal with a bunch of grenades, it's like you're dealing with the best ugly chick."

No need to dive into this any longer. It's pretty clear that none of you guys want to read about some shit that might make you throw up in your mouth. You're welcome. 


Connie is WASTED:
Wait one goddamn second. Ronni, your mom's name is Connie? Are you fucking serious bro?! Excuse me while I piss myself full of fucking laughter. Wow man...is Dr. Fucking Seuss your dad? I mean, if the mother and son name rhyming wasn't bad enough, it looks like good 'ol Con-Con gets just as drunk as you do too. How many times could one mother call a house, looking for her crazy, jealous son, while sounding more and more like a raging alcoholic? Once. Twice. Try all goddamn day long. That's right. While Ron-Ron took Sammi to the doctor's to get the cum out of her eyes, Ronni's mom, Connie, called the Seaside house every 20 minutes. Fucking WASTED. Not making any fucking sense either. Calling her son out for fucking with grenades in Miami while being with Sam. Talking about her hair or some shit like that. But hey, she's just looking out for what's best for her son right? Even when wasted. Such a good mom.


To Arvin, Or Not to Arvin:
So what's the real story folks? Is Sammi friends with Arvin? Is he a rebound? What the fuck is going on? As all of you know, the subject hasn't died in the Seaside house. Matter of fact, the shit has actually escalated. Thanks to Mr. Instigator himself, mother fuckin' Mike. But can you blame the guy? We all know "The Situation" is a fucking jerkoff but at the end of the day, the guy holds the key to Ronni possibly killing Sammi off the show...but for fucking real this time. I know America is smiling from ear to fucking ear too, hoping some real shit goes down. I'm talking, "48 Hours Murder Mystery" shit. Ok, maybe not that extreme but would any of you be surprised if mother fuckers die next week? Thought so.

Something's going down. It may be Ronni punching Sammi in the goddamn face. Hell, it may be Sammi shanking Ron-Ron "American Me" style. All I know is that when Arvin told Gorilla Ronni (on the phone) that his tongue definitely touched Sammi's tonsil's, that was all the fuel needed for Roid Rager to want to choke a bitch.


That's where it ended, and I hope that's where it begins this week. Two episodes left and I pray to the Reality Television Gods that 1) Snooki OD's on bronzer, 2) Deena has sex, 3) M.V.P. has their first ever gang-bang together (not with each other because that would be really fucking weird), 4) JWOWW's titties explode, 5) Ronni cries but cries blood...while Sammi tries to hang herself with a big ass thing of red rope licorice. It may be far fetched but a mother fucker can dream, right?

Stay tuned because it HAS to be a good one!

J-Wunder's Jersey Shore Review

In this episode....

Mike's Shitty Master Plan:
What does one do if all the roommates are out for the day and they find themselves alone with two dogs? That's easy...take the dogs out from their gated corner, then feed them endless amounts of chips, pizza, peanut butter and fluff...then watch them wreck the fucking house like it's open season on the goddamn toilet. Man, I have never seen so much shit come out of two little annoying ass dogs...IN.MY.LIFE. Every goddamn second, you saw the dogs taking a fucking shit. EVERYWHERE.

Shitting in the living room, the bedroom, the hallway...in the fucking kitchen. Guys, the dogs took a shit in the fucking kitchen for crying out loud. The mother fucking kitchen, people. They had shits longer than their goddamn bodies, man. But Mike being Mike though, had a master plan. What exactly that plan was, is well over my fucking head, because I'm confused as to why one mother fucker that lives in a house with other people, would let two dogs just shit and piss everywhere...knowing that his ass lives there too. Yeah, they shit in a few bedrooms and hallways, but dude, they shit in your fucking kitchen and living room. On the mother fucking floor and carpet. The very same fucking floor and carpet that you walk around bare foot. That's fucking sick bro and it ain't right. But I ain't gonna lie, I got a good laugh watching this shit storm take over the Seaside house...but for fuck's sake, did you have to let them take a shit everywhere? 1-2 places, cool. But 10? Fuck that shit. You are one dude I would hate to piss off. I'm dead serious. The ideas in that big ass head of yours are fucking scary man. No joke.


