PSA: A Tale Of Two Crazies

Without a shadow of a doubt, there are always two sides to every story. ALWAYS.

Now, here at Ghetto Genius, we get hundreds, if not thousands of emails from people all over the world looking for advice. When we get those emails, we find one thing in common with all of them.

IT'S THEIR TAKE ON THE SITUATION.

98.938393% of emails we get NEVER have the other side of the story. Why would someone do that, right? I mean, we all want to look like the saint. The one who isn't so fucked up with major issues.

As bloggers, it's our job to take what is put in front of us, whisper to ourselves, "Damn, these motherfuckers are way more fucked up than me," and give advice based on what is presented in the email, our experience if we possibly have been through that same type of situation and what we would do if we were that person writing in. Sometimes shit gets off point and we just go on tirades. Motherfuckers just need to get over it. That's the card you're sometimes dealt with.

Today, I want the dedicated fans, the followers, the newbies and the Ghetto Genius blog lovers to know that when you write in asking for advice, it's NEVER a two way street. Sure there are always two sides to every story, but when you one provide one, EVERYONE, including yours truly, is going to judge the fuck out of YOU or the person you're bitching about.

I'm gonna give you a perfect example:

About two months ago, a chick wrote in needing help. Apparently, her boyfriend of 3 years, who she has two beautiful kids with, is fucking up her universe. Like most couples, they argue, HOWEVER, they NEVER come to a resolution. She craves space, he wants to be connected to the hip. He works and provides for the family. She slaves at home with the kids all day. He wants to spend time with her at home, but when they're together, he's usually playing video games or watching tv. She wants to spend time with her friends. He's jealous and a control freak. She isn't about this life anymore. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…

That's just the Cliff's Notes version, people.

Reading this, it became apparent, that this broad was troubled as fuck. A controlling and jealous man not letting you do shit? Man, he must be a motherfucking asshole! What man would do such a thing? By the sounds of your email, you're a goddamn angel that can't spread her wings. Cooking, nurturing, cleaning and slaving all damn day?! That just ain't right. This chick is one female that every GOOD man would want in his life, right?

My girl, H-Bomb, responded and came to the defense of this broad because of course, the person writing in made it sound like she was living in hell with this man and needed some sort of solution. We kept it real and responded with such things like:

"When a man wants you to spend all your time either with him, or taking care of your family, and doesn't want you to have any friends, hobbies, or interests of your own, that is not a not a boyfriend, that is a warden. Did you write this letter from a lady's prison? If so, I am gonna need some Orange is the New Black lesbian love stories, too. Cus that shit is hot. All kidding aside, people in prison actually have more freedom than you. They can have visitors, human interaction, and time to themselves. You have none of those things. See where I am going with this?"

As the world read this, of course, we all felt like this chick was living with some "Sleeping with the Enemy" type motherfucker.  Ain't nobody got time for that!

We say our peace, hoping our advice sticks and move the fuck on. Fast forward to two months later…

I get an email from some dude in serious need of some advice. Been with his gal for 3 years who is still, in fact, married, has two girls with her and another child (from her current marriage) who he treats like his own. Oh, forgot to mention, the 2 kids they have together? With their first son, she faked a home pregnancy test and made him think she was already pregnant. She was not and got pregnant within a few nights after the test.

Dude is the sole provider of the house. While he's at work, his gal is at home watching the kids and doing EVERYTHING!!! She actually bitches to him and says she just doesn't want to take care of the kids anymore. Best part…she just wants to go out and party with her homegirls but that's what bitches in their 20's do. She puts her friends before him, has punched, choked and God knows what else to this cat on a few occasions in addition to getting caught texting her ex while pregnant with their child AND actually tried to sell her panties to folks on good 'ol Craigslist. Should I keep going or do you get the picture? Bottom line, this dude has been through hell with her and after it's all said and done, he's stayed with her and all her fucked up antics.

Talk about a good guy getting fucked over by such an awful person, huh?

I, like I always do, gave this dude advice and basically told this motherfucker to run and take the kids with him. Because if it's that fucking bad and she's that fucked up, why would ANYONE stay with someone like that. Especially when kids are involved. I post my column and send the dude an email to let him know it's posted and good luck because whatever this bitch is doing, ain't right.

Thinking I did some good in the world for some of society's fucked up population, I get an email back from this dude and it said this:

"There's no doubt we are both crazy as fuck. This was just a point to prove that your advice is sound from the perspective of one side. The girl in this story wrote you and you posted as "gone girl gone" basically telling her to get away before I kill her. When being choked, I smacked her off me, so I am no saint. I also burned her shit as she has destroyed my shit too. There are always two sides to a story. So for those who take shit too seriously you should remind the readers every story has just that, two sides. I hope everyone remembers relationships are never just perfect and they take work and sacrifice from both sides. As I say, its a two way road, not a one way street. Take it for what it is. Maybe you post this too, maybe you don't, but if you want to be "real" I would think you would get it up soon."

