Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Advice Column: The Liar, The Bitch and The Hoe-drobe

Dear Ghetto Almighty Genius,

What the fuck is up with my girl? We've been dating for 3 years and lately, she's been dressing like she's some single bitch on the prowl. She's never dressed like some chick on a hoe-stroll before and I'm confused as to why the fuck she is now!!!

We've had our differences for the last few months and she says I don't appreciate her but bro, I work all fucking day and I'm just trying to get paid and take care of my girl. She says we don't spend enough time together and that I'm always out late when I choose to hangout with my boys instead of her.

I don't know what's going on. She's telling me I'm not into it and I think she's trying to find a new man because of the way she's dressing lately.

What do YOU say? Be honest because maybe I might need a wake-up call if it's me.

Thanks, player.
Bitches Be Trippin'

Dear Bitches Be Trippin',

If I didn't know any better, you sound like you're the one trippin', man.

Chill the fuck out and take some notes, playboy.

First off, for someone who has been dating his girl for 3 years that calls them a "bitch," I'm going to assume you're an asshole already. Angry much?

Secondly, for someone who works all the goddamn time and chooses to spend his free time with his boys rather than his girl, I'd say you're an asshole for that too.

I'm not here to bash on a brother, but really wrote me about this shit?

NEWSFLASH: You a stupid motherfucker, motherfucker.

Did you even read what the fuck you just wrote? Let me give you a second to re-read this shit.

Now, I get how relationships work as well as women because for starters, I've had my fair share of relationships and secondly, I love women...even them crazy bitches. What you need to realize is that while you get all fucking mad about your girl trying to look better than she already looks, here you are bitching like a little twatsicle, hoping I'm going to side with you because you're a dude.


Bro, if I didn't know any better, I'd say your girl is either A) Trying to get your attention because your ass isn't currently giving her any, B) Really is trying to get some ass because you're not giving her any, or C) Doing her own thing because you're doing yours.

FACT: Women are some evil bitches. You fuck around and do some shit like spend less time with them and give them excuses like, "I work all the time because I want to give you a better life," they will find a way to drive you crazy and make you think of some God awful shit. It's reverse psychology at its fucking finest. Real talk.

I can sit here and assume you are still with your girl because its been 3 long years and you're just a lazy motherfucker who is too chicken shit to let her go because she might find that the grass is definitely greener on the other side of Dicksville. I mean, what motherfucking man in his goddamn right fucking mind ignores his girl for his boys, then bitches that she's looking all fly but not take the initiative to capitalize on that and go to town? Only man I know is one who A) Is cheating on his broad, B) Is controlling as shit and wants his gal to sit the fuck at home and be bored while he goes and fucks around, C) Is bored and doesn't even want to deal with the bitch or D) All of the above.

C'mon gotta be a stupid motherfucker if you think for a goddamn second your girl don't know what the fuck is going on. She's a woman for fuck's sake. Bitches key in on shit before shit ever happens. All Jedi-Mind fuckery. That's why I used to date crazy I can learn and study this shit and tell stupid fucks like you what the fuck is going on, playa! Ya heard?!

When you're in a relationship, you have differences. You argue. Some people take that shit to the next level and all of the sudden there's a court date for a domestic violence dispute. That's how shit is. But your situation is different. Your girl says you don't appreciate her and to be honest, I don't think you do. For someone who works all the time and spends his free time with his boys, every motherfucker reading this thinks the same and are probably saying to themselves, "This dude is an asshole." If you appreciated your girl, you'd spend time with her. Actually, your ass would MAKE time for her. So what she's dressing like a bitch on a hoe-stroll. You know what I'd do if I saw that shit? I'd take her to the side, rip off her wardrobe that she probably bought at Wet Seal, pull them panties to the side, eat the living fuck out of her pussy, then fuck her like she was my bitch in prison. Wait, what?

That's how you do shit, son!

While you sit here and cry like a fucking baby, what you should be doing is showing your girl some goddamn love. Sure she might be on the prowl but who you gonna blame? Her for being a cunt or you for being a selfish asshole who got too comfortable in his relationship and forgot how to treat a broad that you so-call "work to take care of"? Shit or get off the fucking pot.

Maybe your girl is dressing the way she is to get your fucking attention. Ever thought of that, slap dick? But maybe she is fucking someone else. I mean, you ain't fucking her so if a bitch is thirsty, she gonna find a trough to drink from. I'm just sayin'.

Sometimes motherfuckers don't want to wait around if you're gonna do your own shit. You are one motherfucker that doesn't know how to prioritize. You need to bitch less, and fuck more. And if you are fucking but not your girl, tell her you're done. Trust me when I say this...she'll probably thank you for it.

Haters to the left,


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This advise is really good, but I must say it's refreshing to read something with correct grammar, punctuation, and use between your and you're. You're a modern day hero telling it like it is.