Assumption is the Mother of All Fuck-Ups:
How do you avoid someone when you have been caught red-handed? Do the dip. What's the "Dip" you ask? The "Dip" is defined as: Running from someone you are "involved" with when you know you have been caught (with someone else) hoping they didn't see you "in the act".

This is what JWOWW thought her man Roger was doing and left a pretty mean message on his cell phone to plant the seed. Then, by the grace of the tanning gods, she realized he couldn't have been with another broad. Why? Because her big titty ass remembered he was rushing to get his hair did at the time she thought she saw him (or some shit like that). Hey JWOWW, <open mouth, insert foot> bitch. The dude is a good guy from what America knows so far, don't fuck up a good thing by going all "Fatal Attraction" and shit. No mother fucker wants to see that. We already see enough with Ronni and Sammi.

Which brings me to the MAIN EVENT folks...


Sonofabitch, they're BACK AT IT! Wait, they're not? Wait, what's happening?! WTF?!:
What the fucking fuck people?! Did you mother fuckers see what I saw? Sammi, you said you're confused?! Get fucked you dumb bitch. You know what I'm confused about? How your sorry ass is back in that goddamn house. "I've changed. You've changed." What the fuck?! Hey mother fucker, hasn't it been like 2 1/2 weeks that you two cunts have been apart? All of the sudden, all is well?! You're both stronger? You have both matured like a fucking...a fucking...whatever the fuck that matures in a mature way? For fuck's sake goddamnit, why is MTV doing this to us? I mean, Sammi thought a fucking penguin was a goddamn mammal for crying out loud. That should tell America the bitch isn't too bright...about ANYTHING. I was blown away when I saw Ron-Ron and Sammi "The Twat" try to rekindle the relationship that had all the bad writing on the walls. Well, until we came back from a goddamn commercial break. Shit just got really fucking REAL...

"The Sweetest Bitch You Ever Met. Sammi...caught you. You sneaky bitch." Well said, Mike.

Sammi, Sammi, Sammi. Shame on you young lady. You don't text anybody? Then why so defensive if you don't text anybody sweetheart? Everything was going so well with you and Gorilla Ronni then Mike runs into his buddy, Arvin. Before I go any further with my insight, who the fuck would name their goddamn kid Arvin? Jesus people, stop trying to be cool and think you're doing your kid a favor by naming him some shit that sounds like a goddamn Erectile Dysfunction pill. Arvin? Hey, why don't you just name the fucking guy Oscar Meyer Weiner while you're at it. Dumb fucks. Anyway...

Arvin tells Mike, Sammi is spittin' game at him. Mike tells his housemates and shows them the very text from Arvin's phone. Now, World War Fucking XVI is about to begin...

<cue WWXVI music>

You know what's funny when people get caught red-handed? They tend to blame other people...AND they LOVE to bring in other people...as if those people will help them dig themselves out of the ditch. "Sam is definitely playing Ron out. Ron's calling for roses, crying on my shoulder...listening to Michael Bolton. And she's texting other dudes." Well said again, Mike. Call Mike a hater, troublemaker, instigator, whatever...the fact of the matter is, Sammi got fucking caught. It's a small, small world bitch, I thought you knew?

"If this relationship continues, I'll kill myself. I swear, I'll kill myself." When Pauly D says some shit like this, you know shit has gone fucking haywire. I mean, the mother fucker would probably really kill himself because Ron-Ron and Sammi are so fucked up in the head, that it's making the poor guy depressed. Just like the rest of America. These two fucking individuals remind me of every bad season of The Real World. It's so bad, that it keeps you entertained, even though you wish each of those mother fuckers would either choke on something or get hit by a fucking double decker bus. Let the truth be fucking told.