Now, I don't know what the fuck this guy was thinking. I had to read the email response back like 20 times because what point is there really? Your girl posted two months prior basically making you look like a complete fucking douche while she was Mother fucking Theresa and two months later, you come at me like you're Pope John Paul II and she's the worst cunt in the world.

Hey Sherlock, no shit there's two sides to every fucking story. But when you don't give me and our readers both sides, what the fuck do you think is going to happen? Oh, let's not forget to mention how both of you sad fucks made it look like you weren't the problem. But I go off and give you sound advice and all of the sudden you want to come back with some bullshit how you're fucked up as well?

Brother man, the reality is, you didn't prove any point. The only thing you proved was:

1) You and your gal are both fucked up in the head.

2) You both are fucking crazy.

3) You possibly deserve one another because crazy deserves crazy.

4) You aren't fooling anyone.

5) You both are bad at relationships and probably shouldn't have had kids. Any person who tells you that they don't want to deal with their kids anymore and threatens to overdose on pills, you need to find motherfucker Jesus. Biggest crock of shit I've heard. Keep this up and those little motherfuckers will probably be on Intervention in 10 years.

That was great of both of you to write in on separate occasions painting a very one sided story just to get the answer you wanted to hear, not the truth.

You think this is Jerry fucking Springer?! I bet that's y'alls favorite show though, huh?

If you want truthful advice, especially when you are able to remain anonymous, at least give the whole fucking story. The first step to solving a problem is being able to admit that you had a part in it. Admission is freeing, and if you speak or write what you did, it can make you see yourself in a whole new fucking light. The only light you're seeing is on the tv, amigo. If you aren't fucking happy, do something to change it. Don't just bring others down with you. Two sides to every story. Yeah, funny how you never provided the whole other side, motherfucker.

You do realize in life, it proves nothing if you ask for advice under false pretences and expect to put it to use. That's like the Bride of Chucky trying to use advice given to Cinderella.

AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!!!

Let this be a lesson to everyone - If you're going to write in and ask for advice, then get fucking butt hurt because I was too honest, knowing that you know the other side of the story, it might be good to let me know. Otherwise, shut the fuck up, take the advice for what it is based on what the fuck you told me and move the fuck on.

Ghetto Genius - 1

Dumb fuck - 0

Public Service Announcement: Get It Together

Today is a special day folks. Wanna know why? Because I'm actually writing something that might be worth sharing. Have a seat, take a load off and enjoy the knowledge I'm about to bust in this bitch.

What the fuck happened to men and women these days? Why have relationships, dating, flirting, fucking and the like gone to complete fucking shit?

Some men have lost respect for women and some women have lost respect for men. Together, y'all motherfuckers have lost respect for yourselves.

Whatever happened to a guy opening a door for a broad? Or a broad liking a dude for who the fuck he is and not what kind of car he drives or how fat his wallet is? Why is it that nowadays, motherfuckers don't talk? Rather, they text or Facebook the fuck out of each other? Did people go silent on the other end because "that's how it's done"? Says who?

Why do people want to be in relationships but have trust issues? Why has "friends with benefits" or "fuck buddies" become so goddamn complicated?

WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?

People, this shit ain't rocket science.

We live in a world that assumes shit and lives by what the "norm" is. But what the fuck is the "norm" exactly? I have no fucking clue. But here's what I do know...

1) We need to go back to the days where men were more chivalrous to women. Open a door for a broad. Compliment the fuck out of her. Appreciate her like you would your own fucking mom. If you think you are making the panties drop now, wait til you actually act like a goddamn gentleman.

2) Women need to chill the fuck out. You realize it's not all about you, right? Conversations are a two-way street and if we wanted shit to be one-sided, we'd stay single. FOREVER.

3) Y'all motherfuckers need to talk. As in "real conversation" with your mouths. I get that text is easy and fast. But when motherfuckers are getting asked out on dates, breaking up, and having hour long conversations via a goddamn keyboard, you need to realize that all that genuine shit you've been looking for has been thrown out the fucking window and is lost. You ain't deaf, so dial some goddamn numbers, put your phone to your ear and speak words. Do that, and you might not get so caught up on "what does this text mean"?

