Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Advice Column: Played Like A Game of Yahtzee

Hi J,

First things first, I wish to remain a anonymous. That being said I have this coworker/former boss that kinda crosses over as a friend. Not a bff but she keeps things interesting at work.  She is dating this dude that is straight up playing her. She's a smart, pretty, and "spiritual" girl. He keeps giving her the line that other that he  wants to divorce his wife but he feels bad for her (the wife) bc she's been through some rough shit with her Dad passing.  He also has a kid that he misses all the time but he works so much and the "wife and kid" live in another state so he doesn't see the kid and it gives him the super sads.  There are so many red flags it would give a mime a period on the spot. I'm at a loss giving advice to someone who knows in their head what's up but follows their 3 ventricle heart instead.  Please advise.

Dear Person Who Wishes To Remain Anonymous,

Look at you trying to put your girl on blast. You shady motherfucker, you. Haha! I got jokes. But still, that's fucked up. Thanks for sending me shit to write about. Ok, enough about pointless bullshit, onto your question at hand.

Tell old is this gal and where the fuck do y'all work? Are you some Forever 21 retail mall motherfuckers or something? The only reason I ask is because this sounds like some Saved By The Bell bullshit. You gotta be a stupid motherfucker to fall for shit like that. I mean, retarded motherfuckers know when someone of this caliber is throwing shade. Know what I'm saying?!

Here's the reality Sweet Tits - it's not your responsibility to give her ANY advice. If anything, what YOU need to do is tell this broad what the fuck is the REAL DEAL...because let's be honest, this bitch is dumb and is one of them broads that falls for lines like, "Is that a keg in your pants, because I'd like to tap that ass," huh? I don't care how smart, pretty or spiritual she is...this chick could be the Dali fucking Lama for all I care and the fact is, she's digging her own grave. Do you think for one goddamn second that this dude is telling any sort of truth? For all we know, he's staying with his wife so he doesn't get fucked on health insurance and have to pay out the ass for filing for divorce and child support. Straight up. Assholes like that do shit like this bc why? Because it's fucking easy and going through all the motions is a pain in the fucking ass.

A while back, I used to feel sorry for people like your co-worker. Then I thought, "Why? Why the fuck should I feel sorry for someone who knows what they are getting into?" And when I say "getting into" I mean this bitch fucking around with a dude who is married and isn't getting divorced any time soon to his wife who lives in another state with their child. What in the holy fuck is that shit about, right? First mistake, getting involved with a dude that is married. Some chicks can deal with it, some go off the motherfucking deep end and then that Fatal Attraction shit begins. Don't act like you don't know, crazy bitches. You know what the fuck y'all are doing. Anyway...

The situation is a double edged sword. She's single and quite honestly, this broad can do whatever the fuck she wants with whomever she fucking wants. Married or not, it's really not her problem. Now, on the topic of her maybe wanting something more than just fucking a guy who made some bullshit vows to another woman...well, the bitch is just delusional if she thinks he's gonna leave his gal. If the dude hasn't done it already, he ain't gonna do it anytime soon. Men are special creatures. We like to stalk prey that is weak. Vulnerable. Easy to target. Kinda sounds like me in college...but I digress.

Any time we are bored with something we have, we move onto the next best thing we can get our hands on or put our dick in. That being this dumb bitch who you work with. Now, could we call this chick dumb for falling for what this guy is saying? I'm 100% sure she's a dumb bitch. Would any other girl fall for this same type of fuckery? Absolutely. As long as they are weak, vulnerable and easy to target, that shit is locked up and put away safe. Take note dumb bitches because I'm talking about you which you probably wouldn't even know if I was talking about you because you're that fucking stupid.

Playing games of Yahtzee (because dumb bitches aren't even at the level of chess, let alone, checkers) with these types of women isn't hard nor is it rocket science. All it takes is a little emotion and showing you care to make the panties drop so you can lay down that pipe and make her scream a few Hail Mary's for her to love the dick for eternity. That's why these broads stay miserable for the rest of their lives and die single with 50 fucking cats while gaining weight and watching re-runs of Friends while crying themselves to bed every night while listening to Adele on repeat. You see where I'm going with this, pussy pocket?

Don't play Dr. Phil with her. It's not worth your time, stress or whatever the fuck gets your panties in a bunch being in her drama. This dude is gonna ride the shit out of this wave until she decides to end it. Which she will probably do about 10 times and fail all 10 because "I really care about him and I know he means what he says." Mark my fucking words.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to check my Tinder so I can pounce on some vulnerable bitches tonight.

XOXO 8=====D,

Ghetto Genius

No comments: