Today is a special day folks. Wanna know why? Because I'm actually writing something that might be worth sharing. Have a seat, take a load off and enjoy the knowledge I'm about to bust in this bitch.
What the fuck happened to men and women these days? Why have relationships, dating, flirting, fucking and the like gone to complete fucking shit?
Some men have lost respect for women and some women have lost respect for men. Together, y'all mother fuckers have lost respect for yourselves.
Whatever happened to a guy opening a door for a broad? Or a broad liking a dude for who the fuck he is and not what kind of car he drives or how fat his wallet is? Why is it that nowadays, mother fuckers don't talk? Rather, they text or Facebook the fuck out of each other? Did people go silent on the other end because "that's how it's done"? Says who?
Why do people want to be in relationships but have trust issues? Why has "friends with benefits" or "fuck buddies" become so goddamn complicated?
WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?
People, this shit ain't rocket science.
We live in a world that assumes shit and lives by what the "norm" is. But what the fuck is the "norm" exactly? I have no fucking clue. But here's what I do know...
1) We need to go back to the days where men were more chivalrous to women. Open a door for a broad. Compliment the fuck out of her. Appreciate her like you would your own fucking mom. If you think you are making the panties drop now, wait til you actually act like a goddamn gentleman.
2) Women need to chill the fuck out. You realize it's not all about you, right? Conversations are a two-way street and if we wanted shit to be one-sided, we'd stay single. FOREVER.
3) Y'all mother fuckers need to talk. As in "real conversation" with your mouths. I get that text is easy and fast. But when mother fuckers are getting asked out on dates, breaking up, and having hour long conversations via a goddamn keyboard, you need to realize that all that genuine shit you've been looking for has been thrown out the fucking window and is lost. You ain't deaf, so dial some goddamn numbers, put your phone to your ear and speak words. Do that, and you might not get so caught up on "what does this text mean"?
4) Facebook ain't that important. Who gives a shit what other people are doing? If you ain't with your friends who are posting every 5 minutes, what does that tell you? Probably tells you that you need to do something more than just troll their page and pay attention to the person who you are actually with. You know why there is so much drama amongst people these days? That's right...mother fucking FACEBOOK. Who would have thought the #1 Social Networking site causes drama amongst friends, family and acquaintances. RELATIONSHIP, FRIENDSHIP, FUCK BUDDY KILLER. Real talk.
5) Stop being in such a hurry. The older you get the faster it goes. And then, it's gone. Appreciate what you have instead of always looking for the "Bigger Better Deal." AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!!!!
6) Get the fuck over yourself. Seriously. It's one thing to have self-confidence, it is another thing to be an arrogant asshole or Cuntface McGee. Maybe your mommy and daddy told you that you are the brightest, smartest, most fan-fuckingtastical, magical unicorn on the planet, but guess what? YOU ARE NOT. Live your life and be proud of who you are, but don't be so caught up in trying to be this self-inflated, egotistical douche-bag that you forget how to be a human. Treat people the way you want to be treated and not like they are disposable. If you keep throwing people away because you think you are such hot shit and can do better you are going to end up alone and lonely. No one will feel sorry for your ass.
7) Stop looking so deep into things. Wanna know how to ruin a good thing? Assume shit. Make shit up. Convince yourself that you're being played for a fool. GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT. The past is the past and we ALL have them. Good or bad. People fuck up. People make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. If you want to live in a time that you can never get back, good fucking luck. Folks who live in this world to make others lives miserable are one thing - ASSHOLES. If you're being put on a pedestal it's not because someone is up to something, it's probably because you fucking deserve it. If you finally found someone good, then treat them like they are the mother fucking world. Don't get all suspicious because you're insecure. Fuck you and your insecurities, greedy fuck. Keep that stupid shit up and you'll be back to where you started. Angry, alone, and wondering why you can't hold a relationship together.
8) Stop making excuses. We all make them. From relationships to dating to just banging a guy or gal, we all try to justify why the fuck we do what we do and why we choose to be involved in them. If you're miserable and aren't happy but try to use every excuse why you should stick around then what you need to do is go find a bridge and jump off that mother fucker right now. Think like a person who deserves the good in life. You think people want to hear why you're so fucking miserable? Fuck no and fuck that. Don't know why all your dates go bad or trying to figure out what "such and such" means? How bout you go to the source and ask a mother fucker so you don't sit there and drive yourself crazy while losing sleep, drinking yourself to death and watching re-runs of Ricki fucking Lake. Banging someone but need help on the situation because you don't know what to do? Don't even get me fucking started.
9) And when you are done making excuses, get some accountability. This world owes you nothing and you get back what you put in. Not everything is everyone elses fault, so stop blaming everyone and everything for what is bothering you. Suck it up buttercup and get it fucking done. And if you fuck up, which we all do because we are human, say you are sorry and try to fix it. Don't just walk away from it or ignore it because you think it will go away. It will only get worse and when it blows up in your face it won't be like fucking sparklers on the 4th of July. That shit will be like Hiroshima, bitch. BOOM!
10) Just go with it. When you learn to let go of all that bullshit, the stuff above will start making sense. Stop trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. And no, you sick fucks, that is not a sex euphemism. You know the saying, "Good things happen to those who wait?" The reason is not because they are better than you, or smarter than you, or better looking than you. The reason is because they used patience and finesse and instead of trying to force fuck the situation, they waited for the situation to hop on them and go reverse cowgirl. THAT was a sex euphemism.
11) Earn your keep. We all envision wanting to be with someone who has or is "X" and "Y". Whether it be success or money or education, we all have high standards...in our minds. Well do society a fucking favor and instead of wishing what the fuck you want in a person, how bout you go out and do that shit yourself first. You want a man/woman who is educated and well-spoken? Before you jump on that train, make sure you know how to speak yourself and don't sound like a complete dumb shit. Sure you may want the eloquent and intellectual type but if you can't figure out the difference between "there" and "their," consider yourself fucked. If it's money you want as well, I suggest instead of being a fucking gold digger, go find a job and earn some cash. Ain't no one trying to spoil you. This is the 21st Century...mother fuckers are broke these days. Stay at home moms earn their keep by providing a home for their families unlike people who sit on welfare like it's a job and think they're all "bout it, bout it" because they have the newest Chanel purse or them fresh ass Jordan's. You know what? Go fuck yourself check collectors. Ain't no one trying to hear that let alone drink that Kool-Aid you're serving. The bottom line: No one can take you where you want to be, only YOU can do that.
11 simple things that make more of a difference than one would think. Now imagine if the people with these problems actually acted on them? Wouldn't that be a sight to fucking see.
Until next time America...