What You Said vs What You Meant

When it comes to posting shit on social networks like Facebook or texting someone, what we want to say doesn't necessarily come out the way we would like it to. Call it being shy or just a straight up fucking pussy, the truth is, there are usually hidden messages when it comes down to it. 100% of us are guilty of these crimes so without further adieu, enjoy a little "What you said vs. What you meant".


Facebook:

"Why me?"
Translation: Someone please ask me what the fuck is wrong because I want attention. BADLY.

#yummy (when posting a food pic)
Translation: I'll eat what I fucking want.

"Date night!"
Translation: Fuck off single friends!

"Why are men/women so difficult?"
Translation: Bitch, you crazy!!!

"Bored."
Translation: Face to face interaction is not my thing. Internet friends please entertain me.

"I don’t always (fill in the blank)"
Translation: I’m in denial that I ALWAYS do (fill in the blank)

"Love my life <3"
Translation: I’m going through some depressing shit, but my therapist said I need to be positive.

"BAE caught me slippin’"
Translation: I took this selfie and don’t want to admit I’m really alone.

"Vegas baby!"
Translation: WARNING!!! I am going to post way too many drunk pics and might catch an STD tonight. Goodbye dignity!

"Wow"
Translation: I’m gonna wait until 10 people ask what’s going on until I respond. Pitty party in 3...2..1…

"Gym time/Beast mode"
Translation: Workouts don’t count unless I notify the internet.



Texting:

"LOL or LMAO"
Translation: That shit was not even remotely funny.

"K"
Translation: Leave me the fuck alone.

"I’m around the corner."
Translation: I haven’t left my house.

"Wanna grab a drink?"
Translation: I need to get fucked up and forget about my life.

"Heyyy"
Translation: Wanna fuck?

"Let’s catch up sometime"
Translation: I have no intention of seeing you any time soon

"Wow"
Translation: That was not interesting at all, so shut the fuck up.

Brilliant Move of the Day

The Phone Conversation

"If I teach you how to power nap, then you have to teach me how to play chess...and you know what kind I'm talking about. Mmm mmm babe."

"You were so cute at Panda Express yesterday. It just made me want to eat from your mouth."

"I feel like I know a lot about you, but I want to know everything. Babe, c'mon. Babe, I promise, I wouldn't judge you for your past."

"My mom is a little hesitant about meeting you. She thinks you might be gay b/c I told her you wore girl clothes up to when you were 7."

"As much as I love it, please no texting with the words, I love you, girlfriend or babe. I love texting you but we should keep it cool babe. K, babe. Thanks babe."

Right as my IPOD dies out on me, this is some of the conversation I overheard from the chick standing next to me. Where does my flustered ass begin?

For starters, you have said the word "babe" 90 fucking times in 30 seconds. Secondly, the whole Panda Express thing? What the fuck? And what's up with this special game of "chess"? Uh, I'm thinking he's gonna put his Rook in your va-jay jay later?

FYI sweetheart, your so-called "boyfriend"...dude is gay. I got nothing against gay people b/c I have friends and relatives that are part of the gay community. I mean, dude was wearing girl clothes til he was 7. AND, you're hiding him from your parents? Please...I call what you have, DENIAL.

What else? Shit, I don't even know what to say b/c I'm still trying to listen to your conversation as I type this shit out. Do me a huge favor, don't convince yourself you like this guy. Seriously. Please. I'll pay you. Give you the keys to my car. Find you a guy on match.com.

Seriously.