Highlight of the night:
G.T.F - Gym, Tanning, Find out who Sammi is texting behind Ronni's back.

G.T.I. - Gym, Tanning, I'm not buying it. 

One word: Hilarious. Pauly D right now is one of my favorite dudes. The mother fucker just sits back and gets front row seats to all the drama that ensues. Hi-five mother fucker! 

So before we end this discussion with Cunt-ilingus Sammi and Twatty face Ronni, I have one question. Arvin? Really? You texted a fucking dude named Arvin? Like Marvin but without the "M"? Similar to Arby's but spelled A-R-V-I-N? I know names shouldn't determine the person you date but damn, I think I would laugh everytime one of my friends said, "Hey, this is my boyfriend, Arvin." Arvin the fucking Erectile Dysfunction pill. Wow. I must be drunk because I am highly entertained by this right now.

The drama is getting intense. Tempers are flaring. And I am almost certain of one thing...Ronni kills Sammi in the next episode. Call it fucked up thinking but guys...c'mon. Would it surprise you if you see a dead body floating in the ocean in the next episode????

Until next week...

J-Wunder's Jersey Shore Review

Episode 9 (or is it 10) was pretty interesting. Fuck the bullshit intro. Lets go to the mother fucking play-by-play, shall we? Oh, and you're welcome. Check it...


She's BAAAAACCCKKK:
Awkward moments are never fun. Especially when you think someone that left was never coming back...then fucking ends up coming back. Fuck goddamnit, we were wrong people. America knew that Ron-Ron was just beginning to find himself too. We were starting to see glimpses of the old Ronni. Looks like those plans have changed huh, mother fucker?! Surprise!!! Cunt face Sammi is back and apparently, "better than ever"! Somebody fucking throw me off a buiding...I'll stand on the ledge to make it easier for ya.

First off, bitch, you were gone for like what...2 weeks? All of the sudden, you are this NEW person. Get the fuck out of here with that shit. Secondly, all this, "I'm a strong woman" bullshit, just needs to stop. America ain't fucking stupid and we all know that you are weak and will go back to Ronni, sooner than later. You may act like you don't give a shit now, but I'm betting the goddamn house that you will be fucking that dude in the next episode...reverse cowgirl style too. You know, it's chicks like you that need help. I'm not saying Ronni is a saint because that mother fucker is crazy and delusional. I mean, I've never seen a guy go from breaking shit that wasn't his, to crying like a goddamn baby in a matter of 15 fucking minutes. I do have to say though, when Sammi entered the house, the look on Ronni's face was fucking priceless. It was as if he went to the doctor's office and found out he got AIDS from fucking one too many grenades with no condom. Aaaah, the look of disappoint and fear is one to always cherish. 

From the man himself, "The Situation," I quote: "Looks like it's back to the old Sam and Ron saga..."

You're telling me mother fucker.  


Give it Up Ronni:
"You look beautiful tonight." "I don't wanna like, smother you."

The attempt to hand hold. Leaving the club before it even gets poppin'. Waiting by the door for Sammi to arrive. Ronni, I have one word for you bro: Pussy. You my friend need to sack the fuck up, drink some milk and show this bitch that she's exactly that...a bitch. Hey man, the world knows you are fucked up in the head. Not Charlie Sheen fucked up, but damn near close. So why are you confirming the fact that you are also a fucking vagina? And not a nice waxed vagina either. But a smelly, hairy, lonely and angry vagina.

Ron-Ron, do you know about 45% of people like you, kill bitches like Sammi? When I say kill, I mean, like you stab or choke a bitch out of love. And do you know why? Because you're fucking crazy bro and obsessed. You think that "love" is arguing. Breaking shit. Making people's beds out on balcony's. Crying uncontrollably while looking like you might take a knife and stab an innocent bystander walking by. Calling a girl a cunt then saying, "I love you so much baby." 45% of people are like you. 100% fucking crazy bro. I don't know what you're up to and why you want Sammi back but, for whatever the case, just know that the next big argument that ensues, I hope someone gets stabbed. Not seriously stabbed, but enough to warrant a hospital visit and maybe some questioning by the Jersey Shore Police Department.

