Don't say NO to this guy

Mario Francisco Hernandez, 22, probably figured his marriage proposal was a lock. He and his 21-year-old sweetheart already had two kids and were living together. So he showed up at the Burger Stop where she worked with a bouquet of flowers, intent on popping the question...

But we're guessing Mario was in the doghouse, and this might have been his dimwitted attempt at making up by going for broke. He asked for her hand in wedlock, telling her he had a ring on layaway, which generally isn't as romantic as having actual possession of said ring. Weirdly enough, the woman said no and walked away.

Mario, whose IQ can likely be measured by counting his limbs, wasn't happy about this. He returned to his car -- which had "Will you marry me?" painted on the back window -- and revved the engine. Then he tried to run the woman over on the sidewalk.

Once again, Mario discovered this wasn't his lucky day. He didn't hit the woman, but he did ram a delightful streetscape planter. Police later found his abandoned car with two flat tires. That's when they also found our pathetic Lothario, walking nearby with the bouquet of flowers still in his hands. He was subsequently charged with assault with a deadly weapon.

FAIL

 

Dildo's are now weapons

GURNEE, Ill., Nov. 11 (UPI) -- Suburban Chicago police said a woman who allegedly skipped out on a restaurant tab was arrested after allegedly attacking a police officer with a sex toy.

A police incident report said Carolee Bildsten, 56, of Gurnee, allegedly left a Joe's Crab Shack restaurant in the town without paying Tuesday and an officer went to Bildsten's residence to investigate, the Chicago Tribune reported Thursday.

Gurnee Police Cmdr. Jay Patrick said the woman attacked the officer with "a rigid feminine pleasure device."

Bildsten, who has been accused of not paying her check at the same restaurant in the past, was arrested and charged with aggravated assault and theft of labor or services.

My thoughts:  Trying to do the good 'ol "dine 'n dash" at the delicious Joe's Crab Shack, huh?  Nothing says AWESOME quite like pulling out your trusty dildo and bitch slapping a cop with it.  Bravo old hag, BRA-VO!