4) Facebook ain't that important. Who gives a shit what other people are doing? If you ain't with your friends who are posting every 5 minutes, what does that tell you? Probably tells you that you need to do something more than just troll their page and pay attention to the person who you are actually with. You know why there is so much drama amongst people these days? That's right...motherfucking FACEBOOK. Who would have thought the #1 Social Networking site causes drama amongst friends, family and acquaintances. RELATIONSHIP, FRIENDSHIP, FUCK BUDDY KILLER. Real talk.

5) Stop being in such a hurry. The older you get the faster it goes. And then, it's gone. Appreciate what you have instead of always looking for the "Bigger Better Deal." AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!!!!

6) Get the fuck over yourself. Seriously. It's one thing to have self-confidence, it is another thing to be an arrogant asshole or Cuntface McGee. Maybe your mommy and daddy told you that you are the brightest, smartest, most fan-fuckingtastical, magical unicorn on the planet, but guess what? YOU ARE NOT. Live your life and be proud of who you are, but don't be so caught up in trying to be this self-inflated, egotistical douche-bag that you forget how to be a human. Treat people the way you want to be treated and not like they are disposable. If you keep throwing people away because you think you are such hot shit and can do better you are going to end up alone and lonely. No one will feel sorry for your ass.

7) Stop looking so deep into things. Wanna know how to ruin a good thing? Assume shit. Make shit up. Convince yourself that you're being played for a fool. GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT. The past is the past and we ALL have them. Good or bad. People fuck up. People make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. If you want to live in a time that you can never get back, good fucking luck. Folks who live in this world to make others lives miserable are one thing - ASSHOLES. If you're being put on a pedestal it's not because someone is up to something, it's probably because you fucking deserve it. If you finally found someone good, then treat them like they are the motherfucking world. Don't get all suspicious because you're insecure. Fuck you and your insecurities, greedy fuck. Keep that stupid shit up and you'll be back to where you started. Angry, alone, and wondering why you can't hold a relationship together.

8) Stop making excuses. We all make them. From relationships to dating to just banging a guy or gal, we all try to justify why the fuck we do what we do and why we choose to be involved in them. If you're miserable and aren't happy but try to use every excuse why you should stick around then what you need to do is go find a bridge and jump off that motherfucker right now. Think like a person who deserves the good in life. You think people want to hear why you're so fucking miserable? Fuck no and fuck that. Don't know why all your dates go bad or trying to figure out what "such and such" means? How bout you go to the source and ask a motherfucker so you don't sit there and drive yourself crazy while losing sleep, drinking yourself to death and watching re-runs of Ricki fucking Lake. Banging someone but need help on the situation because you don't know what to do? Don't even get me fucking started.

9) And when you are done making excuses, get some accountability. This world owes you nothing and you get back what you put in. Not everything is everyone elses fault, so stop blaming everyone and everything for what is bothering you. Suck it up buttercup and get it fucking done. And if you fuck up, which we all do because we are human, say you are sorry and try to fix it. Don't just walk away from it or ignore it because you think it will go away. It will only get worse and when it blows up in your face it won't be like fucking sparklers on the 4th of July. That shit will be like Hiroshima, bitch. BOOM!

10) Just go with it. When you learn to let go of all that bullshit, the stuff above will start making sense. Stop trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. And no, you sick fucks, that is not a sex euphemism. You know the saying, "Good things happen to those who wait?" The reason is not because they are better than you, or smarter than you, or better looking than you. The reason is because they used patience and finesse and instead of trying to force fuck the situation, they waited for the situation to hop on them and go reverse cowgirl. THAT was a sex euphemism.

11) Earn your keep. We all envision wanting to be with someone who has or is "X" and "Y". Whether it be success or money or education, we all have high standards...in our minds. Well do society a fucking favor and instead of wishing what the fuck you want in a person, how bout you go out and do that shit yourself first. You want a man/woman who is educated and well-spoken? Before you jump on that train, make sure you know how to speak yourself and don't sound like a complete dumb shit. Sure you may want the eloquent and intellectual type but if you can't figure out the difference between "there" and "their," consider yourself fucked. If it's money you want as well, I suggest instead of being a fucking gold digger, go find a job and earn some cash. Ain't no one trying to spoil you. This is the 21st Century...motherfuckers are broke these days. Stay at home moms earn their keep by providing a home for their families unlike people who sit on welfare like it's a job and think they're all "bout it, bout it" because they have the newest Chanel purse or them fresh ass Jordan's. You know what? Go fuck yourself check collectors. Ain't no one trying to hear that let alone drink that Kool-Aid you're serving. The bottom line: No one can take you where you want to be, only YOU can do that.


11 simple things that make more of a difference than one would think. Now imagine if the people with these problems actually acted on them? Wouldn't that be a sight to fucking see.

Until next time America...