Quit being a bitch, sack the fuck up and start being a man. You big ass pussy.


Who drank the Haterade?:
Let me give you a hint...she's overly tanned, stature of an Ewok, loves anything that smells like food and has a vagina the size of a honey dew melon. Can you guess who? You guessed it right...the Snookster!

One thing I can't fucking stand...it's a goddamn hater. Especially a hater that is not only a LUSH, but a SLUT too. That's possibly the worst fucking hater combo known to man. Hey Snooks, how is banging dudes while hating on your big dick of a roommate necessary? I mean, the dude made it perfectly clear weeks ago, that he ain't trying to fuck you if you're gonna be a hater if he wants to bang other broads. You may hate the fact that Vinny said it, but he was honest. And how could you possibly hate a dude like that, right? Oh that's right, you hate because your vagina's lonely. I guess I would hate too considering your success rate of asking dudes to bone you is a measly 12%. Ouch.

And what is this shit with Sammi, manly ass Deena and JWOWW trying to confide in Snooks? You fucking serious ladies? Hey, do me a favor...stay the fuck out of it. Don't try to give Vinny a guilt trip for something he can't control...and that's an emotional wreck named S-N-O-O-K-I. Especially you Sammi. You little bitch. Trying to talk like you're a goddamn love expert. You're the last person, anyone should listen to. If anything, you need experience what real dick taste like before you open your fucking mouth. Cunt.

Damn, I was a little angry there, huh? Who cares. Sammi's a bitch.


The Hi-Five:
Did anyone see Pauley D hi-five that chick he banged goodbye? He gave her a serious and awkward hi-five. Just one. One hi-five. Not a hug. Not a kiss. Not even an awkward hug where your ass is really pointed out and your back is stiff as a board. But a hi-five. Like the shit you give dudes for making a three-point play. What chicks give one another when they make a "kill" in volleyball. A hi-five? Shit, he got laid so I guess a hi-five is cool. But damn, that's like kissing your cousin when you see them. Not on the lips or anything. Unless you're into that.


The Broken Toilet:
I don't want to get into specific details, because when I think about it, I just end up throwing up in my fucking mouth and honestly, that shit ain't fucking cool. Just know that when a plumber sees what your toilet looks like and is scared shitless of it, then you know shit is fucking REALLY BAD.

They finally got that fucking toilet fixed after weeks of someones shit just hanging out and marinating like it was a fucking steak. Congrats you lazy, dirty, fucks! Man, I need to go and throw the fuck up now.


Karma (not the club) fucking sucks:
Cheese spreads are awesome and taste delightfully delicious. But not so fucking awesome and delicious when that shit resides in between the sheets of your bed. Without you knowing. AND while you're about to bang a broad you just brought home. One word: Karma. Four words: Sucks to be you. It was only a matter of time until some of the roommates got payback on Mr. Mike. Was it justified? What the fuck does it matter, the shit was hilarious. I mean, putting a shit load of cheese in someone's bed that you know won't wash them (EVER) is pretty clever. I'm just wondering how long it's gonna take Mike to realize that it wasn't the broad that smelled like gouda, but the shit he's sleeping on top of. Which reminds me...how is it that Mike didn't know that you could get an STD from someone giving you head? For a guy that has "fucked a lot" of chicks, you would think he would be the expert on the consequences of hooking up with multiple broads.

Fun fact of the day: A woman with a yeast infection could in fact, smell like cheese. That is pretty fucking disgusting. Wow. I really just said that, huh? I guess if you were hungry for something cheesy, it's never a bad thing to ask the chick you're boning. I mean, how often do chicks get yeast build-up between their legs? Once a month? Maybe twice? Ooookkkk...this is awkward...

What's in store for next week folks? Do Sammi and Ronni get back together? Does Vinny stick his dick back into that Fondu Bronzer of a Fountain that is Snooki? Is Deena going to get laid or will she look more and more like a man as each episode passes? America wants drama, comedy and drunken chaos. We are due for something folks. I can fucking feel it.

J-Wunder's Jersey Shore Review

I don't even need to say anything about Episode 7.  Just read what the fuck I wrote and that should be enough.  Ronni and Sammi just need to both fucking die already.  I'm dead serious too.  Crazy mother fuckers.

A Serious Situation:
What's that?  Mike's stirring up shit?  What else is new right?  Be friends with Ronni to his face, then console crazy Cunt Sammi (yes, I said cunt once again) when she's down in the dumps.  You almost want to hate "The Situation" for pulling a "Captain Save a Ho," but why?  The dude is just looking to be known as the Peacemaker.  No harm, no foul.  Shit just ain't right when you try to pull that stunt when Twat Face Ronni (yes, I said twat...that makes it two weeks in a row) is in the other room probably thinking of ways to kill you in your sleep.  Ronni's one of those cats that is definitely bi-polar.  This dude is worse than 10 woman locked in one room with their period.  I wouldn't fucking lie about shit like this.  I know Mike means well and is just looking out for everybody but, you keep this shit up, your ass will be on a goddamn fucking milk carton my friend.     

The High Road:
Looks like playing the good guy didn't pay off for Mike.  Or did it?  Ronni's period cramps shot through the fucking roof over this Sammi thing, and it was time to use Mike's face as a goddamn punching bag.  Ronni was ready to fuck shit up, but "The Situation" avoided an ass kicking by taking the high road and talking shit out.  And for what it's worth, Mike is good at avoiding shit like this.  You know, talking yourself out of getting your fucking ass kicked by a 200+ lb. buff wolverine that has taken the term "bi-polar" to new levels?  Yeah, that type of avoidance.  Kudos to the guy for admitting he fucked up and actually ending things on a good note.  However, we all know that America was anticipating some shit to go down and a very ugly scene to unfold.  Looks like Ronni will have to wait patiently to show how much he hates being on his period again.  Man, that dude is such a fucking twat face.  

DAMN...AGAIN?!:
You guys wanna know what a really fucked up relationship sounds like?  See below. 

"You do you, I'll do me?"  "Cry some more tears, Niagra Falls!"  "Watch the way you talk to me!" "Fuck you, you douche bag!"  "I got the smush room tonight, I'm fucking some broad."  "I'm over it." "I'm over you bitch."  "Please, go live your life."  "Fuck you, you fucking fuck!"  "Don't ever touch my shit!"  "I hate you!!"  "I want nothing to do with you."  "I'll put your shit on fire, bitch!!"  "I hate you more than I've ever hated anyone in my entire life!"  "Stop you psycho!!!!!"  "Stay away from me you fucking psycho!!!!!!"  "I hate you. I hate you. I hate you."  "I'm gonna fuck the shit out of you, bitch!!"  "Get the fuck out of here you fucking bitch!"  "Good, because I've never liked you."  "That's why I cheated on you in Miami."  "You useless whore!!"  "I got girls cooking me dinner bitch."  "Useless spoiled bitch!!"  "You don't deserve me."  "I hate you!!  Fuck you!!"  "Fuck this bitch."  "You put your hands on me? You put your hands on me?  I'll fucking show you."  "Sleep on the porch."  "Bitch. Bitch. Fucking bitch."  "You're a slut."  "Stupid bitch."  "All my stuff is ruined."  "You did me wrong tonight."  "You fucking disrespected me in my face."  "This is not okay."  "You embarrassed ME tonight."  "No, you embarrassed ME tonight."  "Enough is enough."  "What are you looking for?"  "Get the fuck out of my face."  "You can dance with a guy in front of me like that?"  "You fucking idiot."  "You're a piece of shit."  "At least I had some fucking respect to do it when I'm not around."  "That's not fucking love." "You disgust me in so many ways."
 
After reading that, you probably asked yourself, 1) Damn, did I just get a goddamn headache?, 2) Do people actually fucking talk like that to one another?, 3) Did I just read "fuck you," "bitch" and "I hate you" every other word?

My answer - YES, YES you did!

Note to self: If you want to completely fail in any relationship, use words such as, "fuck you", "bitch", "I hate you" and "slut" several times in a 12 hour period to the person you're dating.  I'm pretty sure you'll succeed.

Dear Ronni, Seek Help:
"That's a break-up right there."  Damn straight Mike.  Damn fucking straight that's a break-up.

I don't know about anybody else but, if I lived in a house and watched a muscle shark guido single-handedly go ape shit on his girlfriends belongings, the first thing I would probably say to myself is, "That mother fucker is crazy and needs some goddamn help.  His ass probably needs to find God too."

Hey man, this fucking dude is seriously goddamn crazy.  I thought that bitch Sammi was crazy...nah, this mother fucker takes the goddamn cake of craziness.  I mean, who the fuck does that?  Who goes Tazmanian fucking Devil on someones shit and thinks it's ok?  That's right...crazy mother fuckers like Ronni do.  I get the dude was angry but fuck man...you put this bitches bedroom outside.  LITERALLY.  You also broke shit.  Even the crazy broads reading glasses.  Ronni, you were angry enough to break the bitches reading glasses.  Reading glasses bro.  You went out of your way to break the shit that makes her able to read shit.  Wow.  You are one of a kind you crazy bastard.  I would call you a twat again but that's being way too fucking nice.  You are one of those dudes that should be put in your own sane asylum.  And when I say "your own," I mean just you mother fucker.  No one else around you.  That's how fucking crazy you are.  You give fucking adults nightmares.  Sick son of a bitch!   

J....WOWW:
One word: SLUT.  Two words: Hard-ON. Three words: Thank you, woman.

Snooki and Deena's Observation:
Looks like the first male camel toe has been discovered by who else?  Snooki and Deena.  I'm glad MTV turned the camera's away from Cunt and Twat Spice for 2 minutes and focused their attention on someone else.  Who better than Snooki and Deena.  Oh, and that tool bag with the tight ass neon green shorts with a little dick.  Talk about uncomfortable.  Dude basically got called the fuck out for having a man camel toe and a cock the size of a goddamn infant.  That shit was harsh but funny as fuck.  Talk about your manhood being taken away from you.  If I was that dude, I would seriously go home and kill myself.  Tight, neon green shorts with a side of male camel toe is no way to fucking live.  That whole "cool, retro look" bullshit you just tried to pull...BACKFIRED, miserably. Big ups to Dooki (Deena and Snooki...you like that, huh)!

"You're leaving? What did I do?":
You fucking serious you bi-polar carpet muncher?  You actually asked Sammi, what you did and why she's leaving?  On top of that, you wanted to give this crazy bitch a hug?  Wait, what the fuck is going on here?  Guys, seeing the end of this episode solidifies that Ron-Ron is in fact, a CRAZY MOTHER FUCKER! I thought I dated some crazy bitches in my lifetime but you my friend, are just goddamn crazy bro.  You do realize you and Sammi don't get along until something over the top happens, right?  Not to mention your open dialogue usually contain, but are not limited to, "fuck you", "bitch", "slut", "cunt", "asshole", "whore"...should I keep going?  Hey dick fuck, you went out of your way to basically break and damage everything this broad owns in a matter of an hour.  Even her reading glasses.  That shit is just low bro.  You actually have the fucking nerve asking her, "What did I do?"  Wow.  Check that fucking brain of yours because it functions like a goddamn retarded, autistic serial killer.  Real talk.

Is this the end of Ron-Ron and Sammi Spice?  America hopes so.  I just hope I get to see some different shit.  Ain't no one trying to watch this shit every week.  We do that, we all might end up breaking shit, pushing people down stair wells and stabbing mother fuckers "on accident".  You feel me?  Yeah, more of everybody else...less of the two head cases.